


Dr. B. II: New Frontier

by CrossingInStyle



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Brianna/Roger but Roger is less of a jerk in this fic, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman AU, F/M, Frontier Frasers!, but also family feels, there be angst ahead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:02:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 65,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27637235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrossingInStyle/pseuds/CrossingInStyle
Summary: Dr. Claire “B” Fraser has settled into a happy life, balancing between being a wife, mother, and one of the few female doctors of 19th century America.Her story continues as she, Jamie, their children, and the town of Colorado Springs face danger, hardship, and new beginningsThis is a sequel to Dr. B. Medicine Woman and it’s highly recommended that you read that first!
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser
Comments: 532
Kudos: 462





	1. Chapter 1

**_Prologue_ **

The redheaded man stepped into the store, seeming to instantly fill it up entirely not only with his sheer size but also with a commanding presence that could only be natural to him. He was accompanied by an Indian on one side, and at his other was an enormous wolf.

Murtagh didn’t seem as intimidated as I felt, and merely growled at him and pointed over to the notice board. “Can’t you read?”

Confused, I glanced back at the board, only just noticing that above the board itself was a wooden sign that said, “NO DOGS OR INDIANS.”

“This one’s certainly seen its day,” I clipped, taking the sign down and deliberately avoiding the gaze of the redheaded man.

One of the men who’d been talking with Murtagh, a soldier, stomped over to me and snatched the sign out of my hands. From the corner of my eye I thought I saw the redheaded man flinch. “That’s private property!” the soldier snapped, rehanging the sign.

I was ready to back down. I’d made my point, and it was foolish of me to antagonize the people of this town when I needed them as patients, but the very instant the sign was back on the wall, it was being split in half and knocked right back down by a flying ax.

No…a tomahawk.

The Indian at the redheaded man’s side tensed, and the wolf bared its teeth, letting out a chilling snarl.

The redheaded man strode forward, and I took an involuntary step back. But he only reached over my head and yanked his tomahawk out of the wall.

When he looked down at me, it was with quite possibly the bluest eyes I’d ever seen. They were drawn and flashing in anger, but softened when they turned to me.

Still intimidated, but not quite so fearful, I spun on my toe and neatly stuck my notice on the nail the sign had been hanging on. When I met his eyes a second time, his held something like amusement in them.

“Time to go,” Charlotte said, reminding me of the unbearable tension in the room. “We need to go see about that horse.”

“Horse?” I asked dazedly, following her to the door. “What horse?”

“The one you’re gonna need for your doctoring!”

“Oh,” I turned back, realizing I’d left my purse. I skirted nervously around the wolf and back to the redheaded man, having to reach around him to grab it. “That horse.”

I started to leave, but the redheaded man was blocking my way. I in no way felt threatened, but still my heart rate increased. I could feel warmth coming off of him, even though he wasn’t touching me. I could smell him, horses and campfire smoke and something herbal. I was leaning closer without really meaning to.

“Sassenach,” he said, and I realized he had leaned in too, and his mouth was brushing against my neck as he spoke. I also realized then that it was the first time I’d heard him speak, and his deep tenor and Scottish burr sent a pleasant chill down my spine.

He put his arm around me, and I tried to remind myself that there were other people there. Something long, and hard pressed into my lower back. The handle of his tomahawk?

I moaned as I awoke, stretching my body and arching my neck, to better give my husband access to it.

I couldn’t stop the giggle that rose up out of me, though I covered my mouth with the back of my wrist to try and muffle it.

“What’s funny?” Jamie murmured, nipping me on the shoulder in retribution. 

I rolled my hips back, making Jamie give a moan of his own as I pressed into the  _ tomahawk  _ he was holding against me.

“Oh nothing,” I sighed, liking his response so much I rolled my hips a second time. “I was just remembering the day we met.”

Jamie hummed, and his hand started slowly drawing up the hem of my nightgown. “That was a long time ago, Sassenach, d’ye remember that far back?”

When I rolled back this time, it was with a hard snap of my pelvis, earning a grunt and brief retreat. 

“Are you calling me  _ old _ , Mr. Mac?”

“Never, Dr. Beauchamp,” his hand finally slid between my thighs, where I was slick and ready.

I rolled over onto my back, looping my arms around his neck, holding him close to me. I raised my knees, and sighed as he entered me.

“Christ, ye feel good,  _ mo nighean donn _ ,” he murmured into my ear. 

I grinned up at him. “You’re not tired of me, yet?”

Jamie smirked, then grabbed my hands and raised my arms above my head, pinning them there. His eyes drifted downward, to where the position of my arms thrust my breasts upward. 

“I’d sooner tire of breathing, Sassenach.”

He drove into me, and I closed my eyes, giving over to sensation. His mouth sealed over one of my nipples, sucking hard.

“Harder,” I commanded, and his entire body obeyed. 

The flood of warmth inside me sent me over the edge, but Jamie knew to abandon my breast to cover my mouth with his own, to muffle both of our cries. 

He collapsed on top of me, and I kept my legs wound around him to keep him there. He no longer worried about crushing me, since he knew by now that I enjoyed the weight of him, but it never hurt to remind him. 

The house was still quiet, the sky outside still not quite light, and no one was at our door yelling for Dr. B. Time enough to take advantage of the peace and get a little more sleep. 

Jamie was way ahead of me, nestled into the crook between my shoulder and my neck, snoring lightly. I wrapped myself tighter around him, dug my fingers into his hair, and closed my eyes. 

  
  



	2. New Frontier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire, Jamie, and their family are overjoyed to hear that Brianna is returning from school. But she’s brought along a surprise...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s HERE! (Officially, lol)
> 
> I will never be over the amount of love that my first Outlander fic, Dr. B. Medicine Woman has gotten over the years. It still blows me away! That story is my baby. I’d always intended to explore a few more of the plots from Dr. Quinn, but in the end I decided to make a sequel instead. It’s still a work in progress, but I have a firm outline and will be updated at LEAST weekly, if not twice a week. 
> 
> Thank you all SO MUCH for all the support you’ve given. If I don’t reply to every comment, it’s because I’m forgetful but never because I didn’t read it. Trust me, every single comment absolutely makes my day and fuels the need to write! 
> 
> Enjoy!

I leaned against the railing of the post, smiling drowsily as I sipped at my coffee.

It was a glorious sunrise, but the sky wasn’t what had my attention that morning. Instead, it was my husband, working on training our new yearling. 

He led the filly around and around, speaking in low, soothing Gaelic. His ability to turn even the wildest of horses into love-struck kittens was captivating, as were the muscles in his arms when they flexed thanks to the sleeveless Cheyenne tunic he wore.

The sound of his low chuckle reached across the yard to me, and my smile widened, loving the sound. 

I felt so relaxed and at home, a feeling that I’d worked toward having for my whole life, even though there’d been a time in my life that being married and having a family had been the farthest thing from my mind. All I’d ever wanted was to be a doctor, and I was. I ran my growing medical clinic in town with the same drive and determination that my uncle did when establishing his practice. Or, at least I tried to. I was lucky to have not only the steadfast support of my family, but also of my many patients, some of whom I’d grown to care for as family themselves.

So right then, my only struggle was deciding between remaining where I was, watching Jamie, and going out to be nearer to him.

After a moment, the latter option won out, and I made my gradual way across the yard to the corral.

Seeing my approach, Jamie stopped and smiled, then removed the lead from the filly and gave her a loving swat on her flank.

“Mornin’, Sassenach,” he said, sauntering over to me. “How long have ye been standin’ there?”

“A while,” I said, resting my arms on the railings. “How’s Alainn?”

“Doing well,” he said. “She’ll make a fine horse for wee Lotte, one day.”

Jamie came up to the railing, so I stood up on the bottom post, bringing myself a head above him, and putting him in the uncommon position of having to look up at me.

“You haven’t kissed me good morning,” I informed him.

“A grievous oversight,” he murmured seriously, ignoring the fact that he’d kissed me  _ and then some  _ before the sun rose. But that wasn’t technically this morning, and he knew that, so he tilted his head back. “Ye should take what’s owed ye, then.”

Take I did, grabbing the back of his neck to pull him closer.

He opened his mouth, fully submitting, and I grinned against his lips as I took advantage. I wondered sometimes if I’d ever tire of kissing and touching my husband, but I doubted it.

Just then, I felt something tugging my skirt, distracting me from my kiss, and it was followed by musical laughter.

Breaking away from Jamie, I looked down, just as a little face grinned back up at me, surrounded by a riot of red curls.

“Well, good morning!” I cried, greeting my youngest child.

“What are you ‘n Da  _ doing _ ?!” Lotte exclaimed, still laughing as if we’d done something hilarious.

“Why, I’m kissing Da good morning, of course!” I said, hopping down and swinging my daughter up into my arms and pressing a smacking kiss to her cheek before turning it into a raspberry that had her howling with laughter.

I looked back at Jamie, finding him watching us in unconcealed adoration. 

“Da! Mama is  _ attack-in  _ me!” Lotte squealed.

“What should I do,  _ a leannan _ ?”

“Get her!”

Jamie immediately hopped over the fence of the corral, and lunged toward us, getting his long arms around us both from behind and lifted me off my feet, then planted his face in the side of my neck, blowing a retaliating raspberry. I squealed, just as Lotte had done.

After Jamie was done “getting me,” he set us down, and in turn I set Lotte down. Her feet were moving before they even touched the ground, taking her to her next mission of chaos with Rollo, her constant shadow, right at her heels.

I blew the hair out of my face, leaning back against Jamie. “How I envy her energy. Would that I could just bottle it.”

“Ye’d be the richest doctor in th’ world, Sassenach” Jamie said.

“We could call it  _ Eau de Four-Year-Old _ .”

I turned in his arms, resting my head on his chest. “What mayhem will she wreak today?” I asked, pitching my voice low and ominous.

“All of it,” Jamie said into my hair. “But God love her for it.”

“Mama!” she yelled, running back outside. “Fergus willn’a play with me!”

I chuckled and rolled my eyes, pulling away from Jamie. “Maybe Fergus is still asleep, darling.”

“No, he’s ‘wake!” she said, propping her fists on her little hips. “He closed his door and won’t let me in!”

“Lass,” Jamie said, patiently, going over to pick her up. “I’m sure Fergus will play wi’ ye later.”

Charlotte followed Fergus about like a puppy, and Fergus was generally very indulgent, but for all that he loved his little sister, he was still a fifteen-year-old boy, and often struggled for some time alone. I could relate.

The boy in question came out of the house then, running a hand through sleep-tangled hair. “Mama, I’m going into town. Do you need anything?”

“No, sweetheart, thank you.”

“FERGUS!” Lotte cried, struggling to get out of Jamie’s arms. “I’m comin’ with you!”

Fergus sighed, raising one dark eyebrow. “Lotte…”

“Darling,” I said. “Wouldn’t you rather stay home with Da and me?”

“No! I wanna go with Fergus!”

She stopped before her brother, and I couldn’t see her face but I knew she was giving him that wobbly lower lip that she was  _ very  _ aware was the weakness of every man in our family. (Okay, every man and woman in our family. And town.)

“Oh, alright,” Fergus said in resignation. “Come on.”

In a well-practiced move, Fergus swung himself up onto his horse before reaching a long arm down for Lotte, who wrapped both her own little arms around it to be hauled up into the saddle in front of him.

“Be careful,” I told them both. “Home before supper.”

“Yes, Mama,” they called back in chorus.

I didn’t need to warn Fergus to watch out for his little sister, fully aware that despite his occasional frustration, he was deeply devoted to her, and was just as careful with her as the rest of us. As for Lotte, as much as she loved her Mama and Da, she was never happier than when she had her big brother’s full attention.

Jamie put his arm around me as they rode out of sight, Rollo trotting along behind them. “Sassenach…” he said slowly. “I do believe we have th’ house to ourselves for a time…”

“So we do,” I said, grinning. “What shall we do about it, hm?”

“I can think of a few things,” he took my hand pulling me toward the house.

We’d just made it to the door, giggling like children, when another horse rode up to the house, making us both sigh in defeat.

Jamie growled, and I elbowed him. “Now, now, he’s our son and we love him, remember?”

“Oh aye,” he agreed. “But th’ lad sure has a knack for  _ awful  _ timing.”

“Hey, guys,” William said, bounding up the steps. “You’re not busy, are you?”

“Almost,” Jamie muttered, and I elbowed him again. “No, Willie,” he amended more loudly. “Come on in.”

“Oh, I can’t stay,” he said. “I need to get back to the ranch, but I just went through town and Denny flagged me down with a letter from Bree.”

All thoughts of alone time with Jamie flew out the window at the sight of a letter from our eldest daughter. “What does it say?!” I asked, taking the letter from him.

“I didn’t read it,” he said, chuckling at my excitement. “It was addressed to you, Ma.”

After completing two years at the University of Denver, Brianna was accepted to Harvard Women’s College to get her degree in science and engineering. We were thrilled, of course, but the distance meant she couldn’t visit as often as she could while she was in Denver. Three visits in the past two years, with the last having been eight months ago. I missed her like mad.

“Brianna’s coming home!” I exclaimed, almost tearing the letter in two in my enthusiasm. “She’s completed her exams early and she’s coming home for the summer break!”

“Really?” William exclaimed. “That’s great!”

“Does it say when she’s arriving?” Jamie asked.

I scanned through the rest of the letter, too eager to take in the particulars just then. “She says she’ll be home...June 4th!”

“The 4th?” Jamie asked, taking the letter to look at it. “Sassenach,  _ today  _ is the 4th!”

My eyes widened and I snatched the letter back. “She’s coming home  _ today _ ?!”

I darted back into the house, grabbing bits of clutter in the process.

“What are ye doing?” Jamie asked, following me. “We should go. Th’ train could be coming in any time.”

“I have to tidy first,” I informed him, though I felt it should be obvious.

He chuckled. “Why? This is her home, Sassenach. She’s seen it in worse disarray than this! I daresay she’s been the  _ cause  _ of it a time or two!”

I sighed, putting down the wooden ducky toy I’d been holding. He was right of course, but I couldn’t help it. I should be holding a celebratory welcome home dinner for Brianna, or something, and felt woefully unprepared.

Jamie took me by the shoulders, give me a slow, gentle shake before kissing my forehead. “She’s our daughter, Sassenach. No’ a guest. Why don’t we go get her, and bring her home, hm?”

I sighed, and let my head fall against his chest. “You’re right, of course.”

“I’ll remember ye said that, later. Now, let’s go get our girl.”

“Mornin’, Dr. B., mornin’ Fraser,” Joe greeted as we rode past the livery. “Your little one just came tearing through here a minute ago, giving Fergus a run for his money!”

I groaned. “Oh dear. She hasn’t broken anything has she?”

Joe chuckled. “That angel? Nah.”

I arched a brow at him. My precious baby was many things, but I wasn’t quite sure  _ angel  _ was one of them. “Well, Jamie and I are headed to the train station. Brianna is coming home today!”

“That so?!” Joe exclaimed. 

“Brianna’s coming home?” Roger asked, freezing mid-step as he was heading toward the cafe. 

“We received a letter just this morning!” I grinned at his reaction, then glanced over at Jamie, who didn’t looked as amused.

Roger and Brianna had been pen pals for the past several years, and spent time with one another during her visits, but it had never gone beyond that, owing mostly to her busy life. She’d had brief flirtations with young men in Boston, which I was glad for, if it only meant she was getting to experience the world in a way I never had. She clearly had a more open and adventurous personality than I’d had in college. So I wondered what may or may not happen between her and Roger now that she would be home for an extended time.

“There’s our wee angel now,” Jamie said, which was the only warning Roger got before our daughter launched herself at him with impressive strength.

“Roger!” she cried. 

“Well, hello there!” Roger laughed, scrambling to hold her up.

“Lotte,” I said, climbing down off of Flash. “Time to calm down, now, love. Did you know that Bree is coming home today?”

Granted, I knew that statement would hardly have a calming effect, but I did so enjoy the dramatic rounding of her eyes.

“Bree?!” she squealed. “Roger!” she kicked her plump little legs, as if trying to spur him into motion. “Let’s GO!”

Rolling into the horse bit, Roger swung her up to sit on his shoulders and neighed, before trotting toward the train station.

I laughed and shook my head, then rolled my eyes at Jamie. “Oh, what is that sour expression for? He’s wonderful with Lotte.”

“Oh aye,” he agreed genuinely. “There are few I trust more w’ Lotte than th’ reverend. It’s our older daughter I’m no’ so sure I trust him with.”

I rolled my eyes again. “ _ What  _ has Roger  _ ever  _ done to make you distrust him? He’s never been anything but a perfect gentleman with Bree. Believe me, she would have told me otherwise. And you can’t even use the excuse anymore that she’s too young. She’s twenty years old, Jamie. Well of an age to be considering a husband. Not everyone  _ has  _ to wait as long as I did, you know.”

Jamie sighed and let his shoulders slump. “Aye, I ken. I suppose she could do far worse than him.”

“God help poor Charlotte when she comes of age.”

Jamie glared at me. “Bite your tongue, Sassenach.”

I grabbed his hand to pull him in the direction of the train station. “I do so love the over-protective side you, but let’s put it away for right now.”

“Mama,” Fergus called, trotting to catch up. “Willie just said that Bree’s coming home, is it true?”

“According to her letter,” I said.

“Well hurry up! The train’s coming in!”

We arrived at the station as the first passengers started filing out, I wrung my hands, ever worried that she could have been delayed on her journey, or worse. But Jamie took both my hands in one of his and squeezed, and I tried to force my worrying down. 

The more people who alighted from the train, the more I started to feel dismayed, but then, wearing a smart new lavender gown and matching hat, red hair pulled back into a sophisticated bun, was Brianna.

“Bree!” I exclaimed, waving my arm, which was unnecessary. She could hardly miss the large group of people all there just for her.

“Mama!” she cried. “Da!”

She trotted toward us, and I threw out my arms for a hug. “Oh my darling,” I said, squeezing her tight. “I’ve missed you so much!”

“I’ve missed you, too,” she murmured. “I’m so happy to be home.”

She pulled away to hug Jamie, then greet her siblings, and I was struck by how different she seemed. I wasn’t sure if it was just the amount of time since I last saw her, but she carried herself with a new maturity and confidence that gladdened my heart to see. 

“Fergus, you’re as tall as I am now!” she exclaimed, needing to reach up to ruffle his hair. 

When she turned to Roger, who still held Lotte, her smile softened. “Hello, Roger,” she said quietly, then leaned around to try and see Lotte, who had her face buried firmly in Roger’s neck.

“Lotte?” she called. “Aren’t you going to say hello to me?”

I frowned. It wasn’t like Charlotte to be shy, not even with strangers, so I went over to them, taking her in my arms. “There now, love. It’s Bree! You were so excited to see her!”

Lotte glanced at Brianna, then away. Perhaps I wasn’t the only one who felt like Brianna was a little different.

“Don’t mind her,” I said to Brianna when her smile fell. “I think she’s just in need of a nap.”

Brianna’s shoulders slumped a little in disappointment, but she still smiled. “Oh, I’m so happy to be home!” she enthused. “I take it you got my letter?”

“Just this morning,” I chuckled. “So I’m sorry to say I haven’t anything special prepared, but I thought I would stop at Murtagh’s and pick up the things to make your favorite supper! Is it still pot roast?”

“You know it! And believe me, I don’t want anything special beyond that. It’s just good to be back.”

“Ye’ll have tae tell us all about Harvard,” Jamie said, putting an arm around her. “I ken ye’ve told us in letters, but it’s no’ th’ same, aye?”

“Aye,” she agreed, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she grinned. “And...oh! I have a surprise for you!”

“What’s that?” Jamie asked, just as someone shouted his name.

We all turned back to the train, where emerged quite possibly the last person I would expect.

“John?” Jamie gasped.

John made his way over to us, dropping his suitcase with a flourish and a winning smile. “Surprise?”

Laughing, Jamie pulling his friend into a hug. “I had no idea you were coming! Christ, man, it’s been years!”

“I didn’t either,” John admitted. “At least not just now. Of course I meant to write you when I arrived back in America, but I was just so busy all of a sudden, with my new position at Harvard.”

“Position?” I asked, reaching up for a hug of my own. “Are you saying you’re teaching at Harvard?”

“That’s how we ran into each other,” Brianna said. “Imagine my surprise when I walked into my last lecture of the year and it was Lord John Gray standing there at the podium! I thought it might be a fun surprise to drag him home along with me to visit!”

I smiled at her, but then I caught the look she was shooting John, and inwardly groaned. 

Jamie was oblivious, but one person who  _ did  _ quite obviously notice, was Roger. He stood back, watching on with a slightly lost expression. 

“How long are ye in town for, John?” Jamie was asking.

“I’m only passing through on my way to see my brother,” John said. “Or making a detour, rather. I hope you don’t mind? Brianna said…”

“Of  _ course  _ we don’t mind,” I assured him, although my mind was frantically going over the logistics now that it seemed we’d be having a houseguest. What  _ was  _ it with John and his reluctance to write ahead of his visits?

“Well,” he said, putting his hands behind his back. “Bree has told me all about the charming new hotel here in town,” he held up a hand to stall my and Jamie’s protests. “I’ll hear nothing more about it. You deserve your quality time with your daughter, and I’ll be more than comfortable at the hotel.”

“It was already decided on the train, Mama,” Brianna added.

“Very well,” I relented. “But you will be joining us for dinner?”

“That, I can hardly argue with,” John said. “Now, I believe another introduction should be made. Tell me this isn’t the famous Charlotte that Jamie has raved about in his letters and that Bree talks nonstop about?”

“Say hello, Lotte,” I requested, jostling her a little on my hip.

“Pweased t’meet you,” Lotte recited quietly but dutifully. 

“Very honored to make your aquaintance,” John said, taking her little hand and kissing it gallantly. 

Won over at once, Lotte giggled.

“Oh sure,  _ he  _ gets a smile,” Brianna griped good-naturedly.

“Well then,” I said. “William, would you mind going with John and getting him settled into the hotel, then meet us back at the house?”

“Sure, Ma,” William said, grabbing John’s suitcase despite the other man’s protests.

As we readied to leave, I noticed Roger still standing by silently. “Roger,” I called. “You’ll join us for dinner, won’t you?”

“Oh...I…” he stammered, looking ready to protest, but then suddenly his shoulders squared. “I mean, yes, Dr. B. I’d love to. Thank you.”

“See you there, Roger,” Brianna said as he walked away, taking Lotte from me. “In the meantime, I think you and I have some reacquainting to do.”

Fergus trotted to catch up to Bree and Lotte, and I lagged back with Jamie, watching the children disperse.

“Well,  _ that  _ was interesting,” I said to him.

“What was? John’s arrival?”’

“No, well, yes…” I said. “I mean  _ Brianna _ . Didn’t you notice...anything?”

Jamie gave me a puzzled look, then shrugged. “She looks older in that bonny dress of hers. But otherwise, I dinna ken what ye mean.”

I rolled my eyes, thinking how men could be so  _ obtuse  _ sometimes. “You mean to tell me you didn’t notice how Brianna practically dismissed Roger, or her moony eyes for John, or John’s for her for that matter?”

For a moment Jamie just blinked at me, then to my annoyance, threw back his head and laughed. “Ye’re no’ serious!”

I stuck my chin out at him. “ _ All I’m saying _ is that they two of them seem suspiciously close for a girl and her professor, or even for a girl and her father’s friend. I wonder if visiting us is the  _ only  _ reason John came along.”

Jamie was still chuckling, shaking his head. “I dinna think John is interested in Bree that way, Sassenach.”

“What makes you so sure?”

All at once, Jamie’s humor dissipated, and he flexed his shoulders the way he did when he was uncomfortable. “Weel, for one thing, he’s far too old for her.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “He’s, what, a  _ year  _ older than Roger? Two?”

Jamie snorted. “I happen tae think  _ he’s  _ too old, too. But, trust me, Sassenach. John isn’a interested in Brianna.”

“If you say so,” I relented. After all, Jamie knew the man far better than I. But who I  _ did  _ know, was Brianna. “I’m afraid that feeling may not be mutual though. Not for Bree.”

Jamie groaned and put his hand on my back to lead me back to the wagon. “That lass is gonna turn my hair gray,” he complained.

  
  


“She didn’t!” William gasped, his jaw dropping.

“She did!” Bree insisted, gesturing broadly. “She just took off all her clothes, right down to her bloomers, and jumped into the fountain! She kept saying that if men stared at her, they should gouge out their eyes, like it says in the Bible.”

“It’s true,” John agreed, his eyes crinkling in mirth. “I saw it myself, though I do swear I averted my eyes the moment they registered what was going on.”

William rolled his eyes at John then glanced over at me from across the dinner table, eyes twinkling. “Sounds like something you’d do, Ma.”

My eyes widened. “I would do no such thing!”

“I dinna ken, Sassenach,” Jamie said. “Ye’re all about women’s rights.”

I scoffed. “Well, yes, but that hardly means I’ll be taking off my clothes and swimming in a park fountain anytime soon.”

“More’s th’ pity.”

“Are you a...a...suffrigate, Bree?” Fergus asked.

Brianna smiled. “Not really, but I support what they’re fighting for. Why  _ shouldn’t  _ women be allowed to vote?”

Fergus shrugged. “I didn’t know they couldn’t. They vote here.”

“This town is a bit of an anomaly, Fergus,” I said. “We’re allowed to vote on small elections here if we own property, like I do. But Bree or I wouldn’t be allowed to vote for President.”

He wrinkled his nose. “Doesn’t seem fair. The country’s president affects women as much as it does men.”

I looked over at Jamie. “We’re raising this boy right, I say.”

Jamie grinned at me. “We sure are.”

I looked over at Roger, who’d barely said more than five words all through supper. He only sat there, glumly staring at his food. 

John must have caught my look, and attempted to pull the other man into the conversation. “What say you, Reverend Wakefield? Should women be given the right to vote?”

Roger looked up, seeming caught. “Well...I mean…”

“Too slow, Roger,” Brianna sang teasingly. 

Roger narrowed his eyes at her, but thankfully seemed to regain a little of his confidence. “Of course they should,” he said firmly. “Although I see no problem with the method we have here in town, which is  _ any  _ person should have the right to vote if they own property.”

Brianna sighed. “But that leaves out the majority of women voters! Most women are basically property themselves to their fathers and husbands.”

“But it would even the playing field,” Roger argued. “Black, white, Indian, male, female...it wouldn’t matter if there was but one basic qualification.”

“It’s a good point,” John allowed. “But as difficult as it is now for a woman, or even a man if he’s black, Indian, or really any other color but white, to become a property owner, imagine how much  _ harder  _ the government could make it if  _ that  _ was what allowed them to vote?”

Roger opened his mouth, but had no further argument, so I smoothly steered the conversation away from politics. “John, how long will you be in town?” I asked.

John dabbed at his mouth with his napkin. “Only a few days. Hal will be most put out if I don’t make the most of my availability to visit him.”

“But you gotta at  _ least  _ stay until next Saturday!” Fergus exclaimed, earning a swift punch to the shoulder from his brother. “Ow!”

“What’s next Saturday?” I asked lowly, narrowing my eyes.

“We...erm...only thought we’d have a dinner, ken, for...Bree,” Jamie said, so unconvincingly for a man who was normally capable of lying quite well.

“Oh really?” I asked, perching my chin delicately on my fist. “A dinner for Bree? Almost two weeks after her arrival? Why not  _ this  _ Saturday?”

“Gale wasn’t available,” William said quickly. “Way to go, Fergus, you ruined the surprise...for Bree.”

“Sorry!” Fergus said quickly.

“Oh well,” Brianna sighed dramatically. “But Fergus is right, John, you should stay!”

John was looking back and forth between all of us with an utterly confused expression. “Um...well...I could perhaps arrange that.”

“Perfect,” Jamie said. “No more talk of it. John, would ye like tae have a taste o’ the whisky?”

“Of course!” John said, standing up. “So you’re finally getting production from the still?”

“And it even tastes like whisky, now!” I said, winking at Jamie as he smiled ruefully in memory of the first batch of whisky he’d developed, that tasted more like something that belonged in my medical cabinet than the liquor cabinet.

“I’ll go fetch it,” Jamie said. “Roger, ye’ll stay as well?”

“Erm, actually I better be getting home,” Roger said. “I have a sermon to prepare. Thank you for dinner, Claire, it was delicious.”

“Bye, Roger!” Lotte squealed, leaping up from where she’d been playing with her dolls on the floor beside Rollo and jumping into his arms. 

I smiled as Roger’s smile turned genuine for the first time all evening as he hugged her close. “Bye, Lotte Loo.”

“I’ll walk you out, Roger,” Brianna said.

“I hope you don’t mind if I extend my stay,” John said quietly to me after they left. “I truly don’t mean to intrude.”

“Why would I mind?” I asked genuinely. “You’re welcome here, John. And I know Jamie’s thrilled to have you. Bree seems so as well…”

“Yes,” he agreed, smiling softly. “Your Bree is a marvelous young woman.”

I hummed thoughtfully. 

“So this dinner next Saturday…” he hedged.

I laughed. “Ah, yes, you noticed my family’s complete lack of subtlety. Strange, don’t you think, that they’d plan a dinner for Bree on the  _ exact day  _ of my birthday?”

John’s eyes widened in understanding. “And let me guess, you don’t  _ want  _ a fuss?”

I glowered, but it wasn’t sincere. “What woman  _ does  _ want a fuss made over the fact she’s turning  _ forty _ ?”

He chuckled. “One who’s lived a remarkable life thus far, and has an adoring family ready to give her all the love and attention she deserves.”

I narrowed my eyes playfully at him. “You make it very hard to stay grumpy about things, do you know that?

When Brianna came back inside, Jamie, John, and William made their way to the porch to drink whisky.

“Fergus, would you mind terribly putting Lotte to bed for me?” I asked.

“Sure, Ma,” he replied, scooping his sister up in the process.

“Can I have a story?!” Lotte asked excitedly on their way up.

“ _ One  _ story,” he said.

“Three stories,” she countered.

“Two.”

“Two...and a half?”

Brianna shook her head as the sounds of their bartering faded away. “I’ve missed this place,” she said softly. “I can’t believe how much Lotte’s grown. Or even Fergus, for that matter. He’s not a little boy anymore, is he?”

“No, he isn’t,” I agreed as she helped me to clean the table. “You’re all growing up far too quickly for my taste.”

“How’s William doing with the ranch?” she asked. “Has he still not been caught by one of the no doubt  _ hundreds  _ of women in town who are after him?”

I chuckled. “Not quite hundreds, but he  _ is  _ quite the sought-after bachelor in these parts. And no, none of them have really caught his eye. He courted Becky briefly, but you knew that.”

“That was over a year ago,” she said. “I guess I just worry about him.”

“I know, but he seems happy. He’s still younger than I was when I finally settled down, after all.”

“Sometimes I think he never really got over Rachel.”

I hummed. “I’m not so sure. He was very young then. Have you heard from them lately, by the way? We haven’t received a letter in some time.”

“Well, you know how far they live from a post office,” Brianna pointed out. “Last I heard, Rachel still had her little clinic, and Ian was teaching orphaned Indian children how to hunt. How’s Two Moons?”

I smiled. “Fine, you’ll see him tomorrow, no doubt. Now...I’d like to hear more about  _ you _ .”

She smiled. We’d finished tidying the kitchen and made our way to the den. “What’s there to tell? I tell you everything in my letters.”

I grinned. “That’s hardly the same as you telling me in person. Plus, there’s the added interesting little detail about you showing up at home with your professor?”

Brianna rolled her eyes, but I didn’t miss the way she blushed. “He came to see  _ Da _ , Mama. Being my professor, however briefly, was just a coincidence.”

“Really?” I asked. “You seem like you’ve gotten to know each other quite well.”

“It was a long train ride,” she said with a shrug. “Besides, we’ve always gotten on well, even when he was here years ago.”

I could tell she was holding something back, but I knew that pushing her wouldn’t have the desired results. No, it was normally better just to stare her down, and wait until she spilled it on her own.

“Well…” she began. “We  _ have  _ seen each other a few times before we came back. Just coffee, and dinner once...nothing...nothing inappropriate.”

I felt my brows go up. “I wasn’t even thinking anything on  _ inappropriate  _ lines,” I said. “I only meant you seem interested in him. Brianna, are you and John courting?”

“Sort of?”

“Sort of? How do you  _ sort of  _ court someone? Bree…”

“It’s nothing so  _ official _ as courting,” she said with an exasperated sigh. “We’ve had dinner, we’ve talked, that’s all. He hasn’t exactly made any overtures toward me, but then it wouldn’t be appropriate, since he’s a professor at the women’s college.”

“But you do like him?” I surmised. “Bree...what about Roger?”

Brianna bit her lower lip, casting her eyes to the side. “I...I don’t know. I care very much for Roger...but I may also have feelings for John. I’m certainly very...attracted to him.”

I swallowed, sending a silent prayer up to Charlotte Cooper that I was ready to deal with this sort of situation with our daughter. 

“And...Roger?” I asked. “Are you...attracted to him, as well?”

“Yes,” she admitted. “But...they’re so  _ different  _ from one another, how is it that I’m drawn to both? Is this the way you felt, when you had to decide between Da and Frank?”

I huffed out a laugh, then blew the hair out of my face. “God, I haven’t thought about  _ that  _ in ages. It wasn’t the same situation at all, darling. What I felt for Frank was nothing but the remnants of what I’d once felt for him as a girl, and I suppose there was a moment there where I still clung to my girlhood emotions. But your father…he’s held my heart from the time I met him. There never could have been anyone but him.”

Brianna smiled dreamily. “So, what if that’s me and John? What if what I feel for Roger is a  _ girl’s  _ feelings?”

“Brianna,” I sighed, taking her hand. “You can’t base your relationships on me and Jamie.”

“But I want what you and Da have!”

“And you will! You deserve absolutely nothing less than someone who loves you as much as Da loves me. But you’re  _ not  _ me, and neither John nor Roger are Jamie. You have to go by your own heart, darling. Just because you fell for Roger when you were younger, doesn’t mean it wasn’t real...but neither does it mean that your feelings aren’t entitled to change. Only  _ you  _ can be the judge of how you feel. Not me...and not your father.”

Brianna grimaced. “He wouldn’t be happy about me and John, would he? So what if he’s older...Roger’s older too!”

I chuckled. “And it’s taken him  _ this  _ long just to get over the age difference with Roger. But I don’t think that would be as much of an issue as the fact that he and John have so much history, and it’s a history he doesn’t much like getting stirred up.”

I opted not to add how Jamie was convinced that John did  _ not  _ have feelings for Brianna. If that was true, it was something Brianna would unfortunately have to find out for herself.

“I guess I can understand that,” Brianna said. “But that isn’t John’s fault, or mine! And Da obviously likes and trusts John! That’s gotta count for something.”

“You’re right,” I allowed. “But as you said, you and John haven’t even made the step toward courting, so let’s try not to worry about your father until  _ that  _ happens. In the meantime, give us a break, hm? It’s still hard to come to terms with the fact that you aren’t a little girl anymore.”

Brianna smiled, then leaned into my side. “But I’m still  _ your  _ little girl. I think I’ll go outside and see what the boys are getting up to.”

I kissed her head. “Go on, I’ll go up and see how many books Lotte conned Fergus into reading. I paused when I stood though, wincing as I turned back to her.

“You mentioned you’d done nothing...inappropriate with John. You’d tell me, wouldn’t you, if you’d taken...further steps...with a man?”

Brianna flushed scarlet and looked away. “Would you need to know that?”

“As your mother, I suppose I don’t. But as your  _ friend _ , and more importantly, your doctor…”

“No, Ma,” she said firmly. “No  _ further steps  _ have been taken with anyone. Yet.”

I tried not to let my relief show. “Good. I mean...that you’re being honest with me. You can always tell me anything, you know that, right?”

Brianna smiled. “I know, Mama. You’re the only one I feel I  _ can  _ tell everything to. I promise, I’ll tell you if I’m preparing for...steps.”

I nodded, then resumed my journey upstairs, sending a silent thanks up to Charlotte Cooper.

  
  



	3. Various Kinds of Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire and Lotte stumbled upon a *rather* interesting scene, and Claire pleads with Jamie to have a discussion with John.

“Angus, this isn’t a  _ debate _ . Your liver can only handle  _ so much _ .”

“I’m not giving up drinking!” he railed. 

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “I’m only saying you need to  _ cut back _ . When in excess, alcohol is a poison. Your liver is an organ that  _ filters  _ poison. You came to me because you’re in pain in the  _ exact  _ area that your liver is. The pain is because your liver is working overtime because you  _ won’t give it a rest _ .”

Angus grunted, then slid off the bed. “Then give me a  _ medicine  _ that makes it work better.”

I crossed my arms. “It doesn’t work that way, Angus. Look, do what you want, but it’s your funeral.”

Grumbling, Angus begrudgingly paid me and then stomped out. I watched him through the window as he stormed his way across the street to the saloon, but then he hesitated, stood still in indecision, then with a petulant stamp of his foot, wandered off in the other direction.

I smiled and shook my head, not under any illusion that Angus would give up drinking. But maybe I’d at least scared him into showing some restraint.

I straightened up, then checked my book to see when my next appointment was. 

Though the town had been steadily booming since the arrival of the train, I wasn’t overworked, thanks to the second practice that Dr. Raymond had opened at Philip Wylie’s hotel and hot springs.

I’d initially tried to discourage Raymond from going into business with Wylie, not trusting the shifty little man, but if anyone could handle him, it was Raymond. 

But even though Raymond shared the workload, was at my side in emergencies, and there if I needed time with my family, I still regretted the loss of Rachel’s assistance, even all these years later.

It wasn’t only her invaluable help that I missed, but also being able to share what I knew of medicine with someone who wanted to earn. My family helped whenever and however they could, but none of them had the passion for it that Rachel had. 

All the same, I was proud of her for going out on her own, still continuing with her passion for healing, but in her own way. She was a lot like me, in that respect.

I was shaken from my thoughts by a shrill cry, one that I knew in an instant and that sent my heart shooting into my throat.

I barely got a step toward the door before it was being shoved open and Roger was there, holding Lotte, whose mouth was open in a loud wail. 

“I’m sorry!” Roger was exclaiming, rushing Lotte to the bed. “I looked away for a  _ second  _ and…”

“Roger  _ what happened?!”  _ I demanded, considering whether I needed to slap him, since he was almost as hysterical as Lotte.

By the time he’d gotten her sat down, I could already tell that she wasn’t in mortal danger, so my own panic had subsided somewhat. She was hurt though, and I needed to know  _ where _ .

Roger gently tried to raise Lotte’s arm, but she shrieked and pulled it away.

“Darling, show Mama where you’re hurt,” I cooed, brushing her hair back off her face.

Sniffling pitifully, she crooked her elbow and showed me the underside of her forearm, where there was an angry red mark.

“What happened?” I asked again.

Roger sighed. “I don’t even know for sure. We were walking, and then we stopped to watch Joe, who was running around trying to catch that new pony of his that got out. Next thing I know, Lotte was by the forge, reaching for a horseshoe, and...I don’t know...she must have touched the coals...she was just screaming all of a sudden and…”

“It’s alright, Roger,” I said calmly, reaching one hand over to rest it briefly on his arm. The poor man was close to tears, and since I now knew for a fact that my daughter would be alright, I was able to find his distress for her sake endearing. “It doesn’t look like a serious burn, I don’t even think it’ll blister.”

“It hurts,” Lotte said, having stopped crying but was now hiccuping.

“I know, baby,” I said in sympathy. “Mama is going to put some medicine on it that will make it feel better, but it might hurt a little at first, okay?”

She frowned, seemingly at war between her trust in me and not liking the idea of anymore hurt.

I smiled at her as I reached for the salve and bandages. “I think we’re going to need Roger’s help for this one,” I told her. “Roger? Would you mind sitting here beside Lotte? And roll up your sleeve, please.”

Roger hurried to do as asked, lifting himself up on the cot next to her. 

“Alright,” I said theatrically. “What I need you both to do is take a  _ deeeep  _ breath.”

Child and man each took a breath, holding their arms at identical angles. 

“Now,” I continued. “Puff out your cheeks, like you’re about to blow out your birthday candles.”

Lotte had to fight a smile to do as instructed, and then nearly succumbed to giggles when she looked up at Roger and saw the ridiculous face he was making.

“Next, I’m going to put the medicine on, and when I say go, you blow out, just like the candles. Lotte, would you like Roger to go first?”

Cheeks puffed out like an adorable chipmunk, Lotte nodded.

“Ready, Roger?” I asked, grinning at him. His eyes twinkled with mirth when I said go, and he blew at me at the same time I rubbed salve on his arm. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“Not at all,” Roger said. “I was a little scared at first, but now I feel better.”

I turned to Lotte. “You ready?”

Lotte nodded, and I counted to three before saying go, and while she blew, I lightly dabbed on the salve, blowing on it myself. After that I quickly bandaged it up, and Lotte was no worse for the wear.

“What a brave girl you are,” I said, picking her up and cuddling her close. “ _ However _ , you know  _ fine well  _ to stay away from Mr. Joe’s forge.”

“He said he was gonna give me a horseshoe!” she exclaimed.

“And was he there to give it? No. When adults tell you  _ not  _ to do something, it’s because of things like this. If you’d only listened, you wouldn’t be hurt. I also think you owe Roger an apology, you scared him.”

“Sorry, Roger,” she said earnestly, leaning her head on my shoulder.

Roger smiled, but the poor thing looked drained. “I’m so sorry, Claire,” he said. 

I set Lotte down and told her to go to the room I had set aside as a playroom of sorts for her. “Accidents happen, Roger. It’s not your fault. But I don’t understand, I left Lotte with Jenny this morning.”

Roger shrugged. “One of her calves got stuck in the fence. She was on her way this direction, to leave her with either you or Brianna, but I know you’re busy and Bree took John riding, so…”

“Roger,” I began, smiling. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it, and you’re wonderful with Lotte, but you know you needn’t…”

Roger held up a hand to stall me. “I wasn’t busy, and minding Lotte is no chore for me...or at least, it wouldn’t normally be, until she decided to give me a heart attack today.”

“You’re going to be an excellent father someday, you know,” I said fondly.

Roger flushed, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Thanks. Well, do you need me to take Lotte now?”

I shook my head. “I only have a couple short appointments left, and she’ll probably nap now after all her excitement. Thank you for getting her here so quickly.”

“Of course. Good day, Dr. B.”

“Roger,” I called before he could make it to the door. “You said Bree and John went riding?”

Roger grimaced, and nodded.

I sighed. “Look, just...don’t give up on her, okay?”

He chuckled self consciously. “Not sure how I can compete with someone like  _ Lord John Gray.  _ But thanks, Claire. I’ll see you later.”

After seeing to my last patients, I woke Lotte from her nap, but at that point she was grumpy as well as hurting, and was completely irate over the fact that she’d left her favorite toy, Mac the bunny, at Jenny’s house that morning.

She wasn’t the only one annoyed, because Jenny’s house was in the opposite direction of home, but I knew there’d be no getting Lotte to bed that night without Mac, so I sat her in front of me on Flash and we headed for Jenny’s ranch.

“Mama, can I still have one of Joe’s horseshoes?” Lotte asked along the way.

“I’m not so sure about that,” I said. “You disobeyed and went near the forge, I don’t think that’s very deserving of a reward, do you?”

“But I won’t do it again!”

“I should say not. Joe might not even want to give you one anymore after you disobeyed him,” I knew fine well that wouldn’t be true. Joe was possibly an even bigger pushover when it came to Lotte than Roger was. “But if he does, you may have it, so long as you apologize to him for disobeying. And I hope every time that burn hurts, you’ll remember why you should listen to people who love you.”

Lotte nodded. “Just the people who love me?”

I chuckled. “Well, yes, I suppose you need only obey people who love you.”

I could hear the grimace in her voice as she spoke next. “But  _ lots  _ of people love me. That’s a lot of people I have t’obey.”

“That’s the price we pay for being lovable, Lotte Love. Now come on, let’s hurry and get Mac so we can get home to start supper.  _ No  _ dawdling about, understood?”

“Yes’m.”

I swung myself off of Flash, then reached up for Lotte and set her down. She skipped ahead, scattering chickens in her wake, then let herself into the house. I followed her in, calling out a hullo, but there was no one there.

“She must be in the field still,” I said. “I hope that calf of hers is alright. Suppose we should look for Auntie Jenny and make sure?”

Lotte nodded eagerly, charging out of the house with Mac under her arm and leading the way to the pasture with the ease of one who’d been roaming the area her whole life.

“I see Auntie Jenny!” Lotte exclaimed. “And...and... _ what are you doing _ ?!”

I skidded to a stop, reaching down and yanking Lotte back and attempting to turn her around, though she was having none of it.

Jenny was pressed up against the wall of the barn by none other than Two Moons. They flew apart at the sound of Lotte’s voice, red-faced and gasping.

Thank God they were mostly fully dressed, else I’d be forced to answer some  _ very  _ awkward questions from my inquisitive four-year-old. But  _ my  _ mind would forever be imprinted with the image of Jenny shoving her skirts down and yanking her blouse up, and Ian turning away to tie up the fly on his buckskin trousers. 

“Ah, Ian,” I said, clearing my throat awkwardly. “I didn’t know you were back already.”

“Erm, yes,” he said, looking everywhere but my face. “Hunting was scarce. I have come just this morning.”

“Have you?” I asked, my own embarrassment becoming surprisingly overcome by humor. “ _ Just  _ this morning?”

Jenny’s eyes flew open wide. “Claire!”

I pinned my gaze on Jenny.“Is this the calf whose head was caught in a...ehem...fence?”

If it were at all possible, Jenny’s face turned even redder. “ _ No _ ,” she hissed. “I got that sorted this morning.”

“Where’s the calf?” Lotte asked.

“Excellent question, darling.”

Two Moons, seemingly wanting  _ desperately  _ to change the subject, looked down at Lotte. “This cannot be my niece Charlotte Faith Nayawenne…she is far too big.”

“It’s me, Uncle Ian!” Lotte exclaimed, running toward him. “Look, I got a burn!”

While Two Moons admired Lotte’s wound, I smirked at Jenny.

“Shut up,” she muttered.

I rolled my eyes, then grabbed her arm to lead her a few paces away. “I didn’t  _ say  _ anything. I just...I had no idea that you and Ian had progressed to...well…”

“Well, it’s not like I was going to put an advertisement in the newspaper!” she exclaimed. “Besides, it’s nobody’s business.”

“Perhaps not, but you know, when you do  _ that  _ outdoors where anyone can come waltzing up, it sort of  _ becomes  _ their business. For God’s sake, Jen, what if it had been Murtagh, or Jamie?”

“God in Heaven,” she groaned. “Don’t even speak that into existence!”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Are you telling me you  _ still  _ haven’t told your Uncle Murtagh?”

“Are you joking? It would give the old man a heart attack! He may not be as narrow minded as some, but there’s no  _ way  _ he’d accept my relationship with Ian.”

“So, what then? You’re just going to hide it forever? Have you two even given any thought about what you’re going to  _ do _ ? Have you talked about marriage?”

Jenny leveled me with a grim look. “And, what, run away to the Quaker village with Young Ian and Rachel? That would be about the only way we  _ could  _ get married. No. I don’t  _ need  _ marriage anyway. I have my home, my ranch.”

“I didn’t say you  _ needed  _ it,” I said. “But...you love Ian...don’t you?”

Jenny looked back at where Two Moons was holding Lotte so that she could pet one of the cows. “Yes. But I don’t need to marry him to love him.”

“No,” I agreed, thinking back to my courtship days with Jamie. Of course I would have wanted to be with him with or without matrimony, but it had felt, to me, like the last piece of the puzzle. I supposed it was an entirely different story for me, though, because Jamie wasn’t an Indian. “But what about children?”

She shrugged. “What about them?”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “What  _ about  _ them? Are you being  _ careful  _ at all?”

Jenny blushed again. “Yes,  _ Dr. B. _ I’m not a complete fool. What happened earlier was...well...it was sort of spur of the moment.”

“Well, I can’t say I don’t relate…”

“Ugh.”

“What?” I laughed. 

She frowned at me. “You’re married to my  _ brother _ , Claire.”

“At least we’ve never given you cause to  _ see  _ it!”

“No, but I’ve been a guest at your house enough times that I am  _ far  _ too familiar with certain...sounds.”

I wrinkled my nose in discomfort. Jamie made fun of me constantly...my seeming inability to keep...quiet.

Speaking more loudly, so that Two Moons could hear, “Are you coming to dinner tonight? Jamie’s old friend John Gray is in town.”

“I would love to, Claire, thank you,” he replied.

“What is going on with him and Bree?” Jenny asked. “The two have been joined at the hip all day. I’m pretty sure I saw smoke coming out of Roger’s ears.”

“I’m not sure,” I said. “Brianna says they’re not courting, but it sounds an awful lot like courting to  _ me _ . Jamie’s absolutely  _ convinced  _ that John has no interest in Brianna that way, but I think it’s just that to Jamie, Bree is a girl, and he just can’t imagine a friend of  _ his _ , who he sees as being his own peer, looking at Brianna as a woman.”

“I could understand that,” Jenny said. “Maybe Jamie should have a talk with John himself, man to man, and find out exactly what his intentions are.”

“I agree. And I know how fond Jamie is of John, so am I, but how much does he even really know the man? He’s seen him twice in the past fifteen years, and really only knew him when they were scarcely more than boys.”

Jenny chuckled. “I don’t know, that might be your over-protective side talking.”

I glared playfully at her. “I’m entitled. Lotte! Time to go! Ian, Jenny, I’ll see you at supper,” I took Lotte’s hand, leading her begrudgingly away from Two Moons, but before I left, I looked at them from over my shoulder. “Oh, and Jenny? Your blouse is still unbuttoned.”

“Da!” Lotte screamed, and would have thrown herself bodily off of Flash had I not anticipated just that and wrapped my arm around her middle.

“There’s my wee  _ ahyoka _ !’ Jamie exclaimed, hurrying over with his arms outstretched, and when he was in catching-range, I released our daughter to tumble safely into them.

“Da, look!” she said, showing him her arm.

“ _ Ah Dhia, _ what happened?” he asked, looking at first her, then me in concern.

“She got burned, playing too close to Joe’s forge,” I said sternly.

Jamie set Lotte on her feet, then reached up to help me down. “I see. Ye ken what they say about playing wi’ fire, lass.”

“No...” Lotte said, tilting her head to one side. “What  _ do  _ they say?”

Jamie chuckled. “That ye’ll get  _ burned _ .”

Lotte stared at him a moment more, letting that set in. “Obviously.”

I laughed at Jamie’s stunned expression as Lotte marched imperiously away toward Rollo who was rushing to greet her.

“Where in God’s name did she learn the word  _ obviously _ ?” he asked.

“Who knows,” I said. “She spends all of her time around adults. Do you think we ought to get her to spend more time with children her age?”

Jamie scoffed. “So she can learn tae pick her nose and whine? Nah. She can learn that just as easily from Rupert and Angus. Now, how was your day, Sassenach?”

I harrumphed. “Just fine until now, when I’ve come home to a husband who has scarcely greeted his wife…”

Jamie grinned at me before grabbing me by the waist and kissing me hard enough that my back bent backward.

“I’ve been verra lax in my duties of late,” he said. “Ye may need tae punish me.”

“Oh?” I asked, smirking. “And how shall I do that? A time out?”

“I’m thinking more along th’ lines of going tae bed early…”

“Ew, you’re just like Auntie Jenny and Uncle Ian!” Lotte exclaimed, laughing.

“Lotte, I believe Adso needs to be fed,” I reminded her, and she took off again in search of the cat, Rollo at her heels.

“What’s this about Jenny and Ian?” Jamie asked.

I looped my arm around his, leading the way toward the house. “Well, Lotte forgot Mac at Jenny’s house, so we went back to fetch him and happened to stumble upon your sister and Ian  _ in flagrante delicto _ .”

“ _ What?” _

“They were…”

“No, I ken what ye  _ meant,  _ Sassenach, but ye mean ye  _ saw  _ them?”

I chuckled. “They were outside by the barn. They were hard to miss.”

“And  _ Lotte  _ saw them?!”

“They were  _ dressed _ , Jamie,” I said, going into the kitchen and pouring myself a glass of water from the pump. “She didn’t  _ see  _ anything other than kissing, or at least she didn’t see anything she  _ understood _ . But it’s definitely an image  _ I  _ won’t be able to erase from my mind anytime soon.

“Christ,” Jamie muttered, raking a hand through his hair. “I canna believed Ian didn’a  _ tell  _ me that he and Jen were...were…”

“I got the impression that it’s sort of recent development,” I said. “But Ian may have been afraid to tell you, in case you’d be angry.”

Jamie furrowed his brow at me. “Why would I be  _ angry _ ? Aye, I’m concerned, for obvious reasons, but no’  _ angry _ . I canna think of anyone I’d like more tae be wi’ Jenny than him, but wi’ th’ way things  _ are _ …”

“I know,” I said. “And they know, too. But Jenny wouldn’t be the first white woman to be with an Indian man. Ian’s first wife was white.”

“Aye, but normally a white woman joins th’ tribe,” Jamie pointed out. “A white man can sometimes get away wi’ having a squaw for a bride in certain communities, but look at what happened tae Young Ian and Rachel, they had tae run away.”

“And you don’t want that to happen to Ian and Jenny, I know, but Jamie, I think you really just have to let them figure it out for themselves.”

“I suppose,” he huffed. “So long as they dinna give my wife and wee’un anymore  _ peep shows _ .”

I chuckled. “Speaking of couples...have you spoken to John today?”

“No’ since this morning,” Jamie started rooting around in the cupboards, and I knew he was searching for the tin of cookies we kept up and out of Lotte’s reach, but little did he know that I’d eaten the last one the day before. “Why?”

“You need to talk to him,” I said.

He glanced back at me before peering behind the flour container. “Why?”

Sighing, I picked an apple up off the counter and handed it to him. “He’s been out with Bree all day.”

“Aye?” he prompted, frowning in disappointment at the apple before taking a bite. “She took him riding. What of it?”

I let out a groan and sat down at the table. “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, Jamie, you need to find out what John’s  _ intentions  _ are with her. Even  _ she  _ doesn’t seem totally clear on whether or not they’re courting and…”

“Sassenach,” he broke in, sitting across from me. “I told ye, it isn’a like that for John.”

“Did he  _ tell  _ you that?”

“No, but...Claire, just trust me.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. There was something he wasn’t telling me, and  _ that  _ was something that hadn’t happened in some years. I didn’t much care for it. “Fine,” I relented. “But it  _ is  _ like that for Brianna, and she’s having a hell of a time figuring out her feelings between him and Roger, so if John truly has no romantic interest in her, then he needs to tell her.”

Jamie sighed, then pinched the bridge of his nose. “Alright, alright, I’ll talk tae him.”

“Thank you.”

Dinner was an interesting affair of Jamie giving side-long looks to Two Moons and Jenny, Brianna giving shy glances to John, me watching Brianna with concern, while William and Fergus fought over the last roll.

Two Moons and John got on well, which I knew would make Jamie happy. In fact, John got on well with the entire family. So I just couldn’t understand why Jamie was  _ so  _ adamant that John and Brianna wouldn’t be a suitable pair.

Oh, I didn’t particularly think so either, but I was very partial to Roger, whereas he and Jamie had simply never really clicked as friends.

After dinner, and Jenny, Two Moons, and William had gone for the night, I went to tuck in Lotte, hoping Jamie would find a private moment with John to talk.

“Have you said your prayers?” I asked her.

Shaking her head, Lotte folded her little hands under her chin and screwed her eyes shut. “God bless me, and Mama, and Da, and Fergus, and Rollo, and Roger, and Willie, and Bree, and Auntie Jenny, and Uncle Ian, and Adso, and Mr. John, and Uncle Joe, and…”

I sat back with an indulgent smile as she rattled off virtually every citizen of town, all in a  _ very  _ precise order of how high they rate currently in her estimation.

“Amen!” she concluded at last.

“Very good,” I said, kissing her cheek. “Sleep well, Lotte Love.”

“Night, night, Mama,” but just as her eyes started to drift shut, they shot back open again. “Mama?”

I hadn’t even stood up yet, anticipating her usual line of random questions that only seemed to occur when she was supposed to be sleeping. “Yes, darling?”

“Is Bree and Roger gonna get married?”

I blinked, rather wondering if she’d heard Roger say something to make her think that. “I don’t know.”

“Is Auntie Jenny and Uncle Ian gonna get married?”

I chuckled. “I don’t know that either, Lotte. Why?”

“Are you and Da gonna get married?”

This time, I laughed aloud. “Lotte! Da and I are already married!”

Lotte’s rosebud mouth turned down into a pout. “That’s not fair!”

“Why isn’t it fair?”

“Cause I wasn’t there!”

“You weren’t  _ born  _ yet, silly! Mamas and Das usually get married  _ before  _ having cute little babies.”

“But Fergus and Willie and Bree were there!” she argued. “They’re in the...the…”

“Portrait,” I provided. “Yes, your brothers and sister were at Da’s and my wedding. But  _ they  _ didn’t come out of my belly like you did.”

Lotte’s eyes went round. “They  _ didn’t _ ?” she gasped.

I was certain we’d discussed this with her before, but I supposed at not-quite-five, she couldn’t be expected to remember  _ every  _ conversation. “No, Willie, Bree, and Fergus had  _ different  _ mamas. Willie and Bree’s mama was named Charlotte, just like you.”

“What about Fergus’s mama?”

I grimaced, having never realized until trying to explain it to a small child just how complicated our family sounded. “Fergus doesn’t remember his birth mother,” I said. “He was adopted by Charlotte, which means she decided to be his mama because she loved him. And then when Charlotte died and went to Heaven,  _ I  _ adopted Willie, Bree, and Fergus, because  _ I  _ loved them.”

“Oh,” she said solemnly. “Who’s gonna ‘dopt me when  _ you  _ die?”

I coughed, somehow not having expected  _ that  _ question. “Well, I don’t plan to die until you’re an old lady,  _ but _ , if anything were to happen to me and Da, you have your brothers and sister to look after you. And Auntie Jenny, and Uncle Ian, Uncle Joe and Auntie Gale...you have no shortage of people who love you, my darling.”

“Okay!” Lotte chirped, unperturbed. “But if anybody  _ does  _ get married, can I be the flower girl?”

I sighed. Talking to Lotte could be exhausting sometimes. “Yes, I’m sure you can. Now go to  _ sleep _ .”

Standing up, I looked down at the pair of yellow eyes watching me patiently from the floor. “Alright, mister. I have vacated your spot.”

Rollo jumped onto the bed, settling himself in his customary place, curled around Lotte like a furry fortress. 

I shook my head, amazed as I always was by the picture they made, the already gigantic wolf looking even bigger nestled next to Lotte’s tiny form. But there was hardly a safer child in Colorado.

I peeked in on Fergus, who was reading in bed, then on Brianna, whose reflection in the mirror smiled at me while she brushed her hair. “Where’s your father?” I asked her.

“He and John went out a while ago to check the horses,” she said.

I nodded, glad. “Goodnight, darling.”

“Night, Mama.”

I went downstairs and gathered up a couple whisky glasses that had gotten left out, when I thought I heard raised voices. Following the sound, I went out to the front porch, and could hear Jamie shouting from inside the barn.

“That’s not what I meant by  _ talk _ ,” I muttered, heading toward the barn in case I needed to rescue John.

“Are ye out of your goddamned  _ mind _ ?!” Jamie railed, and I paused midstep. I didn’t think I’d ever quite heard Jamie sound like that before. It was  _ beyond  _ angry, and I was no stranger to Jamie’s anger.

“If you would  _ stop  _ blustering and  _ listen  _ for a moment, you’ll see that I’ve quite thought this through!” John shouted back.

“Thought it through?  _ Thought it through _ ?! She’s my  _ daughter _ , John! D’ye no’ understand that?!”

“If she were your biological child, I’d never consider it,” John said. “But be realistic, Jamie, she was an adult before you even adopted her. I care about her, I can provide for her, I can take  _ care  _ of her. What more could you want?”

“Christ, man! I want a man who can  _ love  _ her! If ye care about her as ye say ye do, don’t ye think she deserves that?”

“What makes you think I  _ can’t  _ love her?! Love isn’t just about sex, Jamie. And I’ll have you know, I’m perfectly capable of…” 

_ “ _ Stop now, John…”

I wanted to go in, stop this somehow, because Jamie sounded murderous, but I was frozen as a few pieces to the puzzle fell into place.

“I’m only saying that I’m capable of being an adequate husband…”

The sound of a fist striking a nose was unmistakable, and I was spurred into action, barging into the barn, ready to stop a bloodbath if need be.

But Jamie only stood over John, his hands curled into tight fists, and John covered his bleeding nose with his hands.

“Jamie,” I said sharply enough to catch his attention.

Jamie whirled around to me, some of the fury fading from his eyes at the sight of me, but not completely.

When he turned back to John, he was calmer, but still growled at him through clenched teeth. “You will  _ kindly  _ make it known tae Bree that ye have  _ no  _ intentions wi’ her. Is that understood?”

John glanced at me then back again before nodding.

Jamie turned his back on his friend, gently but firmly grabbing my arm in the process. “Come on, Sassenach.”

“But Jamie,” I protested. “I should check his…”

“He’s  _ fine,  _ Sassenach.”

I supposed if John’s nose was broken or anything disastrous, he could just as easily get help from Dr. Raymond at the hotel. For the moment, it appeared to be more important that I go with my husband.

  
  



	4. Never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire and Jamie talk following his fight with John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter today, but hopefully a good one!

I waited until we got into our bedroom, and until after I’d sat Jamie down at my vanity to wash his bloodied knuckles to question him. 

“So, you were wrong,” I said. Probably not the  _ best  _ way to open things, but it was true. “John  _ did _ have intentions with Brianna.”

“But no’ honorable ones,” he muttered, hissing as I poured alcohol on the cut. “He needs a lass tae marry, tae keep up wi’ appearances, keep his name in good standing. Perhaps there are women out there who wouldn’a  _ mind  _ a husband that will never want her as a man wants a woman. Perhaps a woman who doesn’a want tae be bothered o’ermuch. But I’ll be  _ damned  _ if he tries tae turn my daughter into that woman. She might not know any better, but I ken she deserves more.”

“I agree,” I said softly. “And I believe so would Brianna, if she knew. How long have you known? About John?”

Jamie shook his head. “Almost as long as I’ve known him. I dinna care one way or th’ other, not unless it has the potential to hurt Brianna. Th’ Cheyenne dinna persecute them, th’ way white men do, ye ken. They’re known as Two Spirits, and they’re just like everyone else.”

I sat down beside him on the small vanity bench. “Why didn’t you just  _ tell  _ me that that was why you knew John didn’t have feelings for Bree?”

Jamie grimaced. “It isn’a something he likes talked about, for obvious reasons. I wasn’a meaning tae hide it from you, I’m just used to keeping his secret, I suppose.”

“And you thought I might react badly?” I asked.

This time, Jamie looked a little shamefaced. “I ken ye’re no’ a judgmental woman, Sassenach. But ye  _ are  _ a  _ Proper Bostonian Lady,  _ whether ye like tae admit it or not. I didn’a want ye tae think badly of th’ man, is all.”

I laughed. “I suppose I can understand your thinking. It must be a terrible burden to bear, living as John does. But he shouldn’t try to marry a woman just for appearance’s sake. My uncle never married, and no one ever questioned his  _ special friend _ .”

Jamie blinked, then twisted in his seat to stare at me. “Wait, Charlie was…”

I giggled, and nodded. “Well, Uncle Lamb never  _ admitted  _ it to me, but, well, we  _ did _ live in the same house, and he never expressly hid it. Uncle Lamb and Charlie were best of  _ friends  _ for most of my life, until Charlie passed away.

Jamie smiled. “Ye ought tae tell John of that.”

I  _ harrumphed _ . “If the poor man hasn’t left town by morning. You hit him awfully hard.”

Jamie waved his hand. “Not th’ first time.”

“Is he going to talk to Bree? Maybe he should just tell her the truth, it might hurt her less.”

“Dinna ken if he’ll do that,” Jamie said. “But perhaps I will if nothing else, once he’s gone. She’ll no doubt be embarrassed, either way.”

I sighed, leaning against him. “I hope Lotte is a little less...impulsive with her infatuations.”

“Hmph,” Jamie grumbled. “I’ve told ye, I dinna want tae talk about Lotte having  _ infatuations _ . 

I turned to give him a kiss. “It’s bound to happen someday, my love. But luckily for both Lotte and Bree, they’re being raised by a man who shows them every day just precisely how a woman ought to be treated by her husband. 

Jamie smiled and kissed me again. “Oh aye, wi’ regular spankings, is that it?” 

Before I could react, Jamie had one around around my waist and was yanking me to lay face-down across his lap.

“Jamie!” I squealed, though I tried not to be too loud as I squirmed and kicked ineffectually at him. “And just  _ what  _ have I done to deserve this?”

I gasped as his hand slid under my skirt and up the back of my thigh. “Ye went spying on Ian and Jenny, seeing things ye oughtn’t.”

I wrinkled my nose. “ _ Must  _ you bring that up just now?”

“Fine. Then...ye keep trying tae marry off our daughters. Surely that deserves punishment.”

I felt cold air hit my rear end the second before Jamie’s hand gave me a swift slap, only hard enough to make a sound, not enough to hurt. 

“And  _ now  _ ye’re laughing at me!” Jamie exclaimed, which, I couldn’t deny that I was. He struck me again, a little harder, and this time I felt a slight sting. “Are ye sorry?”

I bit my lower lip, stifling a giggle. “No.”

Jamie slapped me again, then pinched me just under my arse, making me laugh harder and wriggle to get away. Succeeding in my escape, I sat up, but didn’t go very far. Instead, I straddled Jamie’s lap, since my skirt was already hiked up anyway.

“Did you know,” I said, draping my arms around his neck. “That as a little girl, I was positively convinced that I’d have a wife when I was grown up, not a husband.”

Jamie’s eyebrows went up. “Is that so? And just what sort of woman did wee Claire have in mind?”

I grinned, tilting my head to one side. “I imagine she’d be very pretty. Red hair, strong chin, muscles. A whiskery face.”

Jamie grimaced. “Doesn’a sound like a verra pretty woman to  _ me _ . I think ye can do better, Sassenach.”

“I disagree,” I said, kissing him. 

I’d been led to believe, not only by uptight ladies in Boston but also by several of the women in town, that as the years went by, my romantic relationship with Jamie would mellow. We would perhaps (hopefully) grow closer as companions, but physicality would become less important, less needed.

It had been six years. I didn’t know when that mellowing was supposed to take place, when I was supposed to need his touch less…

But it hadn’t happened yet.

I raked my hands through his hair, hauling myself up to bring our bodies as close as possible.

Jamie’s hands gripped my thighs, his tongue skillfully seeking out all the places in my mouth that made me weak with want. 

Since my skirt was already hiked up thanks to his antics, there was nothing between us except for his trousers, and he quickly squeezed a hand between us to undo the flies, and in the process accidentally (or not so accidentally, more like,) brushed his knuckle across my core, causing me to bury my face in his neck to muffle my exclamation.

I pulled at his shirt, but neither of us seemed to want to find the time to undress. Jamie slid his hands back under my thighs and stood, taking me with him while I wrapped my legs firmly around his hips, not letting a breath of space come between us.

He sat me on the edge of the dresser, narrowly catching my jewelry box before it could fall and wake the entire house. 

“We willn’a get much farther if ye dinna let me move,” Jamie breathed in my ear with a chuckle. I was holding on to him so tightly, he couldn’t maneuver himself inside me.

We couldn’t have that. I loosened my death grip on his hips and reached between us myself, giving him a couple firm strokes, just enough to have him moaning into my shoulder before guiding him in.

Jamie fastened his mouth on the juncture of my neck and shoulder - when he’d gotten my blouse unbuttoned, I had no idea - and came into me hard. 

The dresser banged into the wall, and he reached a hand behind me to try and grab the edge and hold it still, but it was a losing battle...not that I had it in me to care.

When would I grow tired of it? When would the feel of him, sliding in and out of me...stretching me to my limit...become an afterthought? When would the look on his face...the one of utter bliss, abandon, and adoration...ever  _ not  _ be the most beautiful sight I can behold?

Never.

The answer is never.

  
  
  
  
  



	5. Blood or No Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brianna learns of Jamie’s fight with John and isn’t happy about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a short chapter, but the next one is where we switch things up and get ready for the First Big Adventure of the story!

Brianna had already been gone when I woke up (admittedly rather late) the next morning, and Fergus was in the kitchen giving Lotte her breakfast.

“Thank you, darling,” I said, kissing his cheek as I passed. “Where’s your father?”

“He went up to check the still. Is everything alright? I asked him if John was going with him and he made a face and didn’t answer.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes toward the ceiling. “I’m afraid your father and John had...a disagreement last night. Where’s Bree? I need to speak with her.”

“She left a little while ago,” he said. “Said something about meeting John for breakfast. Do you think the two of them are going to start courtin’?”

I sat down at the table beside Lotte, grinning at her as I playfully swiped a piece of apple off her plate, but she only giggled and offered me another. “No, I don’t think that is in the cards. That’s what I hoped to speak with Bree about before she left for the morning.”

Fergus shook his head. “All this nonsense about courtin’ is ridiculous. I don’t think I ever wanna court a girl.”

I smiled. “Never? I don’t know...forever is an awfully long time. Just wait, you might run into a young woman tomorrow and your life will just never be the same. It happened to me with Jamie, and I was quite convinced I’d remain a spinster forever.”

“I wanna court!” Lotte piped up. 

I laughed. “You will someday, my sweet. Just don’t let Da hear you say that just yet!”

We all jumped when, all of a sudden, the front door banged open.

“Where is he?!” Brianna exclaimed, storming inside.

“I beg your pardon?” I asked levely, having a good guess at the reason behind her flashing eyes and clenched fists. Sometimes it honestly amazed me that Brianna wasn’t Jamie’s biological daughter. Between their flaming red hair and equally as hot tempers, they were a lot alike.

“Jamie!” she snapped in answer. “Where is he?!”

I stood up slowly, then picked up a wide-eyed Lotte and handed her to Fergus. “Fergus, could you take Lotte with you while you do your chores?”

“Sure, Mama,” he said, beating a hasty retreat.

Once they were gone, I folded my arms. “First of all,” I began calmly. “I don’t appreciate you barging in here yelling like that. Second,  _ your father  _ is at the still and I sure as hell hope you find a  _ very _ different attitude before you speak to him.”

Brianna calmed down some, but the anger did not abate. “I’m not a child, Mother, and I don’t need you  _ or  _ Jamie making decisions about my life!”

I shook my head. “Wait, I’m confused, what decisions have we been making?”

“You know what! John! He’s leaving today on the afternoon train. He thanked me for a lovely visit and that he hoped to see me around school in the fall. He would barely look at me! I  _ saw  _ the bruise on his cheek, and I know Jamie is who put it there! Why?! I thought they were friends!”

“That’s  _ all  _ John said?” I asked. “He didn’t offer any other...explanation?”

“He didn’t need to! Christ, he acted almost  _ ashamed _ ! Who I’m with is  _ my  _ business, not yours, and  _ not  _ Jamie’s!”

“Yes,” I agreed. “And whatever goes on between Jamie and John is between  _ them _ . Jamie was John’s friend  _ long  _ before he was your father. He knows him a lot better than you do. Anything he’s done, is because he  _ loves  _ you, and wants you to be happy.”

“It’s not  _ up  _ to him!” she hissed. “Maybe John made me happy!”

I tilted my head to one side. “Fine. Did he? If you’re in love with John, why are you standing here screaming at me about it? Go after him.”

My challenge caught Brianna short and she sputtered something unintelligible before taking a deep breath through her nose. “I didn’t say I was  _ in love  _ with John,” she said more calmly.

“Then  _ what  _ is all this about?” I asked. 

“I just…” Brianna threw her hands out and started to pace back and forth. I bit back a smile, since I doubted very much she would appreciate me telling her how much like Jamie she was when she paced that way. “Roger is already terrified of Jamie. So much that he’ll barely even…” she blushed, cutting her eyes over to me.

I took a deep breath of my own, mentally fortifying. “Go on,” I prompted.

“Once,” she blurted. “Roger has kissed me  _ once.  _ And not even then! I kissed  _ him _ ! Any time I’ve tried to take  _ any  _ step toward a slightly more...mature relationship, he goes running. I’m not ready to get married, but he acts like we can’t even be alone together until we do. At least John seemed to like spending time alone with me. At least he treated me like a grown woman and not a little girl who needs protected. It felt  _ nice _ . But then Da had to go and scare him away too! It isn’t fair!”

“You’re right in that your father’s...methods of meddling were wrong,” I allowed. “But you’re just going to have to trust me that he had very good reason. John is a good man, but he…” I bit my lip, unsure how to make her understand why John wasn’t a good prospect without telling her the truth about him when it wasn’t my place to do so. “John is in a very…difficult point in his life, much as you are. There are things about him you don’t know, but it isn’t for me to tell you. And besides that, it’s hardly fair to  _ him  _ for you to consider pursuing something with him when it’s abundantly clear that your heart isn’t in it, either.”

Brianna’s shoulders drooped. “I guess you might be right about that.”

I stepped closer to her and took her hands. “Brianna, I know you’re a grown woman with a mind very much your own, and Jamie knows that, too. But if you want…” I fought back the extreme discomfort I felt about this conversation. “If you want a  _ mature  _ relationship, then you’re simply going to have to approach it more maturely. And that would begin with  _ not  _ stomping into this house throwing a tantrum like a child. After that,  _ you  _ are going to have to talk with Roger. Make your expectations known to him. If he’s careful with you it’s because he cares so much about you, and he respects you  _ and  _ this family. Those are good things, even if they feel frustrating to you right now.”

Brianna huffed, but her ire began to fade completely. “I’m sorry for yelling,” she said at last.

“I forgive you,” I said. “Now why don’t you go up to the still and talk to Jamie? I think he’s upset about what happened with John, and he was probably afraid you would react much the way you did.”

Brianna’s jaw twitched but she nodded. “Alright.”

~~~

Working in the still was hot work, even early in the morning. Jamie seldom discarded his shirt outside his bedroom, but there was no one around, and no one likely to come around. That was, until he saw Brianna making her way up the hill. 

He put down the barrel he was carrying and mopped the sweat off his brow as she made her way toward him, her arms crossed. She didn’t look pleased, but at least she wasn’t fuming as he thought she might.

“I saw John,” she said without preamble. “I can’t believe you hit him.”

Jamie huffed. “Bree…”

She held up a hand, stopping him. “I talked to Ma. She made me understand a few things. I still don’t know  _ why  _ you’re so adverse to John and me, but I suppose that’s neither here nor there. I don’t love John, but you have  _ got  _ to get it through your stubborn head that my relationships with men are  _ none  _ of your business.”

Jamie grimaced, not entirely comfortable with the way she said  _ relationships with men _ . 

“Oh?” he said. “Am I tae just stand around and smile and watch ye get hurt?”

“Well, yes,” she said without hesitation. “Because it’s  _ my  _ life. If I fall on my ass, then so be it. It’s  _ my  _ ass to fall on. If you had  _ actual  _ reasons for not wanting John and me together, as Mama insinuated, then you should have just talked to me about it, and let me make the choice on my own.”

“He likes men, Brianna.”

Brianna opened her mouth to say something else, then snapped it shut. “What?”

He arched a brow at her. “Ye wanted th’ truth? His attraction is tae men, no’ women. His interest in ye was because he  _ does  _ like ye, cares for ye even, and thought he could be a fine enough husband tae ye. But he would never desire ye as a woman, and you deserve a husband who loves ye mind  _ and  _ body, no’ one who is using you tae keep up appearances.”

Brianna blinked several times, her mouth opening and closing like a fish. “...Oh. So he was...using me.”

Jamie nodded. “Ye canna be too angry wi’ him, lass. You were using him, too.”

Brianna’s eyes flashed. “I was not! Testing the waters to see if I  _ could  _ love him is not  _ using  _ him!”

Jamie arched a brow at her. “Oh? And making Wee Roger green wi’ jealousy was just a happy side effect, hm?”

“I...I wasn’t spending time with John just to make Roger jealous!”

“Maybe no’  _ just  _ to make him jealous, but I dinna believe for a moment that ye weren’t well aware of th’ fact.”

“How dare you!”

Jamie turned to Brianna fully. He’d had his shirt in his hands when she approached, but he tossed it down. “Brianna Ellen, you are my daughter, like it or not. Ye are mine tae protect, until such time comes that ye choose someone tae spend your life with. I will let ye make your own decisions, I will no’ try and stop ye from marrying who ye will, or no’ at all. But I will  _ never  _ stop trying tae keep ye safe, tae keep ye from hurt. I can accept that you are a woman grown, wi’ a life tae live on your own...but you will just have to accept that you will  _ always  _ be  _ my  _ wee lass.”

Brianna had her chin tilted defiantly up at him...so like Claire, she was, no matter that they shared no blood. But then her posture melted, and she collapsed against him, her arms going around his waist.

Jamie held her tightly, his hand cupping the back of her head. “Ye’re th’ child of my heart,” he murmured into her hair. “Ye canna change that.”

“I don’t want to,” she said. “I love you, Da,” she stiffened suddenly, then pulled away. “Roger!”

Jamie turned, surprised to find Roger hovering nearby. He could tell by the way Roger’s gaze flicked guiltily to Jamie’s face that he’d previously been staring at Jamie’s back. It didn’t bother him as it once had, though, and he stepped away from Brianna, nodding.

“Roger, lad. Have ye come tae speak wi’ Bree, then?”

“Well,” Roger began. “Yes. Claire told me she’d come up here, but I didn’t mean to intrude.”

Jamie nodded again, pulling on his shirt. “Nay matter. I haven’a kissed my wife good morning yet, and she gets most cross when I dinna.”

“And after that,” Brianna said. “Maybe you should talk to John before he leaves. I don’t want your friendship with him to be damaged because of me.”

Jamie chuckled. “Dinna fash, lass. Our friendship canna be hurt by one wee punch tae th’ jaw. Roger…”

“I know,” Roger said, smiling. “ _ Dinna be long about it _ , right?”

Jamie was torn between annoyance and admiration for Roger’s admittedly spot-on Scottish impersonation. “I was  _ going  _ tae ask if ye would mind putting out th’ fire when th’ two of ye leave.”

Roger nodded in surprise, and Jamie turned and made his way back down the hill, trying  _ very  _ hard not to remember what he and Claire were like in the earlier days of their relationship every time they found themselves alone.


	6. Love and Fear, Don’t Fear to Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John departs, and a patient is rushed to Claire’s clinic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going to go back and respond to some comments because y’all are amazing!! But in the meantime...update! Because I couldn’t wait until tomorrow lol. This is where we start to get real, folks...
> 
> Trigger Warning: This chapter (and future chapters) discusses miscarriage. It is not...I repeat NOT Claire! Message me if you would like more information on what sort of details there are before you read. <3

“Charlotte, dinna get too close tae th’ train now!” Jamie called to his daughter who pretended to ignore him, but he could see the way she slowed her steps and remained a safe distance from the hissing locomotive. 

“She’s a delightful child,” John said. “You should be very proud, Jamie.”

Jamie smiled at his friend. “Aye, I am. There are no hard feelings, are there, John?”

Despite his assurances to his family, he  _ did  _ genuinely hope that their argument hadn’t bruised more than John’s face.

John shook his head. “You were right, Jamie. Of course you were. I hope you’ll forgive  _ me _ . I hope Brianna will, as well.”

Jamie smiled. “She’s a verra resilient lass. She’ll be fine. You’re sure ye willn’a stay for Claire’s party?”

“Thank you,” John said. “But I really should go and see my brother. I promised my nephew that I’d spend time with him this summer, and being around your lovely children has reminded me that I’m not fulfilling that promise.”

John looked away from him and smiled. Jamie turnedto follow his gaze, and naturally had to smile as well at his beloved wife, carrying their daughter as she approached.

“Travel safe, John,” she said. 

John nodded. “Thank you, Claire. I’m sorry that my visits always tend to bring such excitement.”

Claire chuckled. “That only makes it more fun. You’re welcome anytime.”

John put on his hat, tipped it, and boarded the train.

“Bye bye, Mr. John!” Lotte called, waving. 

“Brianna didn’t want to say goodbye?” Claire asked.

Jamie shook his head. “No. I left her having a conversation wi’ Roger. Hopefully they’ll sort things out between them.”

“I can’t believe how hopeful you sound about it,” Claire teased.

Jamie tried to give her a disgruntled look, but didn’t have the heart for it. “I just want Bree tae be happy, and Roger  _ is  _ a good man.”

Claire rose up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. “You’re a good father, Jamie.”

Jamie didn’t bother trying to hide how her words made him feel, but before he could return the statement, they were both distracted by a sudden outcry, nearly drowned out by the departing train.

“Dr. B!” Tom called from near the clinic.

“Sounds like duty calls,” Claire said, setting Lotte on her feet. “Stay with Da, sweetheart.”

Jamie took Lotte’s hand and followed Claire to where Tom and another man were ushering a woman into the clinic.

“You have to help her!” the man was crying.

“Alright, alright,” Claire leapt to work, taking over the clearly pregnant and distressed woman as she shifted fully into her role of doctor, something that never ceased to impress Jamie. “It’s going to be alright,” she turned back to him. “Take Lotte home, Jamie, I may be late.”

With that, the door closed, leaving him outside with the upset father-to-be. 

“Don’t worry,” Tom said, patting the man’s shoulder. “Dr. B. is a good doctor, she’ll take care of your wife.”

Jamie eyed the man. He appeared considerably older than his wife, judging by the brief moment Jamie had been able to see her. He was also white, where his wife had been of darker complexion. He’d never seen the pair in town before, and wondered if they’d come that morning on the train.

“Aye,” he agreed with Tom, giving the man a kind smile. “My wife will do her verra best by her.”

The man nodded, then took a seat on the bench beside the door. Jamie didn’t understand how this man could just sit outside while his wife was in distress, but kept that particular thought to himself. Were it Claire, God forbid, nothing could have stopped Jamie from remaining at her side.

Before Jamie could stop her, Lotte approached the man and patted his knee. “Dinna fash,” she said. “My Mama will make her all better. See how she fixed my burn?”

The man nodded absently at Lotte’s bandaged arm, and Jamie took her by the hand. “Come, lass, let’s leave th’ gentleman be.”

“Was that lady havin’ a baby?” Lotte asked as they walked home.

“Aye,” Jamie said. 

“Then why was she crying?”

Jamie lifted Lotte, putting her on his shoulders. “It’s a painful thing, birthing a wee’un,” he said, trying to put it as delicately as possible.

“It  _ is? _ ” she was quiet a moment, thinking. “Did Mama hurt when I was borned?”

“She did,” Jamie said. “I was there, ye ken, helping bring ye intae th’ world. Mama told ye, didn’a she, how th’ baby comes out?”

“Uh huh,” Lotte said. “Baby comes out of the mama’s belly from ‘tween her legs. Just like th’ baby calf.”

“That’s right, verra good, lass. It hurt Mama, but she said she didn’a mind it a bit, because it was worth it tae have you.”

“I don’t think I ever wanna have a baby,” Lotte said. “I don’t wanna hurt.”

Jamie chuckled. “And I dinna want ye ever tae hurt,  _ a leannan _ . So if ye want tae just stay my bairn, and never grow up, that’ll be just fine wi’ me.”

“I wanna grow  _ up,  _ Da!’ she giggled. “I just don’t wanna have  _ babies _ .”

“Fine,” he sighed. “Be that way,” he flexed his shoulders, jostling her about but keeping a firm grip on her legs. Lotte howled with laughter, and gripped his hair tight as he started to run, making horse noises as he did. 

“You’re silly, Da!” she shrieked.

Jamie slowed as they neared the house. “But d’ye love me anyway,  _ mo ghaol bheag?” _

“Aye Da. I love ye anyway.”

Jamie sat beside the fire in the sitting room, waiting for Claire. 

He’d heard from Brianna when she returned home that the woman giving birth was having difficulties, and so Bree had prepared supper while Jamie bathed Lotte and readied her for bed.

Once all of the children were asleep, Jamie had settled himself down with a book, with Adso curled up on the back of the chair. Rollo had been beside him for a time, but then the old wolf had moseyed upstairs to his rest beside his wee mistress, as he had ever since Lotte had been old enough to sleep in her own room.

Jamie knew that it was entirely possible and probable that Claire would not return at all that night. Birth was often a lengthy process, sometimes taking days, especially if it was a difficult one. But he knew that she would at the very least send a message to him that he shouldn’t expect her return, and he would not rest well without her anyway, so wait he did.

It was gone one in the morning before he heard a horse coming up the path. He got up, startling an annoyed ‘ _ mrow’ _ from Adso, and went to the door.

He was expecting a messenger; Rupert or Angus, or perhaps young Aiden, and so he was surprised, but happily so, to see Claire after all.

Smiling, he followed her to the barn so that he could unsaddle and groom Flash for her, knowing she was probably tired out. When he got there though, she was just standing next to the horse, her forehead resting on his neck.

Jamie could tell at once that all was not well. Tired, yes, but Claire was also pale and tense. 

She looked up as he approached, and he wordlessly held his arms open for her, which she gratefully stepped into, burrowing herself into his chest.

“What is it,  _ mo nighean donn _ ?”

“Just hold me,” she whispered, and so he did.

They stood that way for some time, but Jamie could feel Claire begin to shiver, so he led her toward the house.

He led her straight upstairs toward their room, but Claire paused outside of Lotte’s room, quietly pushing open the door and peeking inside. 

Lotte’s face was angelic in sleep, her wee rosebud mouth twitching into a dreamy smile. Claire wrapped her arms around her middle, as if preventing herself from going to her sleeping daughter, so Jamie let his own arms join her’s, and they stood and watched their little one sleep peacefully, surrounded by her protector, Rollo.

Finally Claire sighed and stepped away from the door, shutting it to a crack as they normally did.

Jamie quickly went into Fergus’s room, tapped him awake, and explained briefly that his mother was tired and could he please go feed and stable Flash. Jamie would have done it himself, but he was loath to leave Claire like this, even for a moment. Fergus groggily muttered protestations, but did as he was asked at once.

When Jamie returned to Claire, she was sitting on their bed, staring at nothing.

Jamie went to her, kneeling at her feet, began unlacing her boots.

“D’ye want tae talk about it?” he asked her.

“The baby didn’t make it,” she said flatly, her voice tired and monotone.

Jamie’s heart clenched. He’d been afraid that might have been the case, and it certainly explained Claire’s condition, as well as her desire to see Lotte.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. 

Claire had lost patients, and she’d even lost children and babies, but he knew that it never got easier for her, especially after giving birth to a child herself. But something about this seemed different. He could tell.

“Th’ mother?” he ventured.

“She’ll be alright,” Claire said. “Physically, at least. She and her husband just buried their five-year-old daughter last month. She had Scarlet Fever. They were moving out here to try and escape the memory.”

Jamie closed his eyes, sighing. “Christ,” he whispered. “God be with them.”

“She begged me,” Claire continued, her eyes welling with tears. “Begged me that if I couldn’t save the baby, that I would let her die too. She was bleeding heavily. There was nothing I could do for the child, but I couldn’t let Maria die.”

“Of  _ course  _ ye couldn’a!” Jamie said. “She was mad wi’ grief, Sassenach. She didn’a know what she was asking. I’m sure her husband is sae grateful that ye saved her, even if there was naught ye could do for their child.”

Claire shrugged. “Thing is, I might have felt the same way in her position. To lose our Lotte? And then to immediately be forced to bury a baby? How does anyone come back from that, Jamie?”

Jamie shook his head. “I honestly don’t know how Maria and her husband will come back from that. But  _ they  _ are not  _ us,  _ Claire. Our Lotte is safe in her bed, thank God, as are our other three children. If, God forbid, anything were tae ever happen to any of us, we would survive because we all have each other. Maria and her husband will have to depend on each other now, as best as they can. You have done all ye can for them, Sassenach. Ye’re home now, wi’ your children, and your husband who loves ye more than his next breath.”

Releasing a choked sob, Claire collapsed against him, and he stood up, bringing her with him. He lay her gently on the bed, then tenderly removed her clothes, and then his own, so that he could wrap himself around her, skin-to-skin.

He stroked her back and hair, letting her cry into his chest until she cried herself to sleep. Once her breathing evened out, he still stroked her, wanting to feel her, wanting to reassure himself that she was there.

He’d spoken words of encouragement and love, but inside he shuddered to imagine the hell Maria and the husband he did not know the name of was in. He itched to go to Lotte, to bring her to their bed, so that he could listen to the sounds of her breathing and heartbeat beside that of her mother. But that would mean disturbing Claire, and just then Claire’s wellbeing was paramount, and that meant sleep. Lotte was safe and sound in her bed. If she woke she would come to them. If she were in danger, Rollo would alert them.

“May th’ Lord protect her,” he whispered. “Protect all of them. My children, my wife. And be wi’ those that have lost it all.”

~~~

When I awoke in the morning, I certainly felt less like I was falling apart, as I did the night before. I glanced down at my sleeping husband, thinking of how tender and understanding he’d been as he’d given me exactly what’d I’d needed in the moment, and my heart ached with love for him. 

But just then I had an urge to see my daughter that I could no longer ignore, so I climbed out of bed carefully so not to disturb Jamie, put on my dressing gown, and crept into the hall. 

I’d lost patients before. I’d even lost children, and their mothers, in childbirth. But it had never affected me quite this strongly before. Perhaps it was because I saw a little of myself in the young woman. She’d told me, between contractions, that she’d come from a wealthy family in Mexico. They hadn’t approved when she’d met and married Richard Collins, an Irish immigrant some ten years her senior, and so she’d left her family to start a new life in Kansas, where they’d had their daughter, Maria Jose. When Maria Jose died, they could no longer stay in their house in Kansas, so they’d gone west to try and start over.

And now they’d lost another child, a nameless daughter.

Rollo lifted his head as I sat down beside Lotte, stroking the red curls off her face. 

I was still deeply exhausted, and Lotte’s bed was a bit too narrow to fit the two of us plus Rollo, so I carefully picked her up, smiling at the way she went limp as a dishrag, and carried her back to my room.

Jamie roused slightly when I crawled back into bed, laying Lotte between us. He smiled lovingly, gathering us both up into his arms and falling back asleep.

But as tired as I was, I couldn’t quite take my eyes off the way Lotte cuddled so sweetly to Jamie’s bare chest. 

For so long, after my uncle’s death, and the supposed death of my fiancé, I’d resisted ever really loving anyone, so afraid I was of feeling that sort of hurt again. 

And now that fear was so much sharper, because my love for Jamie and our children was so deep it sometimes scared me all on its own just by how powerful it was. 

Now that the others were growing into adults, they would be going out and starting their own families, bringing more people into the world for me to love, to lose. 

I kissed Lotte’s head, glad to have her to love. Even if I would just have to live with the fear

  
  



	7. Canoodle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Claire’s birthday approaches, she’s ever suspicious of all the goings on around her.

There was a small funeral for Mr. and Mrs. Collins’ baby. I’d entreated Mr. Collins to stay in town for at least a couple of weeks, to give Maria time to heal physically. He agreed, but I knew that they were anxious to be on their way, to leave this place behind them the way they did their home in Kansas.

I just couldn’t imagine burying my children and then leaving them behind, but I reminded myself that I’d never experienced loss such as they had, and so I was in no place to judge.

They were staying in a room in the clinic, so that they could have more quiet and privacy than if they were at the hotel, and also so that Maria could be close by in case she had complications. 

Maria was sitting out on the front porch one morning as I made my way to the clinic with Lotte tagging along, and when Lotte skipped over to Maria to say hello, I tried to stop her, unsure how Maria would feel about such a visit just then.

“Good morning!” Lotte chirped cheerfully. Jamie and I had explained to her, as best as we could, that the baby was gone, and that we should not ask Mrs. Collins about it, and I hoped dearly that she would remember.

“Good morning,” Maria said, smiling tiredly. “What is your name?”

“Charlotte Faith Nayawenne Fraser,” Lotte recited proudly. “But everyone jus’ calls me Lotte.”

Maria’s smile grew just a little more genuine. “You are a beautiful girl, Lotte. How old are you?”

Lotte held up four fingers. “But I’ll be  _ five  _ on my birthday. Mama says we’ll have a party and I can invite  _ all  _ my friends, like Roger, Uncle Joe, Uncle Murtagh, Uncle Ian, Auntie Jenny, Rollo...do you want to come too?”

Maria’s smile fell. “Oh,  _ ñina _ , thank you for the invitation, but I’m afraid my husband and I will be gone soon.”

“Oh,” Lotte said, frowning. “Sorry.”

“Come on, Lotte,” I said. “I have a patient coming soon, and your sister will be here to get you any minute. Let’s leave Mrs. Collins alone now.”

“I don’t mind,” Maria said, almost worriedly. “You could leave her with me, until your other daughter comes.”

I hesitated, but they were safe enough there on the porch, plus Brianna would be by soon, and perhaps it was soothing to Maria to be around a cheerful little girl, instead of painful like I was afraid of.

“Very well,” I said. “Lotte, you will stay  _ right here  _ on this porch until Bree comes, or until Mrs. Collins sends you inside with me, is that understood?”

“Yes, Mama,” Lotte said, climbing up on the bench beside Maria to show her Mac.

I glanced down at Rollo, telling him to stay with Lotte, then went inside to prepare my clinic for the day.

“Mama?”

“I’m in the closet, Bree. Could you come help me carry these linens?”

Brianna appeared in the doorway to my supply closet, her arms outstretched to accept the stack of white bedsheets. 

“Lotte’s still out front with Mrs. Collins, isn’t she?” I asked her.

“And Mr. Collins,” Brianna said, carrying the sheets into the exam room. “They seem to be really enjoying her company. It’s the first time I’ve seen either of them smile.”

“Well good,” I said. “I was nervous at first, afraid having her around would be too much of a reminder. But, people grieve and heal differently, and if Lotte is able to help them just by being her usual sunny self, then that can only be a good thing.”

Brianna smiled. “And how are you doing?”

I smiled back. “Better now, especially now that the Collins seem to be doing alright. Are you going to take Lotte to the cafe now?”

“Mmhm. Roger is meeting us there for lunch.”

“He is, is he?” I asked, grinning. “You know, you still haven’t told me how that talk went at the still.”

“Nothing to tell,” Brianna said primly, shooting me a look. 

“You know that your father is going to expect a  _ proper  _ request for permission to court you.”

Brianna sighed, rolling her eyes. “Da didn’t ask anyone for permission to court  _ you _ .”

“Not true,” I shot back. “He asked you kids! How quickly you forget.”

“ _ Regardless _ ,” she continued. “Lotte and I are meeting Roger,  _ and  _ Fergus  _ and  _ William  _ and  _ Auntie Jenny for lunch, so quit getting excited.”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “So be it. But wait a second, why are you all getting together for lunch, anyway?”

“I can’t have lunch with my friend, siblings, and Aunt?”

This time it was  _ me  _ rolling my eyes. “Of course you can, it just isn’t something you normally do.”

She shrugged. “I’ve been gone a long time, we’re catching up. Nothing unusual.”

She was right, that was nothing unusual, but Brianna was acting  _ very  _ evasive, and it was firing up all of my suspicions. “Hmm...well, have a nice lunch, darling, and I’ll see you for supper.”

“Bye!” she called, heading out the door and calling Lotte’s name as she went.

I went about my day, but my second appointment sent her son to cancel, stating she hadn’t “time” that day for a tooth extraction, and figuring I could convince her to quit putting it off later, I decided to grab a quick bite from Gale’s cafe, and perhaps say hello to my children. I wasn’t  _ spying  _ on them, of course. Merely seeing what they were up to.

When I got there, I was surprised to see a considerable crowd surrounding my children’s table. And sure, this could be explained away as everyone wanting to hear of Brianna’s time in Boston, but my eyes narrowed regardless, and I sauntered gradually closer, becoming infinitely  _ more  _ suspicious to see my own husband among the throng.

“Ma!” Fergus exclaimed upon catching sight of me, and everyone else looked up together.

“Oh, hello, everyone,” I said casually. “Lovely day, isn’t it?”

“I thought you had patients all day,” Brianna said.

I shrugged. “Mrs. Paquette canceled, so I just thought perhaps I could join you. Jamie, I thought you would be at the still until dark!”

“Erm, aye, Sassenach,” Jamie hedged. “I came tae see  _ you _ , actually. I’ve pulled my shoulder again, ye see.”

“Then why didn’t you come to the clinic?”

Jamie skirted around the table and headed for me. “I was on my way, and saw everyone gathered around, listening tae Brianna, and I got distracted. Would it be a bother tae take a wee keek now?”

I stuck my chin out at him but acquiesced. He really  _ had  _ been complaining of soreness in his shoulder lately...the same one that had been dislocated and subsequently shot many years ago.

I led Jamie back to the clinic, and once we were inside I gestured for him to take off his shirt. “Alright, let me see your supposedly sore shoulder,” I said coolly.

Jamie smirked at me as he disrobed. “I would never  _ lie  _ tae ye, Sassenach. I truly did come down so ye could look at it.”

Once I sat him down on my examination table and saw the swelling of his shoulder, I felt immediately guilty for doubting his honesty. “Oh, I’m sorry, my love. I suppose I just can’t help but be suspicious this time of year.”

Jamie chuckled. “I dinna ken why ye fight it so, ye know it’s only cause everyone  _ loves  _ ye so much.”

I laughed as well and shook my head. “Oh, I know. But it wouldn’t be any fun if I didn’t at least  _ try  _ to snoop. They aren’t going to make a very big deal of it, though, are they?”

“Your fortieth birthday only comes around once,  _ mo nighean donn _ .”

“Ugh! Don’t remind me!” I groaned. “I hardly think turning  _ forty  _ is cause for celebration!”

“But why?” he asked, grabbing me by the hips and drawing me closer. “ _ Every  _ year ye turn another year older is cause tae celebrate.  _ You  _ are cause tae celebrate.”

“Because I’m  _ old _ ,” I droned. “You’re still going to be in your thirties for a few more years. You don’t know what it’s like.”

“I’d hardly call ye  _ old,  _ Sassenach.”

“No? Look at this!” I leaned my head down, pointing to the top of it. “Gray hairs!”

“Aye, I’ve noticed,” he said calmly, lightly touching my hair. “I like them, they’re bonny.”

“And I have  _ wrinkles _ .”

This time he laughed. “Christ, lass. More than once have I overheard women in town complain about ye as walk by, about your smooth skin and perky breasts. ‘Tis th’ mention of  _ perky breasts  _ that always catches my attention,” his eyes narrowed in on the objects in question, and he raised one hand to lightly ‘test’ their perkiness. “And oh, aye, I’ve noticed  _ that  _ as well.”

I snorted, trying to resist showing him that he was making me feel better, if only to goad him into continuing.

Jamie’s expression grew softer as he met my eyes. “Every line on your face, every gray hair, every place where ye’ve grown just a  _ wee  _ bit softer is nothing but proof tae me of a woman whose bourn a child, who worries and loves and laughs, who I have kept safe and warm and fed these nearly seven years of marriage. Ten years ago, I kissed ye for th’ first time just outside. Do you remember?”

“How could I forget?” I said softly, leaning into him. “It was one of the most wonderful nights of my life. I had never dreamed that such a quick and simple kiss could make me feel the way that it did.”

Jamie leaned up as he pulled me down, kissing me as gently as he did the night of my thirtieth birthday.

“It was one of the best nights of my life as well,” he said as he pulled away. “And it was  _ all  _ I could do tae  _ only  _ kiss ye, and not pull ye into this very clinic and beg ye tae have me.”

“You wouldn’t have had to beg very hard,” I said. “Especially not after I’d had a few drinks.”

He hummed, kissing me again. “I’m glad I didn’a though, because it led tae a few of my  _ other  _ favorite nights. Like th’ one in that cave…”

I giggled. “Ah yes. Or the night you proposed.”

“When your head hurt, and I took ye tae soak in th’ hot springs.”

“Hm, yes, we should do that again sometime.”

“Th’ night ye became my wife.”

I kissed him again, harder, but then I started to laugh. “What about that one Halloween, where we both got  _ very  _ drunk and ran into the pasture?”

Jamie groaned, leaning his head back. “I still canna believe you convinced me tae dress up as a  _ wolf  _ for Halloween.”

“But Lotte was adorable as Little Red Riding Hood, and I thought I made a very pretty sheep.”

Jamie grinned...very  _ wolfishly _ . “Ah, yes. Th’ poor wee lamb who was  _ eaten  _ by th’ Big Bad Wolf.”

A shiver went up my spine at the memory, foggy though it was, and I leaned my chest against Jamie’s bare one, forgetting for a moment entirely that we were standing in my medical clinic and I was  _ supposed  _ to be examining him.

“Oh! I’m...I’m so sorry…”

I flew away from Jamie guiltily, face flaming at the sight of Mrs. Collins coming downstairs. “N...no, I’m the one who’s sorry,” I said, pulling the privacy screen around Jamie and awkwardly smoothing out my apron. “That was inexcusable, Mrs. Collins. Please, accept my apologies.”

Maria smiled, a bit forlornly. “You needn’t apologize, Dr. Fraser. I’ll leave you with your husband, now.”

“I was just...examining him,” I trailed off lamely as Mrs. Collins stepped quickly out. I peered back around the privacy screen, glaring at my husband who was laughing like mad.

“It isn’t funny!” I whined. “It’s hardly professional to be caught... _ canoodling  _ in my own clinic.”

Jamie tossed back his head, laughing all the more. “ _ Canoodling _ ?”

I scowled at him, not liking being laughed at. Jamie noticed, and he sobered.

“Come ‘ere, Sassenach, let me  _ canoodle  _ ye some more.”

“No,” I said primly. “I’m  _ supposed  _ to be checking your shoulder, now hold still, and quit trying to distract me.”

“Later, then?”

“Yes, later.”


	8. Madonna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Raymond reveals that he’s leaving Colorado Springs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a great and healthy holiday!!
> 
> This is a very short chapter, but there was just not a great way of splitting it with the next chapter...which is a good one! ;D

“Claire! What a delight.”

I gave Philip Wylie my most polite smile, the best I could normally manage. 

The sly entrepreneur had always given me an uneasy feeling, no matter that he’d never been anything but courteous to me, except for his odd insistence on calling me by first name as opposed to the more appropriate Dr. Fraser, or even the enduring nickname bestowed upon me long before marriage; Dr. B.

“Good morning, Mr. Wylie,” I said smoothly as I made my way past him.

I didn’t enjoy my interactions with Mr. Wylie, but he owned the only hotel in town, which was also home to the town’s second medical clinic, run by my very good friend.

“Ah,  _ Madonna _ ,” Dr. Raymond said as I entered his small examination room. “I would say this is a delight, but I would not want to be echoing the words of your least favorite person.”

I chuckled, making sure to shut the door behind me. “Mr. Wylie isn’t my  _ favorite  _ person, but I’m not so sure I’d call him my  _ least  _ favorite, either. I don’t think I consider him enough at all to earn that moniker.”

Dr. Raymond arched a brow. “I shudder to think of who could stoke  _ true  _ ire in you.”

I huffed, able to think of a couple offhand, but they were mostly not of this earth any longer, and didn’t warrant thinking about.

“You could kill a man with a glance,  _ Madonna _ ,” Dr. Raymond continued. “Either stop his heart with a  _ come-hither  _ smile, or eviscerate him with glare.”

“Remind me to keep my eyes to myself,” I shot back, well used to his teasing. 

He winked. “Except for where that strapping husband of yours is concerned.”

“Oh, he’s  _ very  _ well aware of both my smiles and my glares.”

Dr. Raymond chuckled, and started working on measuring quinine powder. “So what brings you all the way out here?” he asked. “You are well?”

“Just fine,” I replied, sidling up beside him to help. “I was nearby checking on Mrs. Paquette and wanted to stop by and see if you’d received any of that new medication, antipyrine.”

“Ah, yes,” he walked over to his medicine closet, casually nudging over a stool in the process. Dr. Raymond was barely 5 foot 2, and nothing in the clinic had been built for a man of his size, not that he’d ever let it slow him down.

After a moment of poking about, he located the bottle of the newly developed pain and fever reducer and handed it to me.

“Have you tried it?” I asked, holding the tinted glass bottle up to the light to look at the small pills. 

“Not yet,” he said. “It was the only bottle I could get ahold of, so I did not want to use any needlessly. Take the bottle  _ Madonna _ .”

I looked up at him quickly. The medication wasn’t easily come by just yet, only being sent to particular doctors to become acquainted with. It was hardly surprising that I hadn’t been among the doctors to be sent any, as medicine was still not a celebrated career path for a woman. 

“You can’t give it  _ all  _ to me,” I said.

“You may need it more than I,” he said. “I wanted to wait to tell you, but I’m leaving, my dear.”

“Leaving?!” I exclaimed, nearly dropping the precious bottle. “Where? Why?”

“My nephew is ill,” he said. “I must go, see what can be done for him.”

“But you’ll be back,” I said. “Once your nephew is well?”

Raymond grimaced and shook his head. “I doubt he will ever be well,  _ Madonna _ . Cancer, you see. But regardless, I would like to spend time with my sister and my other nieces and nephews in France.”

“Well...of course,” I managed. It was certainly understandable...but unexpected. “When do you leave?”

“I hoped to leave after Saturday,” he said. “But Denny said if I wait, I may not get another connecting train from Denver to Virginia for another fortnight. My sister sent a letter imploring me to come at once, and I fear waiting too long, so I am leaving Thursday. I have already placed my notice with Mr. Wylie and I’ll be sending word to my patients tomorrow. I’m sorry,  _ Madonna _ . I do not mean to make more work for you, but Mr. Wylie said he would get right to work finding a replacement.”

“Yes, of course, and don’t worry. Dr. Raymond, I’ll manage just fine. I hope that you’ll be able to help your nephew.”

Raymond took me by the shoulders and pulled me down to kiss both my cheeks. “I wish you well, my dear, and I will truly miss you. Perhaps we will see each other again.”

“I hope so,” I replied, holding back tears. In the nearly five years since Dr. Raymond had run the hotel clinic, he’d become invaluable to me, both as a fellow doctor and as a friend. With him there to take on patients in our ever growing town, I was afforded more time to spend with my family, plus it was a comfort knowing that someone I trusted wholly was there in the case of an epidemic, or if I fell ill or injured myself. Plus he was the only person I could talk to about medical matters.

I doubted I would get as lucky twice if Wylie was in charge of finding a replacement. Oh, I was sure that he would hire a decent doctor, but it would be more likely that he would be someone who looked down on a female doctor. Or worse, someone who still held to ideas of bloodletting and resisted the concept of germs.

I was back to where I was before, as Colorado Springs’ only doctor, only now with over double the population of when I started a decade ago. 

At one time, I’d have absolutely relished the challenge, but even though I still truly loved being a doctor, my priorities had shifted over the years, and having the time  _ and  _ energy to take care of my children and be an attentive wife were just as important to me as medicine. 

I had a feeling things were about to get very challenging for me.

The town was tip-toeing around me, whispering behind hands, having conversations that trailed off whenever I came near.

I knew damn well the reason, but the knowledge that I was being talked about behind my back was a  _ very  _ uncomfortable one for me, though I did my utmost best to grin and bear it...and most of all, act clueless. 

“I know a secret,” Lotte sang with a wicked little grin as she skipped alongside me to the mercantile. 

“Oh?” I played along. “What is it?”

“I can’t  _ tell  _ you,” she said patiently. “That’s why it’s a  _ secret _ .”

I hesitated, torn between wanting the children to have their surprise and wanting to truly play my part. “But I’m your mama, surely you can tell  _ me _ .”

Lotte hesitated herself, pondering that, then shook her head. “Nope! Sorry, Mama, can’t tell you.”

“Oh, come now, I can keep a secret!”

“But  _ she  _ can’t,” Fergus said, appearing out of nowhere and scooping Lotte into his arms as she squealed in laughter. “I  _ knew  _ you couldn’t keep a secret!” he exclaimed without any real edge to his voice.

“But I didn’t tell!” she protested. 

“Well then I think I’d better just remove you from temptation,” Fergus said, turning Lotte so that he held under one arm like a sack of flour. “See you at home, Ma.”

“Don’t let her get dirty before supper, Fergus!” I called after them, knowing I was wasting my breath.

“You really don’t like surprises, do you, Dr. B.?” Murtagh asked me from where he stood, sweeping the porch to his store.

“I appreciate the sentiment behind them,” I said diplomatically. “But I can’t help it if I just like  _ knowing  _ what’s ahead whenever I can.”

Murtagh shrugged. “That’s just it, we  _ never  _ know what’s ahead.”

“Won’t stop me from trying to be prepared! And now I haven’t the slightest clue what’s in store. You heard about Dr. Raymond, I assume?”

He nodded. “Can’t say I’m too broken up about it. Always thought he was a bit of a strange one.”

I chuckled. “You think I’m strange, but you like  _ me _ !”

He gave me a flat look, but there was warmth in his eyes. Murtagh had a soft spot for me, though he tried valiantly to hide it.

“You’re strange,” he agreed. “But I figure we’re stuck with you either way.”

“Very true,” I said, grinning at him as I made my way into the store, where Jenny and Gale broke quickly apart from where they were whispering beside the baking goods. I rolled my eyes, pretended not to notice, and went on to gather what was needed for supper.

  
  
  



	9. Happy Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire’s 40th birthday has arrived, but her surprise may not be what she expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m just relaxing at my dads until I drive home tomorrow so I thought, why not update again since this chapter is ready to go?? 😁

I was having the most pleasant dream; it was Jamie and my wedding night on the train car that Fergus had transformed into a honeymoon suite for us. Only instead of the nerves that had plagued me that day, I was nothing but happy and hungry for my husband’s touch.

My world upon awakening was even better than the dream world, amazing as that seemed.

Jamie’s lips were traveling slowly up my spine (when, and how had he removed my nightgown?) to leave feather-light kisses on my shoulder blades, then the side of my neck, the underside of my jaw.

His hand was making lazy, soothing circles on my belly, then slid higher to cup one of my breasts, his thumb running over a nipple that was already at attention. 

I moaned quietly, stretching my body so that I could feel him where he pressed against me from behind.

“Happy birthday, Sassenach,” he murmured in my ear before nipping the lobe.

“Very happy,” I whispered, sucking in my breath when the hand that hadn’t been distracting me by massaging my breast managed to sneak under me and stroke teasingly through my folds.

Jamie hummed in surprise. “Ye’re already wet for me,  _ mo nighean donn _ . I saw ye smiling in your sleep...just what were ye dreaming of, then?”

I felt myself clench at the throaty, sleepy cadence of his voice. “I was dreaming of having my virtue taken...” I said, having to pause to gasp again. “...by a tall, rugged Cheyenne.”

Jamie chuckled, and I could feel the vibration of it everywhere he touched me. “Oh aye? I suppose he stole ye away to his tepee and had his way wi’ ye?”

I craned my neck turn and look at him. “More like I followed him into a train car, quite willingly, and  _ then  _ he had his way with me.”

Jamie’s eyes softened, understanding at once just  _ what  _ my dream had been about after all. “Are ye sure that’s how it went? Because I think ye might have had him completely at your mercy.”

After giving my neck one more suckling kiss, Jamie rolled me over onto my back, then leisurely kissed his way down my chest, paying special attention to each breast.

“How does it feel tae be forty?” he asked, after releasing my nipple with a wet  _ pop _ .

“I’m not sure,” I sighed, raking my fingernails through his hair as he began making his way lower. “Do I look any different? Like an old woman?”

“Hmm, no’ from where I’m standing,” he murmured against my inner thigh. “Ev’rything appears tae be in order. But perhaps I ought tae take a closer look, just tae be sure.”

I hissed through my teeth, putting my wrist to my mouth to keep back any louder noise as Jamie’s tongue found every place that made me want to cry out.

Every time I was nearly at the crest, he would move away from my core to lick and nip and rub his stubble along the joint of my thigh, only to charge into another attack once I’d had time to calm down. He did this over and over until my heels dug into his lower back and my fingers pulled at his hair.

“ _ Jamie… _ ”

He looked up at me with a drowsily smug look. “How does th’ birthday girl want it?” he asked. “Like this? Or…”

“Get up here,” I growled, yanking again at his hair. “And get inside me.”

He obeyed at once, sealing his mouth over mine, plunging his tongue past my lips and the same moment he plunged his cock into my body.

Done with teasing, he hiked up my left leg to wrap around his back and held it there, angling his body in just the way he knew would send me careening over the edge. 

Careen I did, sinking my teeth into his shoulder as I shook and trembled around him, feeling wave after wave of pleasure wash over me.

Jamie held still, still hot and hard within me, giving me a moment to catch my breath though the muscles in his arms twitched from the effort of not moving.

I swung my other leg up to hook around his waist and snapped my hips up in the way I knew  _ he  _ liked. 

He wasted no time then, and in moments I felt him spill himself deep within me, and the sensation was enough to coax one more gentle orgasm from me, and I sighed into his neck, my inner muscles clenching around him as he relaxed his full weight against me and gradually softened.

“Thank you for my present,” I murmured happily after we’d both had a brief, pleasure-drunk doze. 

“Th’ first of many, my Sassenach,” he said. “Which reminds me…” he kissed my forehead and sat up, reaching to the foot of the bed where my nightgown had magically ended up.

“No, lay back down,” I whined, reaching for him. “It’s my birthday, and I want to stay in bed a little longer.”

“As do I,” he said. “But our wee’uns will be havin’ other ideas.”

I sighed, resting one arm above my head and smirking when Jamie’s attention was drawn to my breasts. “Just  _ what  _ do they have planned, anyway?”

Jamie smiled, then leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose. “I ken ye dinna like surprises,  _ mo cridhe _ , but let th’ children and th’ town have their fun. Ye trust I wouldn’a let anyone do anything ye wouldn’a like, dinna ye?

“Of course,” I allowed, then sighed when he gave into temptation and began suckling my breast. 

There was a thump from somewhere outside, followed by a high pitched giggle, and Jamie sat back up, shooting me an apologetic look before handing me my nightgown and then jumping up to grab the cotton trousers he wore to bed on nights that we were visited by our youngest.

He’d just gotten back into bed when there was a quick knock on the door. 

“Oh good, she’s finally learning to knock before entering,” I said.

Jamie chuckled. “I might have told Fergus tae remind her of it this morning.”

“MAMAAA! DAAA!’

“Come in, Lotte Love,” I called.

The door crashed open and Lotte bounded into our room as excitedly as if it were Christmas morning.

“Happy birthday, Mama!” she exclaimed, holding up a small, crudely wrapped present.

“Why  _ thank you _ !” I gushed, sitting up and taking the gift before pulling her up into my lap. “Is this for  _ me _ ?”

“Uh huh!” she said, nodding rapidly. “Fergus said I should wait till later but I  _ couldn’a _ !”

“Well, I can’t wait either!” I agreed, enthusiastically peeling off the old Christmas wrapping paper.

Beneath the wrapping was a small wooden carving. Devoid of any exact details, I could easily see that it was a woman holding a small child, with her hand over the child’s heart. The figurine was painted in a veritable rainbow of colors, most notable of which was the woman’s purple hair.

“Da helped me carve it,” Lotte explained. “But I painted it  _ all  _ by myself!”

“It’s  _ beautiful _ ,” I breathed, holding the figure to my chest. “Oh, Lotte, darling, I just  _ love  _ it! Thank you! It looks just like you and me!”

“Uh huh, and see…” Lotte pulled the figure away from me so she could point at where a wobbly white line wrapped around the woman’s neck, of what I’d assumed to be a necklace. “It’s your stefascope!” 

“My stethoscope! What a clever detail!”

“‘Twas all her idea,” Jamie said proudly.

I gathered Lotte to me, cuddling her close. “Thank you so much, Lotte Love. I think it’s one of my favorite presents I’ve ever gotten.”

“You’re welcome!” she chirped, squirming to get down. Once her feet hit the floor, she was taking off toward the door. “Come downstairs soon! Bree’s makin’ a  _ big  _ breakfast!”

Once Lotte was gone, I turned to Jamie for a kiss. “It really is just darling. Thank you for helping her make it.”

“It’s as I said, all her idea,” Jamie said, kissing me back. “I only did as I was instructed. Ye’ll have tae wait until later on before I give ye  _ my  _ present.”

I chuckled. “I thought you’d already  _ given  _ me your present.”

Jamie hummed happily, then kissed me again. “Making love tae ye is like breathing, Sassenach. I need it tae survive. Ye’ll have your  _ gift  _ later.”

He leaned in to kiss me again, which I gladly obliged, but then I pulled back, my smile growing. “I smell pancakes.”

Jamie laughed. “Best get ye downstairs then, canna have th’ birthday girl go hungry!’

After a delicious breakfast of pancakes, bacon, eggs, and potatoes, the family loaded up into the wagon to ride into town.

“Happy birthday, Dr. B.!” folk called out as we rode by.

“I still don’t see why you have to work on your birthday,” Fergus said.

I chuckled. “People don’t stop getting injured or ill just because it’s my birthday,” I said. “If it makes you feel any better, I was careful not to schedule any regular appointments for today. I’ll just be giving Mrs. Collins a checkup, and have the clinic open until this afternoon. I’m afraid I’m going to have to start working considerably more hours now that Dr. Raymond has left, at least until Mr. Wylie finds a permanent replacement.”

Jamie make a low sound in his throat, one I knew was meant to voice his displeasure. 

“Now, don’t you go blaming Dr. Raymond,” I said. “He never even meant to hang his shingle here in the beginning. I just got used to having his help all of the time, is all.”

“Is Mr. Wylie going to let you help choose the new doctor?” Brianna asked.

I snorted. “Not likely. And since he’ll be hiring for his private establishment, he won’t even need to get the approval from the town council. I get the feeling that Mr. Wylie will be on the lookout for someone a little more malleable than Dr. Raymond, someone willing to sell those silly, worthless potions and snake oils he keeps in stock.”

“Well, why doesn’t the town council just hire another town doctor?” Fergus asked. “The town is growing every day. You can’t be expected to take care of everyone with nothing but the help of a snake oil salesman.”

“He has a point,” Jamie said. “At th’ very least, ye should talk tae Tom. Maybe he knows of some way ye can  _ make  _ Wylie hire a reputable doctor.”

I wrinkled my nose. “I’m afraid if I start giving Tom too much rein with hiring new doctors, he’ll find a way of pushing me  _ out. _ ”

“Still?” Brianna asked. “After all this time, Tom  _ still  _ doesn’t have respect for you as a doctor?”

“It comes and goes.”

“Th’ children are right though,” Jamie continued. “I dinna want ye going back tae th’ hours ye used tae work before Lotte was born. That th’ lass would miss ye too much is only th’ start of it.”

“Hopefully it’ll only be temporary,” I said. “But the extra money won’t be unwelcome.”

Jamie didn’t answer, and I knew it was because he wanted to avoid an argument.

That I made more money than Jamie was a well-known fact that led to endless ribbing from the other men in town. Which wasn’t to say that Jamie didn’t provide...far from it. He ran and maintained our small farm as well as hunted, which provided food and pelts for not only our family but much of the community, often at no cost to them at all. His whisky still was as of yet more of a hobby, but it had the potential to be a good business down the road. 

Jamie had  _ never  _ shown any resentment toward that fact that monetarily speaking, I brought more to the table, but at the same time, he wanted me to work because I  _ wanted  _ to work,  _ not  _ because we needed the money.

“There she is,” Joe said as we pulled up near the livery. He held out a hand to help me down. “You’ve finally joined me this side of forty. How does it feel, Lady Jane?”

I brushed some imaginary lint off my sleeve. “I can’t say...why don’t you ask me again when I’m nearing  _ fifty,  _ like someone  _ else  _ we know.”

“Forty-six is not  _ nearing fifty _ ,” Joe exclaimed.

“Closer than I am,” I sang.

Joe chuckled. “Yeah, yeah. Hey I’ll see you…” there was a sharp hiss from Brianna, and Joe cut his eyes over to her guiltily. “...I’ll see you uh, later. Happy Birthday, Lady Jane!”

I exchanged an amused look with Jamie, then leaned down to kiss Lotte goodbye.

“But I wanna go with  _ you _ , Mama,” Lotte said.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. “What? Surely you’d rather go with Da. He’s going to go see Uncle Ian!”

Lotte shook her head emphatically. “No! I wanna go with you!”

It was a rare thing indeed that Lotte chose going to clinic with me over spending time with Da or her siblings, and I was loath to say no.

“Are you sure? You’ll have to go into the playroom while I’m examining Mrs. Collins.”

“I’ll help you set up!” she said, already marching in that direction. “I know how.”

“I suppose she’s going with me,” I said, kissing Jamie. 

“Weel, it  _ is  _ your birthday, after all,” Jamie said.

“I’ll come get her later, Ma,” Brianna said. “I just have a few errands to run!”

I hummed in playful suspicion, then hurried to follow my four-year-old to the clinic. 

“What do we do first?” I asked her upon entering. 

“Wash!” she exclaimed, darting for the basin and  _ insisting  _ she pour the water herself, though she struggled greatly and got half of it on the floor.

I watched in pride as she carefully scrubbed her hands, even remembering the backs and underneath her nails. She then trailed happily behind me as I started setting out and cleaning my instruments. 

“I’m gonna be a doctor just like you when I’m grown up,” she said, standing up on a stool and watching me carefully.

“Is that so? Well, I think you’d make a  _ fine  _ doctor. Would you like to hand me that scalpel? Be  _ very  _ careful...do you know which one?”

“I know!” she said, delicately picking up the scalpel with her tongue stuck out in concentration, then slowly turned it to give to me, handle first. “Scalpel!”

I laughed, not having realized she’d been paying  _ that  _ close of attention all these years. “You really do know! Here, do you know what?”

I turned and went to the storage closet, rooting around in the back. “I think...oh! Here it is!” I unearthed a small apron, and held it out to show her. “This was Brianna’s when she was younger and used to help me. It’ll still be a bit big, but would you like to wear it?”

Lotte’s eyes widened and she nodded, bouncing happily as I tied it around her. It went all the way to her ankles, but at least she wouldn’t be tripping over it.

“There! Now you look like a proper doctor-in-training.”

“Yay! Can I have my own scalpel?”

I laughed. “I don’t think you’re  _ quite  _ ready for that, but perhaps if you’re good, you’ll get a bone saw for Christmas.”

Lotte tilted her head at me in confusion, and then the front door opened, admitting Mr. and Mrs. Collins.

“Sorry, I’m a little early,” Maria said, smiling at Lotte.

“Oh, that’s no problem at all,” I said. “Lotte, darling, I need you to go to your playroom now, alright? I’ll come and get you when I’m finished with Mrs. Collins.”

“But I wanna help!” she protested.

“She could sit over here with me,” Mr. Collins said, indicating a waiting area strategically placed on the opposite side of the privacy screen. “I wouldn’t mind the company.”

I nodded at Lotte and she skipped happily over to take a seat, chattering on to Mr. Collins about how she was learning how to be a doctor. 

“She’s such a darling child,” Maria said as I guided her to lay down on the bed. 

“Thank you,” I replied. “She came along a little later than most children do, but my husband and I are thankful.”

My words to Maria were deliberate. She was only twenty-three, and still had plenty of good child bearing years left if she and her husband wanted to try again.

“You and your husband are very lucky,” she said wistfully, turning her head and smiling when she heard Lotte giggle. “To have four beautiful, healthy children.”

I helped her to situate her skirts at her waist, then positioned her legs apart. “Have you still been bleeding?” I asked gently.

“No, it’s stopped,” she said. 

“I know that I’m lucky,” I said carefully as I continued the examination. “But I only gave birth to Lotte. I adopted my older three when their mother died ten years ago.”

I was telling her this for a purpose, that even if she and her husband decided not to try for another child, that there were plenty of children out there in need of a home.

“Better to bury a parent than a child,” Maria said quietly, still looking at the privacy screen where her husband and Lotte sat on the other side of.

My throat tightened, knowing that there was nothing I could really say that would bring her any comfort. I simply had no idea how she felt, and I prayed to God I never would.

“Everything looks alright,” I said, pulling her skirts down. “Have you still been experiencing cramping? Anything at all?”

She shook her head no, but I knew her mind was elsewhere.

“Maria…” I began. “I know that it doesn’t even bear thinking about right now, but know that you’re still healthy. I see nothing to indicate any issue conceiving again.”

Maria shook her head. “Richard and I lost two babies before Maria Jose was born, and one when she was three. No, it is not meant to be.”

I sighed, not having known about her previous miscarriages. Of course it was entirely possible that there were issues I wasn’t able to see, and I could certainly imagine how disheartening it would be - to put it mildly - to want a child so badly and be faced with one tragedy after another.

“I’m so sorry, Maria.”

Maria sniffed and nodded, sitting up. “My husband and I will be traveling west next week. I want to thank you, Dr. Fraser, for everything you have done.”

She’d already stepped around the partition and was saying hello to Lotte, but I still responded quietly, “I wish I could have done more.”

I felt melancholy for the rest of the afternoon, but I did my best to put the Collins from my mind and let Lotte’s contagious joy cheer me, if for nothing else than for the sake of my family who were all so very excited over...whatever was happening that evening.

Brianna had never shown up to collect Lotte, but that was alright, because I quite enjoyed having her there, no matter at all that she was more hindrance than help. Just the chance to spend time just the two of us was a rare treat, and watching her enthusiastic exuberance for discovery would never cease to be a marvel to witness.

“It’s time to close up!” I called to her. “Are you going to help me tidy?”

Lotte came racing through the examination room, waving my reflex hammer over her shoulder like a tomahawk and making a sharp imitation of a Indian war cry.

“Alright you wee Brave,” I said, blocking her path. “You know better than to run in the clinic.”

“But I’m a Cheyenne!” she exclaimed, showing me the hammer.

I chuckled. “Fergus would be proud. But what happened to being a doctor?”

She gave me an arching look that gave suggestion that I was being very daft. “I can be a doctor  _ and  _ a Cheyenne, Mama.”

Grinning, I bent down to her level. “That’s called a medicine woman.  _ Ma’heaona’e _ ...my Cheyenne name.”

“ _ Ma’he... _ ona…she echoed with relatively close accuracy. What’s my Cheyenne name, Mama?”

“You already know that, my love.  _ Nayawenne _ . Named for a very brave, very kind Cheyenne medicine woman. But Cheyenne often earn new names as they grow. If you think you should have a new one, you can talk with Uncle Ian. Only a Cheyenne can give someone a Cheyenne name.”

Lotte nodded thoughtfully, and I enjoyed watching the gears in her head turn.

“Mama?” Fergus called, peering in through the open clinic door. “Have you finished for the day?”

“Fergus!” Lotte cried, running and leaping into his arms. “I’m a medicine woman!”

Fergus chuckled, hoisting her up to rest on his hip. “Good to know, in case I ever get sick. Mama? Are you done?”

I rolled my eyes fondly. “ _ Yes _ . We’re done for the day, I just have to finish tidying up.”

“Leave it!” he said, waving a dismissive hand. “Bree and I will come and clean up later. First, there’s a surprise waiting for you! There’s been a  _ slight  _ change in plans, but come on!”

Further cheered by my son’s excitement, I quickly followed him out. I was expecting to be led to some kind of party, but instead he paused just outside, where Jamie was sitting astride Gideon and holding Flash’s reins. Around Flash’s neck was a flower garland and a small paper sign that said  _ Happy Birthday _ .

“...You’re giving me my own horse?” I asked in confusion.

“ _ No _ ,” Fergus droned. “Just get on.”

“Where are we going?”

“Just you and I, Sassenach,” Jamie said, smirking down at me. “We haven’a had any time just th’ two of us in some time, have we?”

I grinned. “No, we certainly have not,” I eyed the horses, which were not packed for a long trip. “Where are we going?”

“No’ far,” he said. “And we’ll be back tomorrow afternoon.”

“ _ Tomorrow _ ?” I asked, surprised. “We’re going overnight?” I looked to Fergus and back again. “But...I thought…”

“Don’t be disappointed,” Fergus laughed. “This isn’t your  _ only  _ birthday surprise. It’s just...extended, that’s all.”

“I’m not  _ disappointed _ ,” I assured him. “I just...Jamie...we can’t! We’ve never left Charlotte overnight!”

Jamie gave me a patient smile. “She’s old enough,  _ mo nighean donn _ , and Bree, Fergus,  _ and  _ Willie will be wi’ her, plus Jenny promised tae check on them. Please come wi’ me?”

I looked at Lotte, who didn’t appear to think anything was amiss. She’d evidently been given a talk to about all of this. “Lotte Love? You’ll be alright without Mama overnight?”

Lotte nodded. “Uh huh. Bree said we’re gonna make cookies, and Fergus is gonna play tea party with me and Willie said that I can stay up as  _ late  _ as I want!”

I laughed. “Oh, I see. And let me guess, you all decided to surprise me with this so I didn’t have time to fret?”

“Ye see right through us,” Jamie said. “Now get on your horse, Sassenach.”

“But…”

Letting out a playful growl, Jamie turned Gideon around and leaned over, getting an arm around my waist and hauling me bodily up to sit crossways in front of him.

“Jamie!”

“Mama’s gettin’ stolen!” Lotte cheered.

“Stay wi’ Lotte, Rollo,” Jamie said down to his wolf. “Dinna mean tae leave you out, lad, but I mean tae have my wife  _ all  _ to myself tonight.”

There was laughter from the children and a few onlookers as Jamie rode away with me, Flash following along.

“Bye, Mama!” Lotte called.

“Bye, Lotte!” I called back. “Listen to your brothers and sister!”

As we started riding away, I gave Jamie a look, my cheeks red from all the looks we were being given, but he only smirked unapologetically.

Once we reached the edge of town, he let me down so I could mount Flash, and we continued on, to  _ wherever  _ it was he was absconding with me to.

“So  _ this  _ is my surprise?” I asked him. “I must say, it worked. With the way the town was all whispering all week, I’d expected something else...not that I’m complaining, mind you.”

Jamie threw back his head, laughing. “Dinna fash, Sassenach. Ye’ll be having another surprise tomorrow. There was a wee hitch in timing today, is all, and we had to improvise. But when th’ kids suggested this, believe me when I jumped at th’ chance tae steal away wi’ you all night.”

“We haven’t had a night just to ourselves since before Lotte was born,” I said in wonder. 

“Aye, and I adore my lass something fierce, but I’ll admit, this feels a bit like a birthday present for  _ me  _ too.”

I chuckled. “Then we should make the best of it, shouldn’t we?”

Jamie grinned. “As ye say, Sassenach.”

  
  
  
  



	10. Birthday Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire and Jamie enjoy their impromptu getaway for Claire’s birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FULL DISCLOSURE: I went back and rewrote the previous chapter, adding the “timing mishap” JUST so I could add in this chapter of Claire and Jamie. So enjoy!! 😂

The air was cool and crisp, but not uncomfortably cold as we made our way up the mountain, though I knew by nightfall the temperature would drop, and fast. But that was alright, because I had a husband who excelled at keeping me warm. Both with his campfire making skills, and other...skills.

I watched him as he rode, admiring the strong shape of his face in profile. I truly couldn’t believe  _ how long  _ it had been since we’d last taken some time alone, for no other reason than just to be in each other’s company.

I still worried for Lotte, afraid that once night fell she might be scared without Mama and Da there, but I reminded myself that her siblings would take just as good of care of her as Jamie and I would, and that they were all mature, responsible young people.

“So, what is it that brought on a “hitch in timing” as you put it?” I fished, genuinely curious.

Jamie cut his eyes over to me in amusement. “My lips are sealed, Sassenach. Th’ children have been working verra hard on your surprise.”

“Fine,” I sighed. “I suppose I’ll just have to wait and find out. They’re so sweet, though, going through such effort to make my birthday special.”

“They love ye more’n anything,” he said matter-of-factly. 

“Can you believe it’s been ten years since I became their mother?” I asked. “It feels like just yesterday.”

“What I canna believe is it’s only been almost eleven years since ye first arrived in Colorado Springs. I remember so clearly, like it was but yesterday, th’ look on your bonny wee face when ye took down that  _ No Dogs or Indians  _ sign in th’ mercantile.”

“I remember,” I said in amusement, also remembering a dream I’d recently had of that day. “You’ve changed  _ so  _ much since then, sometimes I find it hard to reconcile in my mind the man you were, with the man you are now.”

Jamie nodded. “Aye, I understand what ye mean. Ye were different back then, as well.”

“Was I? I mean, of course I must have been in ways, one can’t live a decade, get married, have children, and go through the experiences we have without changing, but am I really so much of a different person now?”

He looked at me in surprise. “Aye, ye dinna realize? Th’ parts of you that are  _ really  _ you are th’ same, of course. Your kindness, intelligence, courage, ability as a doctor. But when I met ye, you were  _ so  _ afraid of appearing weak tae anyone, and of letting anyone in. Sometimes I think it was th’ children who were th’ first tae  _ ever  _ really know th’ real you.”

I nodded. “Well, the first would have been my uncle, but yes, I see what you mean. You were much the same way, you know.”

“I know. I like tae think I’m a bit more like how I was back home in Scotland when I’m with you.”

I smiled at him, once again trying to imagine him as a boy around Fergus’s age. “I wish I could have known you then.”

He smiled back. “As do I, Sassenach. Now come, we’re almost there.”

“You haven’t told me where there  _ is  _ yet.”

“Just on th’ other side of that meadow, yon.”

“That meadow, there?” I asked, pointing at the wide, sunny clearing ahead. Jamie nodded, and I offered him an angelic grin. “Well in that case...I’ll race you!”

I flicked Flash’s reigns and yelled a sharp  _ “yah!”  _ and the horse whipped his mane and took off like a shot, thrilled beyond measure to be given his head. 

I could hear Jamie’s laughter over the thundering of hooves as he and Gideon struggled to catch up. While the mustang was fast and powerful, he was simply no match for my smaller, more agile Cheyenne stallion. 

I pulled up at the other end of the meadow, with Jamie just behind. 

“Ye cheated, Sassenach,” he said, though he was grinning from ear to ear.

“Don’t blame me for your own slow reflexes,” I said primly. “You must be getting old!”

“I’ll show ye old,” he growled, reaching over for me.

Squealing, I slid off of Flash, releasing him to wander at will, then ran back through the meadow, dodging Jamie’s grabbing hands when he leapt off of Gideon and chased after me.

While faster on horseback, I had no hope of escaping Jamie on foot, and he caught me easily, wrapping a strong arm around my waist and pushing me down to lie in the thick, tall grass.

“Who’s old now?” he asked, his face a breath from mine.

“Not me,” I said, tilting my hips upward teasingly. “Not you either, I think.”

“Damned right,” he said, sealing his lips over mine.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, inhaling the warm scent of him mixed with the fresh smell of grass. 

Jamie pulled back, giving me a heated look, and I tensed in anticipation. It felt very scandalous, being this way here in the middle of an open clearing in broad daylight, but the way he was looking at me made me care very little whether or not we were spotted by anyone.

Then all of a sudden, Jamie’s eyes widened and he was yanking me up to my feet so quickly it made my head spin.

“What’s wrong?” I exclaimed, tightening my hold on his hands for balance.

“Sorry, Sassenach,” he said sheepishly, nodding downward. “Didn’a take th’ time tae really look at it. It’s no’ venomous.”

I turned and looked at where we were laying, to see that a small garter snake had been slithering calmly beside where my head had been. But then I supposed that seeing any sort of snake beside your wife’s head would be reason enough for a quick escape.

“I guess this meadow is taken,” I said in amusement. “Perhaps we should continue on to  _ wherever  _ you’re taking me?” 

He smiled. “As ye say, Sassenach. It’s just on th’ other side of those trees there.”

We took our horses’ reins and walked the rest of the way to where I supposed we’d be camping.

There was a small waterfall feeding into a stream, etched into the base of the mountain. The trees and other vegetation surrounded the little cove, giving it the impression of a private hideaway. 

“This is beautiful,” I gasped. “When did you find this?”

“Ian did and told me about it,” he said. “He says he’s stayed here often, and no one ever comes this far out. There’re no houses or farms for miles, we’ll no’ be disturbed.”

“I like the sound of that,” I said, grabbing his hand. “I love it, Jamie. Thank you for taking me here.”

Jamie leaned down, kissing me. “You’re welcome. There’s fish in that stream. I thought I’d catch one for our supper, but Bree also packed us some wine and a few other treats.”

“Are you going to tickle the fish?” I asked him with a grin as I went to dig into his saddlebags, finding the promised bottle of wine, and some wrapped food with a note on top from Brianna that said, 

“ _ Dear Mama, _

_ Sorry that we’re not singing to you on your actual birthday, but don’t worry, we’ll all be together tomorrow, and I promise it’ll be worth the wait! I couldn’t let you go without though, so there are two slices of chocolate cake (not that you’re required to share with Da unless you really want to.) Whether you make Da sing to you is your own decision. Have a great time, and Happy Birthday! _

_ Love, _

_ Brianna, William, Fergus, and Charlotte.” _

Jamie came over to read the note over my shoulder. “What does she mean by that? Is she suggesting I canna sing well and that’s why ye may no’ want me tae sing tae ye?”

I chuckled, since it was a  _ well  _ known fact that Jamie couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket. “You’re more than welcome to sing to me if you wish, darling.”

“Thank you,” he sniffed. “Go sit, Sassenach. No need for ye tae work on your own birthday. I’ll set up camp and then catch th’ fish.”

“You go fishing,” I said, waving him off. “Surely you know me well enough by now to know that I’m not going to kick up my heels while you do all the work.”

Jamie chuckled, but did as I asked. We worked in companionable silence, setting up our camp and preparing the fish he easily caught for supper. 

Night was gathering as we sat close together beside the fire, feeding each other bites of the cake Brianna packed for us. 

“This almost feels like we’re honeymooning all over again,” I said with a content hum. 

“I’m thinking we should  _ honeymoon _ more often,” he said, leaning down to lick a crumb off my bottom lip. 

I hummed again, this time in agreement, and nuzzled in closer to him. Though our marriage was  _ far  _ from going “stale,” I did have to admit that we didn’t make enough time to simply spend alone together, not counting our hushed lovemaking in our home at night, and it was something we really  _ should  _ try and make a point of doing occasionally, especially now that Lotte was getting older.

“Do you ever think about going back to Scotland?” I asked, having a sudden thought after what he’d said about wishing I’d known him in his homeland.

I felt his shrug against me. “No’ really. I like tae think there’d be no danger of it, after over twenty years. I  _ really  _ like tae think that perhaps Randall is dead, though I doubt I’m that lucky. But what is there tae go back to? Everything I love is here.”

“But your estate is still there, presumably,” I pointed out. “I don’t mean go back to  _ stay  _ but...wouldn’t you like to see it again?”

He gave that some thought, then tightened his arm around me. “No, I dinna think so. If th’ house even still stands, it’s no’ the home of my childhood any longer. I think maybe it’s better tae leave th’ past in th’ past. Ye ken what they say, ye can never go home again.”

“I suppose that’s true,” I said, thinking of the home I’d had long ago with Uncle Lamb, though that house in Boston had never felt like home in the way it did here with Jamie and children. “But I don’t like thinking that way in terms of the children. I want to hope they’ll always feel like they can come home to us, no matter where they go.”

Jamie kissed the top of my head. “They will, Sassenach. But no’ because we have a fine house in a fine land. It’ll be because of th’ love that is there waiting for them.”

I leaned into him, picking up his hand to thread our fingers together. “Do you know that I love you?”

Jamie hummed in pretend surprise. “D’ye? That’s a relief.”

I turned to him then, tilting my face up for a kiss, which he gladly supplied. It wasn’t long at all before we were pulling at one another’s clothes, our breathing picking up speed. 

“Ye haven’a finished your cake,” Jamie murmured in my ear.

“I’d rather a bite of you,” I said, nipping him in the shoulder. 

Jamie laughed and sat up to finish unbuttoning my dress. When he had it laid open, as well as my corset, he discovered that I was wearing only a short chemise beneath it all, and he gawked in playful shock.

“Sassenach! Look at ye, ye wanton wee thing. Ye’re no’ wearing your drawers!”

I chuckled. “At the risk of spoiling the moment and sounding  _ terribly  _ unalluring, I simply didn’t have any clean ones this morning.”

“So ye went without? And my wife has been going about bare beneath her skirt all day wi’out me knowing?”

“And what would you have done if you’d known?”

He smirked. “Well, I would ha’ had a great deal of fun, looking at ye all day and knowing that there was one less layer tae get through.”

His hands skimmed over the space between were my chemise ended and my stockings began, humming in appreciation. If I’d known he’d get so excited over a simple lack of underwear, I’d have done it ages ago.

He kissed down my neck, not making any move to take off the rest of my undergarments. He reached above my head and I opened my eyes to see what he was doing, perplexed when I saw that he was holding the plate with our half-eaten cake.

“What are you doing?”

“I told ye, we haven’a finished the cake,” he said lowly, setting the plate down beside me and swiping his finger across the frosting, making me yelp in surprise when he suddenly brushed the chocolate across my chest, painting a lopsided smiling face.

“What are you  _ doing _ ?” I asked again, laughing, but he didn’t answer. Instead he untied the laces on the front of my chemise and pulled the edges back, exposing my breasts, then painted them with more of the frosting.

When he was done he sat back, appraising his artwork.

“I’m a  _ mess _ !” I said, still laughing.

Jamie  _ tsked _ . “Canna have that,” he said, and my laughter turned into a sigh when he began slowly and methodically cleaning the mess he’d made with his tongue.

I let my head fall back, and buried my fingers in his hair as he lapped hungrily at the frosting, leaving nothing behind.

“Delicious,” he murmured, looking up and me and licking his lips.

There was still some on his bottom lip, though, so I tugged on his hair, drawing him upward. “You should share,” I said, pulling him down to kiss me.

He did, but then pulled right back again, grinning mischievously and picking up another bite of cake, making sure to get the frosting on his mouth before eating the bite and returning to me for another kiss.

It was messy, and I knew we had to look like toddlers eating their first slices of cake, but it  _ was  _ delicious.

I was actually a little surprised when he thrust into me, having not realized he’d even undone his pants, but I was more than ready, and the unexpectedness of it sent a shockwave of pleasure running over my nerve endings.

I bit my lower lip, but Jamie pulled it out with the tip of his finger. “No, Sassenach,” he panted. “Dinna stifle yourself. No one is around. I want tae hear ye.”

So rare in our marriage that we  _ hadn’t  _ been within hearing range of any number of people in our house, I’d almost forgotten  _ how  _ to let go, but then Jamie drove harder into me, angling himself just right, and I cried out sharply, hearing myself echo over the rocks.

All of a sudden, Jamie sat up, pulling me with him until he was on his knees, and I was straddling his lap. I hooked my legs around him as he jolted up hard, and I felt my voice grow louder in volume, barely able to do anything but hold onto him.

Jamie wasn’t quiet himself, uttering a string of words that were a nonsense combination of curses and cries to the Lord, in English, Gaelic,  _ and  _ Cheyenne. 

“More,” I said, even though I could only barely handle the force of which he was taking me.

“Fuck,” he hissed, pushing me back down onto my back, and with one hand squeezed one of my breasts hard enough to bruise, and with the other slid between us to rub quickly above where we were joined. “Come for me,  _ Sorcha _ ,”

I did as he commanded, bursts of light flashing in my eyes as I screamed loud enough to strain my throat, then clung to him as he followed a moment later, shaking as my body drew his release from him.

I held him close to me for a long time, tracing the scars on his back with my fingers, my breath shuttering as I came down from my high, still feeling pinpoints of sensation across my body.

“I think…” Jamie began, still catching his breath. “That for my birthday, ye and I should take another trip, and ask Bree tae bake us another cake.”

“Bigger cake,” I replied with a breathy chuckle. “And a longer trip.”

  
  
  



	11. Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The children prepare for Claire’s birthday party, which is sure to be full of surprises...

“Everything is still on schedule,” Denny said with a smile. “I got a telegraph just this morning saying they’ll be here on the morning train.”

“Great, thanks, Denny!” Fergus said. Everything was working out perfectly for his mother’s surprise, despite the fact that there’d been a delay and they’d ended up having to wait until the day  _ after  _ her birthday. Regardless, he just couldn’t wait. “Alright, come on, Lotte, don’t dawdle,” he called, growing exasperated with the way his little sister was darting all over the place. “We still have a lot to do for Ma’s party tomorrow.”

“Partyyy!” Lotte cried excitedly, leaping recklessly off the porch of the barbershop. 

“Hey, watch it,” Tom said. “I ain’t responsible if that kid gets hurt at  _ my  _ shop.”

“Sorry,” Fergus mumbled to Tom. “ _ Lotte _ , come  _ on _ .”

“Fergus!” Gale called from over by her cafe. “I need some input over here!”

“Coming,” Fergus called back, then looked around for his little sister. “Lotte, where did you...CHARLOTTE!”

Lotte was chasing after a butterfly, which was leading her into the middle of the street and in the path of an oncoming wagon.

Fergus raced into the road, but thank goodness Lotte was swept up into the arms of someone else, as he’d never have made it on time.

“Easy there,” said Mr. Collins, carrying Lotte back over to the side of the street and setting her down. “You shouldn’t play in the road, little one.”

“Charlotte, dammit!” Fergus hissed, grabbing her hand. “You could have been killed! What were you thinking?!”

Startled more by Fergus’s yelling than her brush with disaster, Lotte’s lower lip started to quiver and soon she was crying pitifully.

Sighing, Fergus picked her up, patting her back as she wailed into his shoulder. “Thank you, Mr. Collins,” he said. “I’m sorry, I should have been watching her closer.”

Mr. Collins smiled. “No harm done, son. I know how quickly little ones can get away from you. I can see you’re busy with preparations for your mother’s party, why don’t you let my wife and I watch Lotte for a little while?”

Fergus hesitated, unsure. Mr. and Mrs. Collins were very nice, and Mama had suggested that Lotte’s company seemed to be comforting to them in the wake of losing their own children, but he was still very wary of leaving his sister in the care of someone he didn’t know very well.

Mr. Collins caught on to Fergus’s hesitance quickly. “Oh, of course I mean we could sit with her at Gale’s Cafe. My wife is waiting for me there, now.”

That seemed harmless to Fergus, especially since he’d be there too and there’d be any number of other people around to help keep an eye on her.

“Okay, thank you,” he said. 

He carried Lotte to the cafe, then brought her over to where Mrs. Collins was sitting. Mr. Collins explained that he’d offered to watch Lotte for a little while, and Mrs. Collins enthusiastically agreed. Fergus went to go help Gale with finishing the menu preparations, and all the while Lotte sat happily with the Collins, eating pie, and enjoying the undivided attention. 

When time came to head home, he retrieved his sister, thanked the Collins, and swung the two of them up onto his horse. “ _ Tiugainn _ , Rollo,” he called, and the wolf jumped up from his resting spot by the livery and trotted home alongside them.

“I hope Mama doesn’t mind too much that her actual birthday celebration will be a day late,” Brianna said as they cleaned up after supper.

William chuckled. “Yeah, I really doubt she’s worrying much about that  _ right now _ .”

Brianna wrinkled her nose at him. “Willie! Ew.”

“You’re twenty years old, Bree, surely you’re aware by now how our dear little sister came to be.”

“Well of  _ course  _ I know, dummy. But  _ knowing  _ and  _ talking  _ about it are two different things.”

Fergus had a thought, and looked over at his brother. “Willie? Have you ever done it?”

This time, it was William with the look of disgust. “Fergus! That’s no way to talk in front of girls!”

“But you just...and why? It takes a girl to do it  _ with _ .”

Brianna laughed. “He got you there.  _ Have _ you?”

William gave them both a flat look then leaned back in Jamie’s chair, propping his feet up on the footstool. “Nope. We are not talking about this. New subject.”

Fergus rolled his eyes. “Fine. Do you think Ma and Da will make us a new sibling tonight?”

“Fergus!” Brianna and William both groaned. 

“How do you  _ make _ babies, anyway?” Lotte asked suddenly, looking up from where she’d been playing on the rug with her dolls and appearing for all the world to having not been paying attention. “I know how they get  _ out _ , but how do they get  _ in _ ?”

Fergus, Brianna, and William all looked at one another in panic.

“Uh...I think you’d better ask Mama that one, kiddo,” William said.

Brianna knelt on the rug beside Lotte, then pulled her into her lap and started to brush her hair. “I think about it sometimes...what it’d be like to have a baby. But I just can’t imagine it...being a mother I mean.”

“Why?” Fergus asked. “You’re great with Lotte.”

“I don’t mean that, really. It’s just…so many girls I know that are my age already  _ have  _ a child or more. But I still feel like such a child myself, sometimes.”

“Maybe when you’re married, it’ll feel different.”

“I think about how Ma was just a couple years older than I am now when she took us in,” William said. “Back then she seemed plenty old and mature, but now that I’m almost that age, I realize how young and scared she must have been, especially considering she didn’t have any experience with kids at all.”

“Sometimes I think about my birth mother,” Fergus admitted.

Brianna and William looked at him. “Really?” Brianna said. “You’ve never told us that before. Do you remember anything about her?”

He shook his head. “I don’t even know which of the women at the brothel she was, except that there was  _ one  _ girl who sort of sticks out in my memory. She was always extra kind to me, and snuck me sweets sometimes, but all I really remember about her was her long, dark hair, and that she was really young. Thing is,  _ if  _ she was really my mother, then she was only a kid. Like, my age now, if even that.”

Brianna smiled sadly. “Makes me glad that Mama didn’t give up on us when we made things so difficult for her in the beginning. Who knows  _ where  _ we all would have ended up,” she was interrupted when Lotte suddenly gave a massive yawn. “Alright, Lotte Love, I think it’s time for  _ you  _ to go to bed.”

“But Willie said I can stay awake as long as I want!” Lotte protested.

“That’s right, I did,” Willie said, holding his arms out for her.

Brianna placed her in his lap. “Fine, but you can be the one dealing with a little grouch in the morning. Remember, the train is coming in at seven.”

“How about a story?” William asked, cuddling her close and kissing the top of her head. He briefly imagined what it would be like to have a kid of his own, but had a hard time imagining loving one as much as he loved Lotte.

Lotte nodded excitedly. “Yeah! Tell me a story!”

“I know!” Fergus said. “Tell the story of the time I ran away, and Ma went looking for me.”

“And threw herself in front of a charging army to protect the Indians!” Brianna added excitedly.

Lotte’s eyes widened, already latching on to the story as William began.

“Once upon a time, there was a brave doctor, who had three children that weren’t her own, but she loved them just the same…”

~~~

As much as I’d enjoyed my short getaway with Jamie, I was happy to be going home to see the children. 

“Slow down, Sassenach,” Jamie laughed. “Poor Flash there is tired out. We’ll see Lotte before ye ken it.”

I pulled up on Flash’s reins. “Sorry, Flash,” I said, patting his neck. “I’m sorry, Jamie, I’m just anxious to see how her first night away from us went.”

“Ye’re going th’ wrong way,” Jamie said, pulling Gideon to a stop.

I looked at him, to the road, and back again. “We’re not going home?”

“No’ just yet, this way,” he pulled Gideon around, heading into town.

“Jamie,” I called, catching up to him. “I want to at least freshen up and change before the party!”

Jamie raised a brow at me. “Who says ye’re getting a party? Your birthday was  _ yesterday,  _ Sassenach.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine, but I would still like to freshen up before going into town.”

“Ye’re bonny as ye are,  _ mo cridhe _ . I did  _ mean  _ tae give us time tae change first, but as ye  _ well  _ ken, we were a wee bit...distracted.”

I chuckled, flushing at the memory. “Well, yes. And I  _ suppose  _ we did have a...bath in the stream this morning. So you’re really not going to give me  _ any  _ hint as to what I’m supposed to expect?”

He shook his head. “Nope. For once, ye’re just going to have to go along wi’out knowing everything.”

I stuck my tongue out him, but followed without further complaint. 

When we reached the town, everything was quiet, and the streets were empty. I smiled to myself, reminded of my thirtieth birthday.

Jamie was practically bouncing with excitement, and my smile broadened. I didn’t think I’d ever seen him quite this excited about anything before, and my anticipation continued to grow.

We passed by my clinic, and I gave the sign that read  _ Dr. Claire E. Beauchamp, M.D.  _ a fond look, remembering when the whole town pitched in to give it to me. I’d asked Jamie once if he minded that I didn’t have it changed to Fraser, and his answer was simply that I was, and would forever be Dr. B., and who was he to want to change that?

Jamie led me to the field beside the church, and as we crossed the little bridge I could already see the lanterns strung up from the trees, and the large gathering of people waiting there.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DR. B.!” everyone exclaimed.

Tears stung my eyes as I took in all the smiling faces, all remarkably there just to celebrate  _ me _ .

Not for the first time, I wondered at how I could have been so lucky to find a place where I was loved and appreciated, not only as a person, but as a doctor. What had I done, to deserve all of this?

“Thank you!” I cried as William rushed over to help me down. I looped my arms around his neck as he set me down before turning to find the rest of my children waiting for me.

“Mama!” Lotte yelled, reaching her arms up for me. 

I picked her up, squeezing her tightly. “Oh, my Lotte Love! I missed you!”

I hugged Fergus and Brianna, kissing both their cheeks. “Thank you all so much, this is wonderful!”

“You’re welcome,” Brianna said. “But this isn’t your surprise.”

I blinked. “It’s not?”

Fergus laughed. “Nope! Well, actually, the surprise is sort of for all of us, but there was someone who just  _ had  _ to come celebrate your birthday with you!”

Now I was  _ truly  _ perplexed, and when I looked back at Jamie, I was shocked to find that he looked close to tears. “What? What are you talking about? Who?”

“Hello, Auntie.”

Gasping, I spun around, only to find two people had stepped from the crowd, and were standing just behind me with enormous smiles.

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ!” I breathed. “Ian! Rachel!”

Young Ian and Rachel rushed to embrace me together, laughing as we all nearly fell over from it.

The young newlyweds had left Colorado when Lotte was a baby, so that they could live in a community of mostly Quakers who allowed them to live together in peace, despite Rachel being a white woman married to an Indian man. Though we’d received letters, we hadn’t seen the pair since, and it had never ceased to feel like our family was incomplete without them.

“I’ve missed you both so much,” I said, close to sobbing. “You’re well?!”

“We’re wonderful,” Rachel said. “But we’ve missed our family.”

“Fergus wrote that your birthday was approaching and they were planning a party, so we decided to come,” Ian said, putting his arm around Rachel. 

I was astounded by the changes in both of them. They seemed to have both grown and changed much more than only four years allowed for. Ian had finally stopped growing taller, but he’d broadened, and had lost all of the last vestiges of boyhood. His skin had darkened with age and sun, however, and I imagined he was likely no longer able to pretend to be a white, even with the clothes he currently wore.

“Hello  _ mo bhalaich _ ,” Jamie said warmly, pulling Ian into a crushing hug. “Welcome home.”

“We have one more little surprise for you,” Rachel said slyly. “We would have written about it, of course, but there have been delays in mail collection up north, and, well, eventually we decided how much fun it would be to share it in person.”

“Oh?” Jamie asked, evidently not knowing about this particular aspect of my surprise, either.

Rachel and Ian both turned, facing where the elder Ian stood, looking proud to bursting with a small bundle cradled in his arms.

My gasp this time might have been even louder as Jamie and I both hurried over.

“Meet my granddaughter, Dances in Rain,” Two Moons said with a beaming grin.

“Or, Rain, for short,” Rachel added.

I took the baby, scarcely nine weeks old, if that, and was mesmerized by her tiny, perfect face. “Oh, Rachel, Ian, she’s positively beautiful. Jamie, look!”

Jamie grinned down at the little girl, lightly touching her hand with the tip of his finger. He then bent and picked up Lotte. “D’ye remember being that wee,  _ a leannan _ ?”

Lotte shook her head. “I used to be  _ that  _ little?”

“I can barely believe it myself,” I said, then looked up at Rachel. “I can’t believe I didn’t even know you were expecting! And the birth? Everything went well?”

“Everything was fine,” she said. “I  _ did  _ rather hope you wouldn’t mind examining Rain yourself, just to help put our minds at ease...particularly a certain new father over here.”

“I don’t doubt  _ you _ ,” Ian said. “It’s only that Auntie Claire has more experience!”

“Of  _ course  _ I’ll examine Rain,” I assured them, ready to go right then until Jamie touched my shoulder and gestured to the party that was waiting for us. “Tomorrow, I suppose.”

I let Great Uncle Jamie have a turn a holding his new niece, and looped one arm through Rachel’s, and the other through Brianna’s to head into the celebration. 

“‘Bout time we get this party started!” Rupert exclaimed. “Jamie? Would you like to do the honors?”

Jamie laughed. “Go right on ahead, Rupert,” he glanced at me. “We’re opening up a brand new cask of whisky, Sassenach, just for you.”

I widened my eyes dramatically. “Now I really  _ do  _ feel special! Let the festivities begin!”

I sat with Brianna, Jenny, and Rachel while she told us all about life in Montana.

“The Quakers are certainly different than what I’m used to,” she said. “But their lives are so peaceful and uncomplicated. Plus, it helps that they’ve accepted Ian and me.”

“That’s what’s most important,” Jenny said. “I’m happy for you, Rachel.”

“I can’t  _ believe  _ you’re a mother now,” Brianna said. “It’s funny because just last night I was talking to the boys about how I just can’t picture it for myself, not yet.”

“I know how you feel,” Rachel said, laughing. “I couldn’t either, till it happened.”

“You’re probably not as far off from it as you think,” Jenny said to Bree. “I’ve seen how much closer you and Roger have been becoming lately.”

Brianna gave her a level look. “Regardless of what happens between me and Roger, I would like to finish my schooling before anything else.

“Think you’ll have another, Dr. B.?” Rachel asked slyly, giving my midsection a pointed look.

I laughed. “Oh, if it happens, it happens, but I’m absolutely content with the children we have. Of course,  _ grand _ children wouldn’t be unwelcome…” I cut my eyes over to Brianna and she groaned.

“Oh no! Don’t  _ you  _ start! You’re too young to be a grandma, remember?!”

I hummed. “I don’t know. Two Moons doesn’t seem suddenly ancient just because he’s a grandfather now. I could get used to the idea.”

She rolled her eyes. “Just love on Rain to get it out of your system.”

“Where  _ is  _ Rain?” Rachel asked, looking around.

“You might not get her back for the rest of the night,” I joked. “I rarely got to hold my own baby during town celebrations, until she had to eat, of course.”

“There she is,” Brianna said, pointing. “Mrs. Collins is holding her. Looks like Lotte’s keeping an eye on her. She’s been  _ so  _ fascinated by her ever since they arrived this morning.”

“Who’s Mrs. Collins?” Rachel asked, looking to me to gauge how she should feel about this woman she didn’t know holding her baby.

“Mr. and Mrs. Collins are passing through town,” I said. “They arrived while Mrs. Collins was pregnant, but they unfortunately lost the baby, and have been taking the time to heal a little before moving on.”

“Oh, that’s awful,” Rachel said. “It must be killing her, seeing everyone fuss over Rain.”

“I think it’s comforting to them,” I said. “They lost another daughter a few months ago, around Lotte’s age, and they’ve become so attached to her since they’ve been here. I think as far as dealing with grief goes, they’ve found a healthy way to go about it.”

Rachel clutched at her stomach, her face pinched. “Oh God, I can’t even imagine that.”

Understanding her needful expression at once, I stood up. “Don’t worry, I’ll just go tell Mrs. Collins that Rain needs her feeding.”

Rachel smiled at me in thanks, and I went over to where Mrs. Collins was seated, cooing at Rain while Lotte and Rollo looked over each of her shoulders curiously.

I laughed at the picture they made, particularly since Maria didn’t seem overly phased by Rollo’s nearness, the way most newcomers did when faced with the sheer size of the wolf.

“Rollo used to stare at Lotte the same way,” I said.

Mrs. Collins glanced over her shoulder and back and me, chuckling. “Well that’s a relief. I was a little worried he was considering her as his next meal.”

“Oh no,” I said, scratching Rollo behind the ear. “I used to think there could never be a dog more devoted to a person than Rollo was to Jamie…that is until Lotte was born. He’s been her constant companion since the day she came into this world.

Lotte put her arm around Rollo’s massive neck, leaning her weight against him. “Is the baby coming home with us, Mama?” she asked.

“I don’t know, dearest,” I said. “Perhaps, or they may stay with Auntie Jenny,” I didn’t mention that the reason they would stay at Jenny’s was because that was likely to be where Two Moons was as well, since his frequent residence in Jenny’s house was a poorly kept secret, but one everyone knew not to discuss in front of strangers. I smiled at Maria. “I’m sorry, but Rachel needs to feed Rain.”

“Oh! Of course!” she said, handing the baby over.

“Mama, can I have more cake?” Lotte asked.

“I suppose,” I said, figuring she’d probably find a way to get an extra slice either way. I’d already resigned myself to having a daughter with a bellyache that night. “But find someone to serve it to you, please. Don’t try and get it yourself.”

“I’ll get it,” Maria offered. “I think I’d like another piece myself!”

“Thank you, Ms. Maria!” Lotte said, taking her hand.

I brought Rain to Rachel, and the young mother took her into her arms eagerly, kissing her downy head. I felt a pinch of nostalgia as Rachel unbuttoned her blouse to offer her breast to Rain, feeling the ghost of a tug that I once felt while feeding Lotte. 

Jamie came up behind me, offering me another glass of his (actually quite good!) whisky, and put his arm around my shoulder.

“I ken that look,” he whispered in my ear. “Are your arms aching for another, then?”

“It  _ would  _ be lovely to have a baby again,” I admitted. “But Jamie, we’ve  _ just  _ gotten back to the point where we can spend time alone together again. I’m not so sure I’m ready to give that up...are you?”

He chuckled. “Canna say I am, no’ that we ever take many measures to prevent it either way.”

I laughed as well. “No, no reliable ones, anyway. I guess what I mean to say is, I’m fine if it doesn’t happen again.”

He kissed my cheek. “But you’d be fine if it did?”

“I do believe I would.”

There was drinking and dancing, well into the night. I was gleefully drunk in a way I hadn’t been since before Lotte was born, gone past the point that I didn’t care if I was dancing the steps correctly, and Jamie was in the same state as I, much to everyone’s amusement.

“Come on, Fergus, a deal’s a deal!” I heard William saying as Jamie and I laughed and stumbled our way from the dancing to get another drink.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, seeing my three older children locked in some kind of argument.

“Nothing, Mama,” Brianna said. “We were just  _ reminding  _ Fergus that he drew the short straw this morning, which means he has to take Lotte home,” she gestured to the child in question, who was sitting with her back against Rollo, eyelids heavy.

“Just put her somewhere out o’ th’ way wi’ Rollo and let her sleep,” Jamie said. “We’ll bring her when we go home.”

Fergus gave me a hopeful look. “Is that okay, Mama?”

I hesitated, but then I knew that once she fell asleep she’d be dead to the world, and no amount of noise would rouse her. “Get the blanket from the wagon and take her over by the church, just make sure Rollo stays with her and that everyone checks on her.”

“No problem,” Fergus said, picking her up, her head already lolling sleepily on his shoulder. 

There was a tap on my shoulder, and I turned around to find Roger holding his hand out for me. “May I have this dance,  _ Madame _ ?”

“You  _ may _ ,” I said dramatically, giving him my hand. “That is, of course, if my daughter permits?”

“We’re not bringing that up again!” Brianna shouted.

“Bring up what?” William asked, looking fairly glassy-eyed himself. “You mean the time you tried to get our mother to court your boyfriend? Or the time you thought you were in love with our father?”

Brianna covered her ears with her hands. “STOOOP!”

Even Roger, our  _ reverend _ , was drunk enough not to be embarrassed as I pulled him the rest of the way to the dance floor, followed soon by Brianna with Jamie.

“Any advice?” Roger asked.

“On how to dance?” I wondered. “Well, it’d  _ help  _ if you actually moved to the music. This is a waltz, not a polka.”

“No,” he said, ignoring my well-placed advice. “How to get  _ that  _ one to marry me,” he hooked a thumb over his shoulder to where Bree and Jamie were laughingly trying to decide who would lead.

“Have you tried asking?”

“What if she says no?”

Poor Roger looked like such a lost little puppy, I wanted to wrap him in a blanket and feed him soup.

“Speaking as the woman you formally tried to court,” I said with an imperial sniff, grinning when he flushed and rolled his eyes. “It’s not written anywhere that if you get engaged you have to get married tomorrow. Brianna is  _ determined  _ to finish school, and she’s aware how a husband and potentially children could make that difficult, if not impossible. She may appreciate you just showing her that you’re committed, yet content to wait, and  _ most  _ of all, that you support her in what she’s trying to do.”

“I  _ do  _ support her,” Roger assured me, twirling me around. “There was a time I thought like some of the other men in town, that women shouldn’t have professions. Then I met  _ you _ , and I realized that I don’t  _ want _ some simpering housewife. I want…” he stopped dancing, and looked over at Bree and Jamie. “I want what you and Jamie have.”

“So does she,” I informed him. “But all either of you need in order to have that is love, and acceptance of the other for who they are. I think you both have that, Roger, so it isn’t me you have to prove it to. And it’s not even Jamie. It’s her.”

Roger smiled at me, then leaned down to kiss my cheek.

“Now, now, then,” I warned teasingly. “My husband could see you.”

Roger groaned in exasperation, then twirled me again.

“I think the band has finally passed out,” Joe said, putting an arm around my shoulder and almost pushing me over. “Best party this town has ever seen, I think. Thanks for being born, Lady Jane.”

I chuckled. “You’re most welcome,” I stretched my arms above my head, yawning. “What time is it?” I asked.

Jamie glanced up at the moon. “Past two in th’ morning. What say we find our wee’un and then find our beds?”

I nodded, leaning against him as we walked. “My bed is sounding  _ verra  _ appearing right now. Where are Rachel and Ian?”

“They took th’ bairn home tae Jenny’s house a little while ago. They offered tae take Lotte, but last I checked she was sound asleep and looking most comfortable.”

We walked the short ways over to the church, where we’d set up Lotte to sleep on a makeshift bedroll beside the oak tree. 

The first thing I became aware of was that Rollo wasn’t curled up around her, the way he’d been last I checked on her not half an hour prior. But then when we got closer to the tree, nothing was there at all. Wolf, child, and blanket, gone.

“Where is she?” I asked, looking all around.

“I dinna ken,” Jamie said. “She must have woken up and gone looking for us. Come on, she would have only wandered back to th’ party. Th’ kids probably have her.”

We returned to the party, and I looked all around for the sight of a familiar head of red hair, and her large gray companion. 

“There’s Fergus,” Jamie said. “Lad, have ye seen Lotte?”

Fergus furrowed his brow in concern. “No...is she not still by the tree?”

“No, we just came from there,” I said, growing worried. “She’s not there.”

“Well...don’t worry, Ma, she’s probably with Bree or Willie. Come on.”

We quickly found William, then Brianna, but neither of them had her. 

“Mama, don’t panic,” Brianna said, even though she was sounding a little panicked herself. “ _ Someone  _ here has her, she wouldn’t have just wandered away, and even if she did, Rollo’s not going to let her get too far.”

Most had already gone home, but we split up and began questioning those who had remained behind to clean up, but everyone said the same thing, that last they saw her, she was sound asleep near the church.

“Jamie…” I whimpered, hearing the hysteric edge to my voice.

“It’s going tae be alright,” he assured me, giving me a brief hug. “We’ll find her and be laughing about it by morning. Now...you, Jenny, Bree, and Gale will stay here and go over th’ churchyard wi’ a fine tooth comb. She could be playing a game, and hiding. Roger, Joe, Rupert, and Angus, go around and knock on doors, ask if anyone has seen her. Ian, William, Fergus, and I will look in th’ woods.”

“Jamie...the river…”

Jamie shook his head. “ _ No _ ,” he snapped. “Dinna you even go thinking like that. Lotte is a braw swimmer anyway, as is Rollo for that matter.”

“Rollo is an  _ animal _ !” I exclaimed. “We never should have left her alone with only a fucking  _ dog  _ to watch her!”

Jamie gave me a long look, but didn’t respond, only turned on his heel and motioned for the other men to follow. 

I watched him go, feeling cold inside. Our town was a safe community full of people who looked out for one another. Truly the village that raised the children. Even men like Dougal and Wiley, for all their faults, would never hurt a hair on Lotte’s head. I  _ should  _ have felt sure that Lotte was simply with a member of her large, extended family, safe and sound.

But I didn’t. Something was wrong.

Very wrong.


	12. Whatever it Takes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire, Jamie, and the rest of Colorado Springs search for Charlotte.

Jamie’s mind was in turmoil, his wame clenched in terror. 

He, along with Ian, William, and Fergus lit lanterns and slowly picked their way through the woods behind the churchyard, trying to leave no leaf unturned. 

“I see no tracks, child  _ or  _ wolf,” Ian said. “I do not think she went this way, brother.”

“Maybe they’ve already found her back in town,” Fergus said. “Or maybe someone should check the house, she could have decided to go home. She knows the way.”

Jamie nodded, cross that he hadn’t thought of that before. “Aye, ye could be right. Let’s go back and check.”

His ears picked up the sound of the river, and his wame clenched more. Despite what he’d said to Claire, he had to at least check.

“Da,” William said as he started in the direction of the river. 

“I need tae look,” he growled, though he almost couldn’t bring himself to breach the tree line to the shore of the water.

Of course if she’d fallen in, she could be a mile downriver already, but seeing the empty shore was still a slight comfort.

He put his fingers to his lips and whistled sharply, as he already had a dozen times. Never, not once in the some fifteen years since finding Rollo as a half-frozen pup in the snow had he not come when Jamie whistled. True, the wolf was getting on in years. Perhaps his hearing was going. Or perhaps his loyalty to Lotte was such that he remained at her side wherever she was and would not heed even his master’s call. Or perhaps something had happened to him, and Lotte was alone and scared.

Jamie shook his head, banishing that thought from his mind. His only comfort at that moment was the belief that Rollo was with her. He may have been only an animal, but he was smarter than any other animal Jamie had ever known, and loved Lotte with his whole being. He would protect her. Jamie had to believe that. He had to.

They returned to town, and the gathering of people where the party had been had grown again, though everyone was spread out, calling Lotte’s name.

Jamie’s heart sank. They hadn’t found her.

He looked all around for Claire, then saw her coming out of the clinic, and he called her.

“Jamie!” she cried, running toward him with a hopeful expression that fell at once. “Nothing?”

He shook his head. “No. No sign of her, no’ even tracks. What about th’ house? Could she have gone home?”

“Brianna went and checked already,” she said. “And I just turned the clinic upside down. Jenny went back to her house, and now she and Young Ian are searching her ranch. This just doesn’t make  _ sense _ ! Where could she have  _ gone _ ?”

“I dinna ken,” he said. “A child canna just  _ disappear _ . And wi’out Rollo, I canna even used him tae track her scent!”

Claire’s eyes brightened. “The Hendersons have a bloodhound!”

Jamie nodded. “Aye, we need something wi’ Lotte’s scent.”

Claire turned and went back into the clinic, and Jamie followed. He paused momentarily at the entrance, surprised that she hadn’t been using a figure of speech when she said she’d turned the clinic upside town. Beds were turned on their side, objects tossed from the closets, a tray of instruments carelessly knocked over in her haste.

“Here,” she said, holding a teddy bear. “She plays with this all the time.”

“I’ll send one of th’ kids tae th’ Henderson’s,” Jamie said, holding the bear close, then reached over and put his finger underneath Claire’s chin. “We’ll find her, Sassenach. I promise ye this. We’ll find her.”

Claire nodded, swallowing tears. “I know. I know we will. We just...we have to  _ hurry _ , Jamie. It’s cold, and she shouldn’t be out all night.”

“I know,” he whispered, kissing her. “We’ll hurry.”

He turned to go, then paused, looking up the stairs. “Sassenach, are th’ Collins still staying here?”

“Yes,” she said. “They’re not in their room, though. I figure they’re probably out looking with everyone else.”

“Aye,” Jamie agreed, then took her hand and led her back out into the night.

By the time Fergus went to the Henderson house and returned with the Hendersons and their bloodhound, dawn was beginning to break. 

There were dark shadows under Claire’s eyes, and he could tell she was only managing to keep herself from breaking down with sheer strength and determination to find their daughter.

“It’s all my fault,” Fergus said numbly. “If I’d just taken her home myself like I should have...”

“No,” Claire said. “It’s not your fault, Fergus. I’m her mother, I never should have left her unattended.”

“She wasn’t unattended,” Brianna said. “We were all  _ right _ there.”

“It’s no one’s fault,” Jamie said firmly. “And it does us no good talking about it. Henderson?”

Gary Henderson took the teddy bear from Jamie and held it under his dog’s nose. “Come on, old girl,” he said. “Find.”

Hazel the bloodhound gave the toy a good sniff before turning and sniffing at the ground, making wide circles around the area, trying to pick up a scent. 

“Take her by the church,” Joe said. “Start there.”

Everyone walked together back to the oak tree where Lotte had last been seen, and Henderson offered the bear to Hazel once more before the hound threw back her head and brayed.

“She’s got something,” Henderson said.

But the dog only shuffled around the church, over the bridge, and around the main hub of town.

“It’s no use,” William said. “Lotte’s scent’s gotta be all over this place.”

Henderson shook his head. “Hazel’s the best huntin’ dog around. She’d be able to go straight to the girl...unless she’s not  _ around _ .”

“What the hell does that mean?” Claire asked. “She can’t possibly have gone that far! She’s not even five years old, for Christ sake!”

“What if we tried giving her Rollo’s scent?” Fergus asked.

Jamie had considered that, but shook his head. “No, lad. We canna risk even th’ possibility that Rollo isn’a with her and waste time looking for him.”

“Look, I know you probably don’t want to hear this,” Murtagh said. “But if someone took the child on a horse, or wagon, that might be enough to throw the dog off.”

“But who would  _ take  _ her?” Claire asked. “Everyone in town knows her, and loves her. The only people at the party are the people who are here right now.”

“Where are th’ Collins?” Jamie asked, suddenly realizing there were two people  _ not  _ there who had attended the party.

“I...haven’t seen them since the party started winding down,” Jenny said. “Have they not been out here looking?”

Everyone looked around amongst themselves, but no one could say when the last they saw the couple.

“They’re the only ones at the party who aren’t townsfolk,” Murtagh said.

As grim realities started to make their way into Jamie’s mind, he became aware of Claire suddenly sinking to the ground beside him.

He rushed to catch her, but she wasn’t fainting, only falling to her knees. 

“They were  _ so  _ fond of her,” she whispered. “They kept saying how she reminded them of their daughter. Dear God...Jamie…they took her. I know they did.”

“Alright,” William snapped loudly. “We need a posse. They obviously didn’t take a train, so they couldn’t have gotten that far.”

“I’ll go,” Roger said, followed quickly by Joe, Murtagh, and several other men.

“We should form two,” Jamie said, standing up. “They may no’ have taken th’ main road, but we’ll send men that way anyway. The rest will take th’ mountain road. Go now and gather supplies and your horses.”

“I’m going, Jamie,” Claire said as the men dispersed. 

“Aye, I ken,” he said, touching the side of her face. “Take Brianna tae th’ clinic and gather medical supplies, then meet us at th’ house.”

Claire nodded, turning to go, but Jamie held her hand, pulling her back to him. “We  _ will _ get her back.”

She nodded again, squaring her shoulders bravely. “I know.”

~~~

It was horrible, being both sleep deprived and hungover while needing my mind to be sharp and focused, but I only berated myself continuously for drinking the night away when I should have been minding my daughter.

“What kind of mother am I?” I muttered, not having realized I’d even spoken aloud until Brianna looked at me.

“An amazing one,” she said. “This is  _ not  _ your fault, Mama. It’s not anybody’s fault, except the people who took her. Are you really so certain that it was the Collins?”

I snapped shut the lid to my medical bag. “Dougal and Tom are checking around town to be sure, but no one has seen them and... _ Christ _ ...why didn’t I see it coming?”

“How  _ could  _ you? They seemed so nice.”

“Even seemingly nice people can do horrible things,” I reminded her. “And the Collins are grieving, they may not even be in their right minds.”

“But, they liked Lotte because they reminded them of their daughter. So that means they’re not going to hurt her.”

I tried to assure myself that that was true. But people in the grips of grief could be unpredictable, and we didn’t even know them. Who was to say that their daughter actually died of Scarlet Fever? What if  _ they’d  _ done something to her?

The house was surrounded by horses when Brianna and I reached it, and Jamie was outside with a map rolled out on a work table. He had the men gathered around, pointing to the roads that needed to be taken.

“Dinna stop until ye reach Manitou,” he was saying to Joe and Murtagh. “And once you’re there, head straight for th’ telegraph office and wire Denny. They’ve a sheriff now, I believe. Alert him, and spread th’ word.”

“Which way are we going, Jamie?” I asked.

“Durango,” he replied. “Tom said that Richard Collins mentioned early on possibly taking his wife tae Utah, but Maria was born in Mexico. I think they might have gone south, thinking no one would expect them to go th’ way they’ve come.”

I supposed that made as much sense as anything, but it felt like we were just taking a stab in the dark. Regardless, Jamie had search parties headed in every direction, so someone just  _ had  _ to find them. I found myself hoping though that it would be me and Jamie, or Joe and Murtagh...anyone but the temperamental gunslingers like Dougal or Tom. I knew that they wanted to see Lotte safe, but I worried that if things turned violent, she’d be caught in the crosshairs. 

“It will be you, me, th’ Ians, Fergus, and Roger,” Jamie said. “William is taking a party east, in case they went back tae Kansas.”

“I’m going with you,” Brianna said.

I turned to her, and she scowled, already preparing her argument. 

“Bree,  _ listen _ ,” I said. “As much as I would like you with us, I need you here in case one of the other parties brings her home first. Do you understand that? I  _ need  _ someone who she knows, who loves her like I do to be waiting for her no matter what happens.”

After a moment, Brianna sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I do understand. You’ll be really careful, right?”

I kissed her cheek. “I promise.”

Jamie had tried to get me to rest a little before heading out, but there was no way I could so much as close my eyes, not knowing where my baby was, or if she was safe. I did go upstairs and scrubbed the night off of me before changed into leather trousers and one of William’s old shirts with my sturdiest working boots. The  _ sgian dhu  _ that Jamie had given me years ago went into my boot.

After, I wandered into Lotte’s room, feeling my eyes water up at the sight, almost able to make out the shape of her under the covers.

I sat on the bed, touching her pillow, then noticed that Mac was tucked up under it.

I held the old stuffed bunny to my chest and cried, feeling like if I put it down just then I would surely shatter apart into a million pieces.

Just days ago...a week? I’d thought about how I could never recover from the pain of losing one of my children. I’d brought Lotte to my and Jamie’s bed, simply needing to have her close, assure myself that she was safe.

Actual, physical pain lanced through my body as scenario after horrible scenario ran through my mind of what could happen to my baby girl.

The sobs wouldn’t stop coming, though I didn’t realize that I was struggling to breathe until suddenly I wasn’t alone. 

Jamie had his arms wrapped almost painfully tight around me, and he was begging me to breathe through his own tears.

I pressed my ear to his chest, listening to his own breath go in and out, and forced mine to match until finally, slowly, I came back to myself.

“I ken you’re scared,” he said, rubbing my back. “I am too. But please, Sassenach, I need ye. I tell ye all th’ time that ye needn’t always be strong wi’ me but I  _ need  _ ye to be strong now. I canna do this without you. Please,  _ mo cridhe _ , I need ye.”

I nodded, then sat back, taking a deep breath and then accepted the handkerchief he offered. “I’m sorry. I’m alright now. I just needed...a moment.”

“Aye, I ken. I felt th’ same which is why I came up here. I wish ye’d try and sleep a little before we go.”

My doctor’s mind knew that twenty-eight hours without sleep, and only minimal sleep the day and night before that, meant we were operating on the brain function of the heavily intoxicated. But my mother’s mind didn’t care.

“Only if you’ll lie down with me,” I bargained. 

Jamie nodded, and we lay down together on Lotte’s bed, falling at once into an exhausted doze. When William woke us an hour later, I quite possibly felt worse than I had before. 

Back outside, everyone had gathered back up again before heading out.

“I want to thank you all,” I said. “For helping us search for our daughter.”

“That little girl is like the child of this whole town,” Joe said. “Don’t you worry, Lady Jane. We’ll find her.”

I nodded in thanks, then turned to William. “I don’t like that you’re not going with us, but I know how Jamie wants his best men leading the search parties. Just be very careful, do you understand?”

“I will, Mama,” he said, kissing my cheek. “You be careful, too.”

“Dr. B.?” Rachel said, taking her daughter back from her husband. “I just want you to know that you don’t have to worry about the clinic. Jenny told me about Dr. Raymond leaving, and I can run things here while you’re gone.”

To my chagrin, I hadn’t given the clinic a thought, and even with the reminder I couldn’t find enough spare energy within me to worry about it, but I appreciated Rachel’s offer nonetheless.

“Thank you,” I said, hugging her, then kissing Rain’s head. “Just don’t work too hard, okay? You have this baby to think of.”

“Rachel’s gonna stay here at the house with me,” Brianna said. 

“That’s good. Perhaps Jenny wouldn’t mind staying too.”

There was a snort behind me and I turned to find Jenny standing there with her hands on her hips. “As if I’d let you run off on a search without me. I’m coming too.”

I didn’t even bother attempting to argue with her, and actually I felt like her level-headedness and practicality would be vital. 

I looked to Jamie, and we exchanged a nod. “Alright then,” I said. “Time to go.”

~~~

Lotte was worried, and very confused.

Mama’s birthday had been so much fun. Lotte had especially liked having that new little baby around, and she hoped that maybe Ian and Rachel would stay and let Rain grow up to be her friend.

She’d fallen asleep on Fergus’s shoulder, and had woken up once to see that the party was still happening, but someone had put her on a blanket by a tree. She thought that was sort of neat, like camping. Rollo was with her, so she wasn’t scared, and she went back to sleep.

When she woke up again, she was being carried. At first she thought it was Da, but when she opened her eyes, she realized it was Mr. Collins.

“Where are we going?” she had asked.

“Don’t worry,” he said quietly. “We’re taking you home. Go back to sleep.”

Lotte thought that was a little strange, but Mr. and Mrs. Collins were nice, and Rollo was following them, so she wasn’t scared.

She must have fallen asleep again, because when her eyes opened back up, she was in a wagon, and it was daytime.

She thought it was strange that they weren’t home yet, but then again, home was nowhere around! Lotte knew Colorado Springs like the back of her hand...that’s what Mama always said...but nothing around her looked familiar at all.

“Ms. Maria?” she called. 

Ms. Maria turned around where she sat on the buckboard and smiled at her. “Well, good morning, sleepyhead.”

“Where are we going?” she asked again. “This isn’t Colorado Springs.”

“What a smart girl you are,” Ms. Maria said. “No, dear, we’re going away.”

“Away? But where? Where’s my Mama and Da?”

“Don’t worry, you’ll see your mother and father later.”

Lotte frowned, then looked over the edge of the wagon for Rollo. Sure enough, he was trotting alongside. Da always said that she was safe if Rollo was with her, so surely she was okay.

But it was very strange. Mama and Da only ever let her go places with Fergus, William, Brianna, Auntie Jenny, Uncle Ian, Uncle Joe and Auntie Gale, and Roger. No one else in town had ever taken her anywhere. Did she even have permission? She hoped Mama and Da wouldn’t be angry with her.

They kept going for a long time. When Lotte needed to go, they stopped and Ms. Maria took her into the trees. When said she was hungry, Ms. Maria gave her some crackers and apple juice. But the road was long and straight, and Lotte was growing bored.

“Where are we  _ going _ ?” she asked again.

“Quit asking,” Mr. Collins said. “I told you, we’re going  _ home. _ ”

“No, we’re not. Home’s the other way!”

“We’re going to your  _ new  _ home, _ niña _ ,” Ms. Maria said.

“ _ New  _ home?! But I don’t wanna new home! I want my Mama and Da.”

“Your ma and pa don’t  _ want  _ you anymore,” Mr. Collins snapped. “They  _ gave _ you to us.”

Lotte stared at him, stunned. He couldn’t be telling the truth. Mama and Da loved her. They told her every day. They wouldn’t just  _ give her away _ . 

“You’re lying!” she cried. “Take me home! I wanna go home!”

She didn’t really want to cry, but she was becoming afraid, so she did. Ms. Maria tried to hush her gently, but now that she’d started crying, she couldn’t stop.

“ _ Stop  _ that!” Mr. Collins hissed. “Maria, do something, damn it.”

“I’m trying,” Ms. Maria said. “Stop the cart, let me get into the back with her.”

Mr. Collins stopped the cart, and Lotte decided that if they wouldn’t take her home, she’d just go herself. But when she tried to jump out of the wagon, Ms. Maria grabbed her around the middle and pulled her back.

“What are you doing?!” Ms. Maria exclaimed.

“Let me GO!” Lotte yelled, kicking and screaming. 

Rollo’s snarl was unlike anything Lotte had ever heard, and suddenly he was in the back of the cart, his teeth sinking into Ms. Maria’s wrist and jerking her away from Lotte.

Lotte screamed and cried as Mr. Collins hit Rollo with his fist, trying to get him off of Ms. Maria. Rollo did release Ms. Maria, but he only attacked Mr. Collins, instead.

Lotte huddled into the corner of the wagon cart, and the moment she saw Mr. Collins holding a gun, she covered her eyes with her hands.

There was a loud gunshot that made her ears hurt, and a yelp and whining. After a moment, the cart started moving again. Ms. Maria was crying, and Mr. Collins was cursing.

Lotte didn’t take her hands from her eyes for a while, and when she did and looked over the side of the cart, Rollo wasn’t following anymore.

  
  



	13. We Are Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire, Jamie, Fergus, Roger, Jenny, Two Moons, and Ian all continue the search for Lotte.

We rode as quickly as could be managed without wearing out the horses too soon. 

Those who were not part of a search party were staying in town to continue looking, and telegrams had been sent out to the surrounding areas to keep an eye out, and to send tracking dogs to Colorado Springs. However, my mind rebelled violently against finding Lotte still in Colorado Springs, because the possibilities of why she hadn’t been found yet in that case were too horrible to imagine. As perversed as it felt, I  _ hoped  _ Richard and Maria Collins had taken Lotte.

“We better let the horses drink,” Roger said as we neared the area where the river bent, leading it away from the road.

I sighed in frustration, but I knew he was right. It was good that Jamie and I hadn’t gone alone, as we needed people nearby to be more practical than either of us were of a mind to be.

“I got him, Mama,” Fergus said quietly, taking Flash’s reins. I sighed again, wishing I knew of a way to assuage the guilt that had been eating at him. There was no reason for the boy to blame himself, but I knew from experience that reason didn’t always matter.

“There’s a cattle ranch about eleven miles further down,” Jenny said. “It’s off the main road, but the rancher drives his herd back and forth across it to reach the stream. We can ask and see if he’s seen anything.”

“I feel like they would have to be fairly conspicuous,” Roger said. “A white man and a Mexican woman might draw looks on their own, but add a red haired child who doesn’t look a thing like either one of them?”

“We canna count on that,” Jamie said. “They could put a bonnet on her, simple as that.”

“But I can’t imagine that Lotte is just sedately going along with them,” I said. “She’s may like the Collins enough to trust them initially but soon enough she’s going to cry to come home.”

“And she won’t be quiet about her protestations,” Roger added. “She’s a fiery little thing.”

Jamie shook his head, and led his horse away to the river. “Aye, that’s what I’m afraid of.”

After a moment, I followed Jamie to the river, where he went a little away from the rest.

“What did you mean?” I asked. “Do you think Richard would do anything to her if she fought?”

Jamie heaved his shoulders in a tired shrug. “I dinna ken, Sassenach. But if were tae come down to he and his wife being caught, I worry that Lotte might become collateral damage.”

I put my hands on his arm, leaning my head against his shoulder, trying to give strength even as I took it from him.

We both jumped when, all of a sudden, Gideon flung his head, whinnying nervously.

“What’s th’ matter wi’ ye?” Jamie murmured. 

The other horses had caught on, and were flinching in fear.

“What is it?” I asked Jamie.

“A predator, no doubt,” he said calmly. “Mountain lion, maybe, or wolf. We probably ought tae move on.”

But then he watched Gideon’s ears flick to and fro, and a strange look came over his face.

Before I could ask him what he was thinking, Jamie put his thumb and middle finger to his lips and whistled loudly.

Everyone froze, holding their skittish horses still, listening.

Jamie whistled again, and then a high whine was our only warning before a familiar gray form emerged slowly from the brush.

“Rollo!” Fergus exclaimed as Jamie rushed to his wolf’s side.

“Where have ye been, Rollo? Where is...Sassenach, get over here.”

I hurried to kneel beside Jamie, the hope I’d felt at the sight of Rollo quickly dashed when I could see the shape of him.

Blood flowed freely from his shoulder and down his left foreleg, matting into his thick gray fur. He was panting heavily, shaking, and blood trickled from his mouth as well, though whether it was from licking his own wound or something else, I couldn’t be sure.

“He’s been shot,” Jamie said grimly. “He must have attacked them.”

I gently pushed back the matted fur, trying to see where the bullet went in. “Jamie, this is a fairly recent wound. It couldn’t have happened more than a few hours ago.”

“Then we have tae hurry,” Jamie said, framing the wolf’s large head between his hands, stroking his ears comfortingly. “Can ye take us tae her, lad. I ken you’re hurting, but where is Lotte?”

Rollo whined pitifully, and made like he was going to head in the direction of the road, but he could only limp slowly.

“He cannot go any farther,” Two Moons said.

Jamie’s eyes were red as he knelt again beside his old friend. “Ye’ve done well,  _ mo caraidh.  _ I ken ye tried your best tae protect her. Thank ye.”

“W...we can’t leave him here,” Fergus said. “Someone has to take him back to town.”

Jamie shook his head. “No, lad. We haven’a th’ time, and your horse would never carry a bleeding wolf on her back. I canna even trust that you or anyone else could tend him wi’out being bit.”

I watched as Jamie, his face contorted in pain, went to his horse, wondering if he could really bear to simply leave his beloved pet behind to die. When he withdrew his gun from its holster, my heart plummeted. 

“Jamie…”

Jamie shook his head, warding me off with a shaking hand. “I’ll no’ let him suffer, Sassenach. He doesn’a deserve that.”

“Da, no!” Fergus cried, but Jenny grabbed both he and Young Ian by the arms and started pulling them away.

Two Moons rested a hand on Jamie’s shoulder. “Let me do it, brother.”

Jamie shook his head. “No. He’s mine, it should be me.”

While I understood Jamie’s reasoning perfectly, my heart was breaking. Both for my husband who had depended on Rollo’s companionship when he had lost everything, but also for the wolf himself, when I looked down at his calm, trusting eyes. I could almost swear that Rollo knew what was going on, and he accepted it.

“Jamie, wait, no...let me tend him. He could very well survive!”

“We canna take him with us,” he said, checking that the gun was loaded. “And I won’t leave him tae be prey to something else. Roger, take Claire back tae th’ road.”

Roger grabbed my arm, but I snatched it away from him. “Jamie, please! Let me try! If I remove the bullet and bandage his wound, you can tell him to go home and he’ll go! It’s not that far!”

Jamie shook his head again, taking aim. “We don’t have time.”

I closed my eyes, unwilling to watch.

But after a moment, there was still no gunshot. When I opened my eyes again, Jamie was still standing there, aiming his gun at Rollo’s head.

I broke away from Roger and ran to Jamie’s side, pushing his shaking hand down. 

“Damn me, I canna do it,” he hissed, swallowing thickly. “Ian will have to.”

“Take Ian and Roger and go after the Collins,” I said. “I’ll take care of Rollo and send him home and then catch up with you.”

After a long beat, Jamie finally took a deep breath and nodded. “If ye canna fix him up well enough tae make it home, ye willn’a leave him to suffer?”

“I won’t, I promise,” I said. “If nothing else, I can give him enough laudanum to put him down painlessly. Now, please, hurry.”

Jamie nodded, gave me one last look, then leapt onto his horse’s back, riding away without a backward glance, Roger and Two Moons close behind.

I called for Jenny, Fergus, and Ian as I stroked Rollo’s massive head, murmuring nonsense words of comfort to him.

“Can you really save him, Mama?” Fergus asked.

“I’ll try,” I said. “But I need you to fashion some sort of muzzle for him.”

“He would never bite you.”

I looked up at him. “He’s a very special wolf, Fergus, but he’s  _ still  _ a wolf, and sometimes animals don’t know what they’re doing when they’re in pain. They’re no different than people in that way. Ian, could you get my medical kit?” 

“I have it here, Auntie,” he said, handing it to me. “Tell me whatever else you need. I help Rachel at times, so I still remember what to do.”

I coaxed Rollo into lying down as Fergus reappeared with a length of rope that he tied in a slip knot around Rollo’s muzzle, then he sat back holding the other end. As long as Rollo remained calm, the rope wouldn’t cause him discomfort, but Fergus would be able to pull the loop tight if he became aggressive. 

I briefly examined his mouth, but the blood wasn’t coming from inside. In fact, from the way it stained his teeth, it indicated that it may have come from a bite.

“You really did try to protect her, didn’t you?” I asked. “You’re going to be alright, Rollo.”

The bullet had entered Rollo at an angle that suggested close range, but a wild shot. It wasn’t deep, but he’d lost a considerable amount of blood. 

Though I was anxious to be back on the road and catch up to Jamie, the methodical process of doctoring the wolf helped my mind clear itself more than it had in over a day. I didn’t want to risk giving him laudanum in his condition, not knowing whether it was even suitable for wolves but also not wanting him to be drugged when we left him. However, despite how much pain I knew he had to be in, not once did he do more than flinch as I removed the bullet and quickly sewed up the wound.

All the while, I still debated with myself whether or not it would be kinder to put him down. I could give him a lethal amount of laudanum, and let him drift off peacefully, but it just felt so unfair to not at least give him a fighting chance. If for nothing else, Lotte would want him to have it.

“There you are, boy,” I said, removing the rope from around his snout. “The rest is up to you. Go home, Rollo.  _ Dhachaigh _ .”

I stood up, and we turned to go, and Rollo whined, beginning to follow.

“No,” Fergus said firmly. “ _ Home _ , Rollo. Go to Brianna.”

Rollo’s ears perked in understanding, but he still didn’t move.

“Come on,” I said. “He may need to rest. We’ve done all we can.”

“Please, Rollo,” Fergus tried again. “Please go home.”

At last, Rollo stood on shaky legs, and turned to go the other direction. I sent up a quick prayer that the old wolf would be waiting on our porch when we returned home, with Lotte.

~~~

Jamie put Rollo from his mind as he urged Gideon to go faster. If Claire was right...and when was she ever wrong? Whoever had shot Rollo had not but a couple of hours on them, though there was no way of telling how fast they were traveling.

They reached Cañon City by midday, and were immediately on the lookout.

“Split up,” Jamie said. “Ask around.”

Roger and Ian took off in separate directions, and from his jacket pocket, Jamie withdrew the small photograph of Lotte he’d brought from home.

The portrait was old; she’d been two years old at the time, and he wished sorely that there was color so that one could see the shade of her hair, but it was better than nothing.

He went first into a tavern, thinking it would hold the highest concentration of men who worked all around town.

“What can I get you?” The barkeep asked in a bored tone.

“Whisky, if ye please,” Jamie said, wishing for something to settle his nerves as well as wanting to appear cordial to better receive answers.

When the barkeep returned with his glass, Jamie showed him the photograph. “Have ye by chance seen this lass? She’s my daughter, ken, and we believe she was taken from our home in Colorado Springs by a couple who may be headed south.”

The barkeep peered carefully at the picture. “No, sorry, haven’t seen her.”

“Thank ye,” Jamie murmured, throwing back his whisky before asking the other patrons, all of whom shook their heads no.

Frustrated, he went back out into the street, asking anybody he saw. A few of the women tutted in sympathy, but if Lotte had been in town at all, no one had taken notice.

“Jamie!” Roger called, trotting across the street toward him. Beside him, was a young boy.

“This kid thinks he saw something,” Roger said without preamble. “Go on, tell him what you told me.”

The boy peered up at Jamie with big, dark eyes that glistened shrewdly. Jamie took in the state of the child’s clothes, and his shoeless feet, and pulled a quarter from his pocket.

“Yours,” he said. “If ye tell us everything ye know. No lying.”

The boy’s eyes widened. “I saw a girl,” he said. “She was kickin’ and screamin’ that she wanted to go home. My boss said,  _ ‘that child needs a switch to her behind.’ _ Her folks went into the mercantile, and then they left.”

Jamie knelt down, showing the boy the photograph. “Did th’ girl look like th’ one in this portrait, only older?”

The boy peered at the picture. “Maybe. I didn’t get that close to her. She had hair like yours though.”

“What about the couple?” Roger asked. “Anything notable about them? Do you remember what they looked like?”

“He was a white man,” the boy said. “She wasn’t. Her skin was dark, but not like mine,” he extended his own deep brown arm.

“That’s them,” Roger said. “It has to be!”

“How long ago did they leave town?” Jamie asked urgently.

The boy shrugged one shoulder. “Been a while. Saw them comin’ and goin’ on my way into work this morning, and now I’m headed home.”

An entire day. Hope warred with dismay as he withdrew a second quarter and pressed both into the boy’s eager hand. He’d missed them by a day, but at least now they had more reason to believe that they were even on the right track. He didn’t doubt the boy’s observations for a moment, knowing how children can pick up on things that adults sometimes don’t. 

“Let’s go see if we can find rooms for th’ night and wait for Claire and th’ others,” Jamie said resignedly. “We need tae rest and eat if we’re tae continue on.”

“Do you still think they’re heading south?” Roger asked.

“I do. We have tae just hope that we can travel faster than they, and catch up tae them.”

Roger hummed, thinking. “You go see about the rooms, I’m gonna go to the telegraph office. Maybe if we can get a wire to the neighboring towns to be on the lookout for them, someone will spot them and detain them.”

Jamie nodded. “Aye, good idea. I’ll find Ian and meet ye there.”

“So we’re on the right track,” Claire said when they found them later that evening at the inn. She’d reported to him that Rollo had been left looking relatively well, and Jamie was comforted by the fact that his old friend at least had a chance at survival. He still missed having him at his side, but he was glad that Claire hadn’t allowed him to put Rollo down.

“Aye,” Jamie said, rubbing his hands up and down her shoulders. “We were right about th’ Collins it seems. Th’ boy said himself that it was a white man and darker-skinned woman wi’ a red haired lass. It could only be them. Roger has sent wires to all th’ towns from here tae Durango. Before long, th’ entire region will know.”

Claire nodded, folding her arms around herself. Jamie pulled her to him, burying his nose in her hair. “We’ll leave at first light,” he said.

“But first,” Jenny said. “You both need a hot meal in you and a full night’s sleep. You won’t be a lick of good to Lotte if you don’t take care of yourselves, first.”

“Jenny’s right, Sassenach,” he said, kissing the top of her head. It willn’a be long now until we have our lass home wi’ us.”

~~~

We rode hard for many days, stopping only to sleep and eat when we had to.

My own sleep came in fits and bursts, though I could scarcely go an hour before a nightmare would waken me, and I would look around in panic for my daughter, only to have the crushing reminder that she wasn’t there.

Jamie wasn’t much better, I knew, but he was strict in making sure I at least tried to keep myself well nourished and rested.

In every town or community we found, we’d ask everyone we saw after Lotte and the Collins. Eventually we found that word had beat us, and folk knew already that there were frantic parents on the search for their young child. 

I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, or not. It was nice knowing that people cared, and were keeping an eye out, but it also meant that the Collins could get wind of it and potentially stop entering towns.

Jamie, Fergus, and I went straight to the nearest inn when we reached the town, while the rest went to the taverns and shops. 

“Sorry, laddie,” the innkeeper said, giving the portrait a good look. “Haven’a seen anyone tha’ looks like ye described.”

“Thank ye,” Jamie said. “We may need a few rooms for th’ night though, if ye have them.”

“Pardon me…”

Behind us was a tall, heavily mustached man with a golden sheriff's star pinned to his shirt. “I couldn’t help but overhear,” he continued. “Are you the folks who reported a kidnapped child?”

“Yes!” I said quickly. “Have you heard anything?!”

The sheriff grimaced, and my heart sank. “Unfortunately, ma’am, I received the telegram a day late. A couple and their child, matching the descriptions given, were sold train tickets yesterday morning. They left on the 8 o’clock.”

“Do you know where they were headed?” Jamie demanded.

“The ticket clerk said they bought three one-way tickets to Mexico City.”

“My God…” I whispered. “Jamie…”

“It’s alright, Sassenach,” he said, grabbing my hand. “We’ll simply go there and bring her back.”

“Sir, it may not be that easy,” the sheriff said. “I’ve already wired a sheriff there, but if Mrs. Collins is a Mexican citizen, she could seek asylum across the border.”

“I dinna give a rat’s arse what she does!” Jamie exclaimed. “She’s taken  _ my  _ daughter. Being in another country doesn’a change that!”

“I’m only saying you’re not likely to receive much help from the law there if you go in guns blazing. You don’t know what kind of connections Mrs. Collins have, if there are people who will hide them. I think the safest bet is to bide your time, get into contact with some diplomats…”

“Do you have children, Sheriff…” I peered at his badge. “Fowler?”

“Erm...no, ma’am. I haven’t settled down just yet, myself.”

I crossed my arms, fixing my eyes firmly on his. “Then you can’t possibly understand that there is simply no way my husband and I are going to sit here,  _ biding our time _ while other people try and  _ negotiate  _ the return of our own child. Is there some reason...legally speaking, that we will not be able to cross the border?”

Sheriff Fowler looked flustered as he glanced at Jamie, as if expecting him to scold me for talking as I was. When Jamie didn’t, he stammered a response. “No ma’am. But there’s some dangerous lands out there, dangerous people,” he looked to Jamie. “Surely, sir, a lady shouldn’t…”

“Dinna fash, lad,” Jamie interrupted, patting the Sheriff’s shoulder as we moved past him. “She’s no’ a lady.”

We met the others at an outdoor cafe near the inn, and told them what we’d learned. 

“An imaginary line,” Two Moons said. “That is what I’ve heard my people call the border. There were once tribes whose people spread out across these lands, but the white men are who drew the lines in the sand.”

“The sheriff wasn’t wrong about the possibility of running into trouble,” I said. “I visited Mexico City once with my uncle, years ago. Granted, this was before their war with France, but Lamb and I had to stay near armed guards the entire time. The roads in and out of the towns were rife with bandits, but the police forces put into place to control them were sometimes known to be worse. I doubt we, as outsiders, will get any answers from anyone, particularly if the Collins have family there to hide them.”

“We we certainly willn’a get any answers unless we go there and try,” Jamie said. “I’ll go now and buy th’ tickets. Th’ question I have is...who would come wi’ us?”

“I’m coming,” Roger said. “I already promised I’d help find Lotte. I’m not turning back  _ now _ .”

“Me too!” Fergus said.

“You have to think about this, though,” I said. “We don’t know how long this may take, or what we may have to do to bring Lotte back. Ian, you have a wife and newborn baby back home, and Jenny, you have your ranch. You all have lives to get back to and Jamie and I can’t ask you to put everything on hold.

“You weren’t asking us,” Ian said. “We offered.”

“That’s right,” Jenny agreed. “We are, after all, family.”

“I may not be family,” Roger said. “But I love that little girl. I’m not going back without her.” Two Moons nodded in agreement.

Jamie took my hand and squeezed it, and I gave them all a watery smile.

“Thank ye,” Jamie said. “All of ye. Truly.”

I wired Colorado Springs at once, to give them an update. I then wrote a more detailed letter to Brianna, pleading with her not to hold off on school. I didn’t know if she’d listen, but I had to try. 

I wrote another letter for William, and took the ones Ian and Roger had written to Rachel and Brianna and mailed them all. 

Our previous inn stays had seen Jamie and I sharing a room with either Fergus or Jenny, as accommodations had been scarce. That night, the inn wasn’t very full, so Jamie and I had a room to ourselves.

We laid in bed, Jamie wrapped around me from behind. In my arms I held Mac, toying with its ear.

“She doesn’t sleep well without her bunny,” I whispered.

“I know,” Jamie said. “It’s good ye brought it, so that she can have it back right away when we find her.”

“Sometimes she gets a bellyache at night, and I give her warm water with honey. I’ve never told her what it was, though, so she might not know how to ask for it.”

“What Maria has done is verra wrong,” Jamie said. “But I dinna think she’s a cruel woman, Sassenach. I think she’s trying tae replace th’ child she lost.”

“But why  _ my  _ child?” I cried. “Why did she have to fixate on Lotte?”

“Because Lotte is a special lass. She spreads light and love wherever she goes. She’s also brave,  _ mo cridhe _ , and canny, and strong. She’s going tae be just fine.”

“She has to,” I said, digging my fingers into his arm. “I can’t go back without her, Jamie. I can’t. I’m not strong enough.”

“Oh, Sassenach,” he whispered, kissing the back of my neck. “Ye are th’ single strongest person I have ever known. But ye willn’a have tae go home without her. I’m going tae give our child back tae ye,  _ Sorcha _ . Or die trying.”

“Don’t say that,” I said, rolling onto my back. “I can’t go without you, either.”

“Then I suppose we’ll just have tae all go home together then.”

Jamie kissed me, then gently took Mac from my hands and placed him on the nightstand. 

As Jamie made love to me, it wasn’t about pleasure or passion. It was simply the best way we knew to be as close to one another as possible, to breathe the same air, to taste the salt of each other’s skin. To know that in that moment, we were both alive, and together. As the universe crashed down upon our heads, we still had that, and we clung to it with both hands.

  
  



	14. Mexico City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire, Jamie, and the rest arrive in Mexico on their search for Charlotte.

“Best I can do,” the stable manager said. “Wish I could pay more. These two, especially, are beautiful beasts.”

I watched with an aching heart as Jamie accepted the money offered for our horses. 

It was over a thousand miles to Mexico City. Too far, and too long on horseback, the train had no room for horses, and besides, we would need all the money we could get.

I stroked Flash’s nose, tears stinging my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I whispered to him. “You’ve been such a wonderful friend.”

Not only for loving the horse, Flash had been a gift to me by my dear friend Nayawenne, before she was killed in a massacre.

Flash had always been such a smart, loving horse, and fast as his name suggested. I once won a male-dominated race on him. When riding him, I felt like I was flying.

Jamie patted Gideon’s shoulder fondly, stoically holding back his own emotion, but I knew it hurt him too, especially considering the way he’d recently left Rollo. Though ornery and nearly impossible to train, Gideon had been the only horse Jamie would even consider after the sudden death of both our old horses, Donas and Bear. 

Perhaps it was silly growing so attached to one’s horses, but we couldn’t help it.

It was almost worse seeing Fergus say goodbye to his childhood pony, Taffy. He’d saved and bought the animal himself when he was only eleven years old, but even he agreed that it was what needed to be done.

The stable manager was a kindly older gentleman, who assured us that he would see to it the horses were sold to good owners.

We used some of the money to restock our supplies, and before long, it was time to board the train for Mexico. 

Fergus sat down beside me in our car, and handed something to me.

“What’s this?” I asked, holding up the tiny figure on a string. 

“It’s Saint Anthony,” he said. “I found it at a stand just outside. Da told Lotte and me that he’s the patron saint of lost things.”

“That’s right,” Jamie said, smiling. 

I tied the leather string around my neck, then tucked the figure into my blouse. “Thank you, Fergus.”

“When we find her, you can give it to her,” he said. 

I put my arm around him, kissing the top of his head, and he leaned into me, curling into my side in a way he hadn’t done since he was probably twelve years old. 

In all my stress and worry about Lotte, I hadn’t given much thought to the fact that we were inadvertently pulling our son into a potentially dangerous situation, no matter that it was too late to back out now. He was near grown, tall and strong, but he was still a boy in many ways. I sent up a prayer to Saint Anthony, to God, to the Great Spirits, to Charlotte Cooper, and to anyone who would listen, to protect my children. 

All of them.

Stepping out of the train in Mexico City, I felt a slight sense of  _ deja vu.  _ It took me a moment to determine where that feeling came from, but then I realized that the nerve-rattling sense of stepping into an unknown land, among strangers, was the same as when I left my plush Boston life to head West.

The farther west we traveled from Colorado, the fewer cross looks Two Moons and Ian had gotten. Here, it was Jamie, Fergus, Jenny, Roger and I who got looks.

I wasn’t unfamiliar with that. Growing up I’d gone to many different countries with Uncle Lamb where being a rich white girl earned me either novel fascination or scorn, but I could tell that Roger especially was uncomfortable with the stares.

“ _ Hola, _ ” Jamie said in halting Spanish to an older gentleman pushing a vegetable cart. “... _ Policia? _ ”

The gentleman gave Jamie a gruff expression, but pointed east. 

Jamie nodded to a restaurant with a large covered outdoor seating area. “Th’ rest of ye get something tae eat and wait for us. Claire and I will try tae find someone who can help us.”

We wandered down the streets, and I mustered polite smiles for the women trying to sell me jewelry and scarves. I understood only a smattering of Spanish, but I could pick out the complimentary things they were saying in hopes of getting me to buy their admittedly beautiful wares.

In another situation, I might have liked the bustling, colorful city. It was different from what I remembered during my visit as a girl, though at that time Lamb had been mostly working in slums, helping poor people who couldn’t get to the better hospitals.

I paused momentarily in front of a little girl. She barely looked older than Lotte, perhaps six or seven, and she was sitting cross-legged against a building, selling beaded bracelets out of a little box. 

We’d traded our money at the train station for the proper currency, and I knew we didn’t have money to burn, but the way she looked at me with tired eyes inside a dirty face, I couldn’t resist. I handed her a peso, accepting the blue bracelet she selected for me with a smile. 

“Come along, Sassenach,” Jamie said, placing a hand on the small of my back to steer me along, though his expression was fond. “There are many more wee urchins about. We’ll be broke before we reach th’ police station.”

It took asking several more people before we were able to find the police station. It wasn’t anything like the sheriff offices from back home. In fact it reminded me a little of a newsroom. It was certainly as busy as one.

There was a man sitting near the entrance behind a desk, so we approached him first.

“ _ ¿Puedes ayudarnos? _ ” Jamie asked.

The man peered up at Jamie from beneath his glasses and replied in rapid-fire Spanish that I maybe caught two words of.

“I...I’m sorry…” Jamie fumbled. “I don’t…”

“Ah, American, I take it?”

We looked up, beyond the desk to see a man standing there smiling at us. 

He was young, maybe a little younger than Jamie, and handsome, with a friendly smile and warm, dark brown eyes.

“Aye,” Jamie said sheepishly. “I’m sorry tae say we dinna have much Spanish.”

The young man blinked. “I must say, your accent was surprisingly accurate, especially considering you do not sound American after all.”

“Weel, what does an American really sound like, anyway?”

“True,” he chuckled. “Forgive me, I have forgotten my manners. My name is Inspector Miguel Ángel Garcia Torres. Is there something I can help you with?”

“I’m James Fraser,” Jamie said. “And this is my wife, Dr. Claire Fraser. We’ve come all the way from Colorado in search of our daughter. She was kidnapped.”

Miguel, who’s eyes had flicked to me in surprised interest when Jamie introduced me as a doctor, went back to him in obvious concern. 

“ _ Señor _ , I am so sorry to hear that. Please, please, step into my office.”

The relief I felt that there was someone here who not only spoke English, but at least had interest, was dizzying. He led us into a small, sparsely furnished office. It was uncomfortably hot inside, even with the window open, but Miguel didn’t seem to notice.

“How long has your daughter been missing?” he asked, motioning for us to sit.

“Fifteen days,” I said. “...and six hours.”

Miguel’s face pinched in sympathy. “The person who took her...do you know them? Are they a relative?”

I shook my head. “No. They were just passing through our town when Maria went into labor. They’d only recently lost their five-year-old daughter to Scarlet Fever, and unfortunately their newborn died moments after birth. I believe they were lost in grief, and became quickly attached to our daughter. There was a...a party, in town. For me. They took her in the dead of night, when no one was paying attention.”

I held my hand out to Jamie for the photograph, then in turn handed it to Miguel. “Her name is Charlotte Faith Nayawenne Fraser. She’s four...well, she’ll be five soon. Her hair is red like my husband’s, only a little darker. Her eyes are blue.”

“She is a beautiful child,” he said. “And the man and wife who took her...their names? And what led you to believe that they took her here?”

“Richard and Maria Collins,” Jamie said. “When Charlotte disappeared, they were th’ only other ones missing. We heard in a nearby town that a pair matching their descriptions were see wi’ a lass matching our daughter’s description, and she was crying for her ma. We trailed them as far as Durango Colorado, where we learned they’d bought tickets here. So, here we are.”

“Maria was born in Mexico,” I said. “I don’t know where exactly. Her family disowned her when she married Collins. It’s possible, though, that they have attempted to return to her family here.”

Miguel nodded thoughtfully. “ _ Sì _ . It is certainly possible. I wish only that you knew her family name.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “She never told me that.”

“There canna be that many couples like them around here,” Jamie said.

Miguel shrugged. “I wouldn’t be so sure. It isn’t so uncommon for American miners to come here seeking fortune, and beautiful young wives. They do not usually find their fortunes, but young women in search of husbands with money are abundant.”

“Will you help us?” I asked him, pleaded really.

“We haven’t much money now,” Jamie said. “But I can find work, and we’ve come wi’ several companions who will do th’ same. I can also send for some from home.”

Miguel waved him off. “I am not a private investigator,  _ Señor _ Fraser. Hold on to your money for now. I don’t want to rule out the possibility of a ransom. But yes, I will help you.”

“ _ Thank  _ you,” I sighed. “Thank you so much.”

He made a face. “Do not thank me just yet,  _ Señora.  _ We have very limited manpower here, so I am afraid we will be on our own.”

“We’ll do whatever is necessary,” Jamie said. “It doesn’a matter, so long as our Charlotte is safe.”

Miguel nodded. “Of course. And you say you have companions?”

Jamie nodded. “Aye, five more of us. Our son, our friend, my sister, and my adopted brother and nephew.”

“Good,” Miguel said. “We’ll need them.”

We led Miguel back toward the restaurant where the others were waiting for us. As we walked, Miguel kept glancing at me, as if working up the nerve to say something, until finally he did.

“You are...a doctor?”

I nodded. “Yes, I am.”

It had sounded a little harsher than I’d really meant it, but then I was used to people I didn’t know either scorning me for my profession, or laughing about it.

“Forgive me, it is only I have never met a doctor who is a woman,” he said. “But I suddenly cannot imagine why. Women are generally kinder, with a more delicate touch. Why  _ shouldn’t  _ they be doctors?”

I smiled. “I’m often told it’s because I don’t have the intelligence or emotional fortitude for it.”

Jamie chuckled from where he walked a little ahead of us. “They dinna think that way for long after they get into a verbal sparring match wi’ her.”

When we reached the restaurant and met up with the others, introductions were made and we sat down to discuss our next steps.

“The best thing is to do what you already have been doing,” Miguel said. “Ask around, try and learn something about Mrs. Collins’ family. Of course I can help with translating, and I have people that can dig around as well.”

“Some of us should find work,” Jamie said. “We’ll no’ be able tae survive on what we have for long. Mr. Garcia, d’ye know of anything for me?”

“Leave the working to Fergus and I, Uncle Jamie,” Ian said. “You and Auntie Claire should focus on the search. Between us, we should be able to find enough work to support us.”

Roger nodded. “Yes, and I as well.”

Jamie gave them all a grateful nod in return.

“I was actually thinking of seeing if there’s anywhere that could use my services as a doctor,” I said. “Besides making money, I could talk to people.”

“It’s a good plan,” Miguel said. “Doctors here can be very expensive, so there are many in need. And people always talk to their doctors.”

“Will ye go wi’ her, then?” Jamie asked. “She’ll need help translating, and I’ll no’ have her go anywhere alone.”

“Of course. I’ll find out where the need is most pressing and we can go tomorrow.”

“I thought I’d visit some churches,” Roger said. “Maria buried her child with a rosary, and wore a cross necklace, so she might seek out the church once here.”

“I’ll go with you,” Jenny said. “I know a fair amount of Spanish.”

“Good,” Jamie said, standing. “We’ll start first thing in th’ morning.”

“Come,” said Miguel. “I know of a good hotel where you can stay.”

“What will you do tomorrow?” I asked Jamie as we left.

“Same as before. Taverns, businesses.”

“I’ll go with you,” said Two Moons.

Jamie shook his head. “No, I’d like ye tae stay wi’ Claire. Mr. Garcia seems a good man, but I’d rather be safe.”

“But what about  _ you _ ?” I demanded. “You think it’s safe for you to be on your own?”

Jamie smirked at me. “Ye tell me all th’ time that I can charm my way out o’ a paper bag. I may seem less threatening alone, more approachable.”

“More of a target,” I muttered.

Jamie gave me a look. “For just once, Sassenach, do as I say?”

I wanted to fire back with something scathing, but I could see the tiredness etched in Jamie’s eyes, and the worry and stress rolling off of him in waves. I knew that he considered the safety of all of us to be squarely on his shoulders, and whether or not that was true was of no consequence. So I didn’t argue, deciding that, for once, I would simply obey my husband without a fuss.

Later, when we were safe at home with all our children, I would be happy to inform him what a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence it was.

“There now,” I said, bandaging the young boy’s foot where I’d removed a sizable splinter of wood and placed a single stitch in the wound. “You were very brave.”

Miguel translated quickly, and the boy smiled, handing me a small basket of eggs before limping back to his mother.

Miguel had taken me to a poorer area of the city, where once people got word that there was a doctor offering services with no set fee, they were lining up within the hour, no matter that I was a woman.

These people didn’t have much money, and I didn’t really want to take anything from them at all, but Miguel told me that working for free might seem suspicious to some people. Like I had a hidden agenda. I  _ did  _ have one, but I could see his point, so I merely did what I did when I first started my practice in Colorado Springs, and accepted whatever they were able to give. I wouldn’t come out of it with very much extra money, but the food and supplies they offered were certainly welcome.

Two Moons had hovered nearby for a while, helping me, but eventually I told him to take Lotte’s photograph and show it around to the waiting families. 

Miguel was friendly and kind to the patients as he helped me to communicate with them, and he even offered his assistance, not even blinking in the face of lanced boils and rotted teeth.

An elderly woman with a young child were next in line. She placed the little girl in front of me, and urged her to show me the bruising on the side of her face.

“How did this happen?” I asked darkly, gently turning the girl’s head to catch the light. “This child looks like she was struck.”

“Her father,” the woman said in heavily-accented English, her face drawn and sad. “My daughter does nothing to help  _ mi nieta _ .”

I smiled at the little girl, stroking her hair. “Is there anything you can do?” I asked Miguel.

Miguel sighed. “I can go to their house, make threats...but there’s little that can actually be done. A father can discipline a child as he sees fit. No matter how  _ unfit  _ we know it to be.”

I pulled the girl into my lap, surprised when she cuddled into me immediately. It caused my heart to make a painful lurch, feeling the warm weight of a small girl against me, but I swallowed the lump in my throat and went to work. I wet a cloth, and dabbed it lightly on the bruises as I carefully prodded along the rest of her body, looking for more injuries.

“You are mother?” The child’s grandmother asked.

“Yes,” I said. “My youngest daughter isn’t much older than your granddaughter.”

Miguel spoke in Spanish, explaining Lotte’s disappearance to the woman, and her eyes softened in dismay. “I am so sorry,  _ Señora _ . I pray your daughter is returned.”

I smiled in thanks, then kissed the child’s head. “If there’s any way you can take her out of her parents’ house, please do it.”

She sighed, taking her granddaughter from my arms. “I will try…” she paused in thought, then spoke to Miguel in Spanish. 

“She asks your daughter’s name,” Miguel said. “So that she may remember her in her prayers.”

“Charlotte,” I replied. “We call her Lotte. What is your granddaughter’s name? I’d like to pray for her, as well.”

The old woman stood, cradling her granddaughter. “Gabriela,” she said. 

I waved at Gabriela as they left, then felt my shoulders fall. “What sort of god allows this?” I wondered aloud to no one in particular. “He allows a child from a happy, loving home to be taken away, and yet nothing can be done for a child trapped in a home where she’s abused?”

“I wish I had an answer for that,” Miguel said. “I see it every day. Children in pain, frightened, unwanted. Their mothers beaten. And the men walk free, allowed to do it again and again. And yet, when a man yearns for a wife and family to love, they’re cruelly taken away.”

I looked to Miguel in surprise, but his eyes had taken on a faraway look. 

“My little Juanita was four when God took her. Emilia, she tried...and I tried so hard for her...but she could not stand it,” Miguel met my eyes again, and suddenly he looked so much older. “She took her own life a year later. So you see,  _ Señora  _ Fraser, I simply could not stand by without at least trying to help return your little one to your arms. No one should suffer what I have.”

“No, they shouldn’t,” I agreed. “I’m so very sorry, Mr. Garcia.”

“Please, call me Miguel,” he said, releasing a breath as he stood.

“Only if you’ll call me Claire,” I replied.

Miguel smiled warmly. “Claire. You’re a woman of many names, I think. I’ve heard Dr. B, Sas...Sas…”

I chuckled, accepting his hand when he offered to help me up. “Dr. B. is a nickname from back home, from my maiden name, Beauchamp. But Sassenach is who I am only to my husband. Would you like to know my  _ favorite  _ name that I’m known by?”

“Of course,” he said. 

“Mama.”

~~~

Jamie walked into the small, dimly lit tavern, ignoring the looks shot his way. He was no stranger to being an unwelcome intruder, having spent years treated with similar distrust and disdain because of the way he dressed like a Cheyenne, and spent all his time among them. He learned long ago that the best thing to do was act like you were simply above all of it.

Someone nearby muttered something about a  _ gringo,  _ but Jamie ignored that, too, simply taking a seat at the bar and waiting patiently for the barkeep to see him.

“ _ I’ve seen you around the city,”  _ a man said in Spanish as he took a seat near Jamie. “ _ Something you’re looking for?” _

“ _ My daughter,”  _ Jamie replied carefully. His Spanish was nominal, but it was gradually coming back to him. “ _ She was taken from my wife and I. We’ve come to find her, and take her home.” _

“ _ You should be careful,”  _ he said, taking a slow sip of his beer. “ _ There are those here who might not appreciate the way you are poking around where you do not belong, asking questions.” _

Jamie sneered at him. “I dinna give a...a  _ maldito  _ rat’s arse about anyone’s business except where it applies tae my daughter.”

The man chuckled. “ _ I am only offering friendly advice. The Maldonado family will not take kindly to you meddling with their own _ .”

Jamie thought that it was likely anything but a  _ friendly  _ warning, but then his words caught up to Jamie and he froze. “ _ Wait _ ,  _ what did you say? Who are the Maldonados?” _

The man smirked, tapped the side of his nose, finished his beer, and walked out. 

“Maldonado,” Jamie murmured. Forget the  _ warning _ . It seemed there were more questions needing to be asked.

“The Maldonados?” Miguel said when Jamie returned to the hotel and met up with him, Ian, and Claire. “Did he say anything else?

“Only that I dinna want tae be meddling in their affairs,” Jamie said. “D’ye ken th’ name?”

“Well, yes, of course. They’re a large, very prominent family. The patriarch of the family,  _ Don  _ Antonio Garza Maldonado is one of the few main investors of the railroad that isn’t foriegn. He is quite influential, and many of his dealings are...unsavory, to say the least, but he’s untouchable.”

“So then why did this man warn Jamie about them?” Claire asked. “All Jamie’s done is what we’ve all done, ask about Charlotte.”

“Unless he did us a favor, and answered our question about Maria Collins’ family,” Jamie said. “Our first thought was that they may have fled to be with her family. If the Maldonados  _ are _ her family…”

“Then this is bad, very bad,” Miguel said. “I’ll do some digging. There could be any number of Maldonados named Maria, but the family is well known for liking to keep their bloodlines “pure.” If a Maldonado girl married a  _ gringo _ , there would have been talk.”

Jamie looked to Claire, his gut twisting. This was all becoming so much more than simple search and rescue. But he didn’t care. He would do whatever it took to get Lotte back, and see her, Claire, Fergus, and the others home safe. 

_ Whatever  _ it took.

  
  
  



	15. Five Months

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into what has been happening with Fergus, Ian, Roger, Jenny, and Two Moons.

Fergus brushed the sweaty hair out of his eyes, hurrying around the busy passerby, the cask on his shoulder straining his back.

He banged a fist on the wooden door, waiting impatiently for it to open.

“ _ You’re late,”  _ the pudgy, foul-smelling  _ camarero _ regarded him with disdain.

“Better late than never,” Fergus said with mocking cheer. “Do you want it, or not?”

The barkeep snorted, then held out a handful of coins. Fergus sneered. “ _ No. Not enough _ ,” he said, switching to Spanish.

“ _ You’re late,”  _ the  _ camarero  _ repeated.

Fergus shrugged, though his muscles screamed in effort of holding up the cask. “Oh, well. I’m sure there are others who will pay the asking price.”

Fergus turned to go, and the barkeep barked at him to come back. He handed Fergus the money, took the cask with annoying ease, and then pulled a slip of paper out of his pocket and gave that to Fergus too.

Fergus walked away, squinting at the writing. He’d have to let Ian take a look at it, as he was better with Spanish than Fergus was, but from what he could tell, it was another “ _ job _ .”

On the surface, the work he and Ian had found, ferrying food and alcohol between businesses and homes along with occasional messages, was perfectly on the up-and-up and decent money, and it was what they told their parents they were doing.

But over the past five months, they’d begun to be tasked with  _ other  _ things by the tavern owners, freight merchants, and railroad barons.

The first time Fergus was asked to take an accounting book from a busy freight manager, his wame had tumbled in anxiety and guilt. The second time, the guilt had lessened. The third time, the guilt returned when he realized he was  _ good  _ at stealing.

Ian rationalized that they needed money, full stop, and the good money came from the less honest dealings. But what was more, they were finding that the further they went into the seedier dealings on the city, the more they learned about the Maldonado family.

Apparently the family had their hands in practically everything, and it was actually Fergus himself who’d heard that the Maldonados were celebrating the return of a prodigal daughter. His parents were thrilled with him for learning that tidbit, though he’d felt terrible for lying and saying he’d simply overheard it on the street.

Ian had far fewer scruples about what they did. He assured Fergus that, in the end, Jamie wouldn’t care what he did if it led to the rescue of Lotte. That as a father himself, he could well understand the lengths a father may go to protect his child.

Ian’s darker skin made him blend in better in the city, and far from being scorned for his tattoos, people instead gave him a respectably wide-berth. Fergus was more out of place, but being in Ian’s intimidating company had given him a modicum of respect himself.

Fergus went to where he and Ian normally met up during the day, behind a row of workhouses. 

Ian was already there, leaning against the back stairs. “How did it go?” he asked around the cigarette in his mouth.

“He paid the full amount, at least,” Fergus said, tossing the bag of coins to his friend. “After a bit of bullshitting. He also gave me another job, but you try to read it. I can’t even make out the handwriting.”

Ian took the cigarette out of his mouth, and traded Fergus for the sheet of paper. While Fergus took a long draw on the cigarette, Ian tried to make heads or tails of the message.

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ…” Ian breathed. “Do you know what this says?!”

“I already told you, no. Why, what is it?”

“Fernando Maldonado,” Ian said. “I think he’s the great-nephew of Antonio. He’s the owner of that tavern you delivered to.”

Fergus’s jaw dropped. “Well...what does it say?! What does he want?”

Ian chuckled. “He suspects his wife of being unfaithful, and wants someone to find out if it's true.”

Fergus wrinkled his nose. “Well...spying? I guess that’s not so bad. I could do that.”

Ian gave him a knowing look and shook his head. “Not exactly. He wants someone to try and  _ woo  _ her. And if you’re successful, you report back to Fernando directly.”

Fergus blinked a moment, letting all those pieces click together. “Wait... _ woo  _ her? Like...as in...is he out of his mind?! Why would I do that?! I  _ can’t  _ do that!”

“Will you shut up?!” Ian hissed, slugging his arm. “You want the whole city to hear you? Do you not understand what this means? You’d be going into the  _ home  _ of a Maldonado. And you  _ know  _ what they say about bedroom talk…”

Fergus wanted to retch. “No, actually I  _ don’t  _ know. You should do it.”

Ian gave him an affronted look. “I’m a married man! Look, you probably wouldn’t actually have to  _ bed  _ the woman, you just need to know how easily she’s willing, to be able to report back to Fernando. Besides, he picked you for a reason, and I’m guessing it has to do with your big blue eyes and pretty face, and knowing he can kill you if you’re  _ too  _ successful with his wife.”

Fergus glared at Ian for that last comment, but thought on it a moment. He thought he’d seen the owner’s wife before. She was very pretty, with full red lips and  _ enormous  _ breasts. But then he tried to imagine himself in the role of seductor and shuddered. 

“I can’t, Ian. I’ll fuck it up. It’s too important. What about Roger? He has the right looks.”

“He’s a  _ minister _ , Fergus. Plus, Uncle Jamie would have his head...or his cock...if he found out, since Roger’s supposed to be courting Brianna.”

“Da would have  _ my  _ cock if he found out! To say nothing of Ma!”

Ian grabbed Fergus’s shoulder. “If there’s even a ghost of a chance that this woman could know something about Lotte’s whereabouts, don’t you think it’s worth the risk?”

Fergus bit the inside of his cheek, considering. Ian was right, of course. Whatever it took to find Lotte would be worth the cost. But the problem was he genuinely didn’t think he  _ could _ . 

“I’ve never…” he hesitated, flushing. “You know.” 

Ian blinked, then patted him on the back. “That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Easy for you to say, you’d already...when you were younger than me!”

Ian waved a dismissive hand. “As I said, you  _ probably  _ won’t have to actually make love to the woman…”

“ _ Probably?!” _

“...but you’ll need a bit more confidence. Some practice! Auntie does always say that practice makes perfect.”

Fergus glared at him “I  _ don’t  _ think this is what she had in mind.”

“No matter! Come with me, I have just the thing.”

Fergus groaned, but followed his friend. He had no idea what his plan was, but Fergus trusted him...theoretically.

~~~

Roger stood before the altar, admiring the ornate stained glass window which let in beams of rainbow colored sunlight. 

Even though he was a Presbyterian minister, the small Catholic sanctuary was peaceful, and a good place for Roger to clear his mind. 

He didn’t believe God minded where he prayed, and no matter the religion, a church was a church, and as good a place to talk with God as any. 

They’d been in Mexico City for about five months, and since learning Maria Collins’ family name, they were no closer to learning Lotte’s whereabouts. 

Claire and Jamie had become shells of themselves. They barely ate, barely slept, ran purely on sheer willpower and their classic stubbornness. The worst part was Roger didn’t see them talk to one another much, except to exchange news. Jamie spent all night every night combing the streets, talking with anyone who would speak to him. He’d come back to the hotel more than once with bloodied knuckles, and not even Claire seemed inclined to question him on it, at least not in front of the others. But then, Roger couldn’t imagine when they would have time to talk, for while Jamie was sleeping through the day, Claire was at least keeping to more normal pursuits for her.

Nearly every day, she went with Inspector Garcia to treat patients in the poorer areas of the city, all in hopes of finding someone, anyone, who knew something.

Roger wasn’t entirely certain what Jenny and Two Moons did during the day, and the only reason he knew what they did at night was because Two Moons was ostensibly sharing a room with him...but Roger was almost always on his own…that and he shared a wall with Jenny’s room.

It was the boys who were perhaps most worrisome. They’d gotten jobs making deliveries, but Roger had several suspicions that that wasn’t  _ all  _ they were doing. He didn’t know Young Ian that well, but he knew Fergus, and he hated how the bright, cheerful boy had become serious and hard. The loss of his baby sister had been perhaps hardest on him of all the siblings, and Roger hurt for him.

Roger took the letter he’d received the day before and opened it, reading it for maybe the twelfth time.

He missed Brianna, dreadfully. She’d barely been home from school any time at all before Roger had to leave, and now, according to her letter, she was considering following through on her mother’s request to return to school - at least until she received word that they were on their way home with Lotte.

She was debating about it, as she’d been helping Rachel to care for baby Rain while Rachel ran the clinic. Roger wanted to write her back, tell her that there were others in town who could help Rachel, and that she should finish what she’d started, but he knew by the time she received his letter, her decision would have been made already, and most likely already followed through with.

He folded up the letter and returned it to his pocket, then closed his eyes, repeating the same prayer for Lotte, and all of the Frasers, that he’d been praying for close to months now. 

But this time, he said an additional prayer, that Brianna would go back to school, become an engineer, and if she still wanted him when Roger got home, he would stop worrying and dragging his feet and ask her to marry him the moment he saw her again. 

And hope she said yes.

~~~

Jenny stood out on the balcony of her room, watching the sun set over the buildings. 

A warm hand touched the small of her back, gently rubbed her there, and then a kiss was pressed to the side of her neck.

“It’s rather nice here, is it not?” Ian asked, wrapping his arms around her middle. “Where no one seems to care who other people spend their time with? I’m beginning to really understand why my son and Rachel had to leave Colorado.”

“So do I,” Jenny said, leaning back against him. “But when you’re young like they are, it’s a lot easier to just pick up and go.”

Ian moved her so that he could see her face. “Jenny, I did not mean...I wasn’t asking you to…”

Jenny leaned up on tiptoe and kissed him lightly. “I know you weren’t. But that’s just it, it  _ is  _ nice. The anonymity. But Ian, I worked  _ so  _ hard for my herd, my ranch, my home.”

“Things that are waiting for you as we speak,” Ian said lowly.

She nodded. “I’m not saying I’m wanting to leave. I’ll stay as long as it takes, it’s just...I don’t want to sound like I’m losing hope but…”

“But how long is too long?” Ian finished for her.

She sighed, leaning against him again. “Jamie and Claire are never going to stop. Never. But what happens to them if Lotte is  _ never  _ found? What happens to Fergus? They don’t even realize what all this is doing to them, to say nothing of Bree and Willie. They may be adults, but they need them too. All of this started with a man and woman lost in grief, and now it’s like the cycle is just continuing.”

Ian sighed. “We just have to have hope that she’ll be found...for all our sakes.”

“ _ And _ …” she continued, biting her lip. “There is another...concern.”

This time Ian released her, coming around to face her. “What? Is there something wrong,  _ hemé’oono _ ?”

Jenny took a deep, fortifying breath, then she took Ian’s hand, pressing a kiss to his palm before settling over the barely-there rounding of her stomach.

For just a moment, it didn’t click with Ian, and Jenny smiled in amusement as the gears in his head turned. Then at once his jaw dropped and his eyes widened. “Y...you’re…?”

Jenny nodded, her eyes stinging. “Yes.”

She’d been steeling herself for his dismay, for the litany of reasons why  _ everything  _ about this was wrong; the timing, the place, their relationship. But instead, Ian let out a piercing  _ whoop  _ and swung her into the air, laughing with joy.

“You’re happy?” she asked in genuine surprise, laughing along with him.

“Happy?” he asked, and her heart warmed at the sight of tears in his eyes. “Oh Jenny...I have not felt this happy in a very,  _ very  _ long time.”

“But...but what do we  _ do _ ? We can’t even get married.”

He frowned. “Well, why not? My people need only to promise themselves to one another to be considered husband and wife, and we have done that already. But if you would like to marry, Roger could do it for us.”

“Do you think he would...considering?”

Ian kissed her forehead. “He is our friend, and a good man. Besides, Brianna would be cross with him if he did not. How...how long?”

Jenny touched her belly, imagining the life growing inside, wondering who they were. When she first made the realization, she’d been petrified. Life for an Indian was a hard thing in these days, and if this child looked like their father, it wouldn’t matter to the eyes of everyone else that his mother is white. Young Ian was proof of that.

But at the same time, she loved the little glimmer of life within her with every fiber of her being, to hell with the troubles or dangers. Seeing Ian’s happiness only solidified her feelings. 

“About five months along, I think.” she said.

“Have you spoken with Claire?”

She shook her head. “I only just made the realization myself recently. With everything going on, I didn’t even notice that I hadn’t gotten my courses lately. I can’t talk to Claire about it now, not with everything she’s going through.”

“She’ll want to know, Jenny. She’ll want to examine you.”

“But…”

“No buts,” Ian said, more firmly than she’d ever heard him before. She was a little compelled by the chills it gave her. “We will speak to Claire at once. And then…” he kissed her again, but more deeply. “Then we will speak with Roger.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the lack of Jamie and Claire in this chapter, and I KNOW it’s so angsty right now! But I’ll be updating this again very soon!


	16. To Have and to Hold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jenny and Ian get married, and Claire tries to reach out to Jamie.

“It’s incredible.”

“What is?” I asked without looking up from my work. “The leeches?”

A man had had his arm nearly crushed inside the train engine. Miraculously, he’d gotten off with nothing but some impressive swelling and bruising. My medical supplies were limited, and I was carefully rationing my medications, using them only where absolutely needed all while saving some in case my family needed them, so I resorted as much as I could to holistic medicine. And in this case, the use of leeches to help take down the swelling and relieve some of the pain.

“No,” Miguel said, leaning over my shoulder. “The way you work. With such concentration. Such...knowledge.”

I gave him a quick smile, then returned to my business with the leeches. “Thank you. There we are,” I said as I finished wrapping gauze around where the leeches were hungrily feeding away. “Now, you’re to keep that on. The bandage will keep them from being dislodged,” I looked up at the disgust on the young man’s face and chuckled, switching to careful Spanish. “ _ And also to keep you from having to look at them _ .  _ Come back tomorrow, and I will see if they are ready to come off. _ ”

The man nodded, handed me a few pesos, then shuffled away.

“You’re Spanish is improving as well,” Miguel continued. “You may not even need me here to translate anymore.”

“Well,” I said, packing up my bag. “I like the company, either way. Besides, Jamie doesn’t like me being out in the city alone.”

“With good reason,” Miguel said, offering me his arm. “But I get the impression you are not a woman accustomed to doing as she’s told.”

“You would be correct,” I said. “But Jamie has enough on his mind without his wife being her usual reckless self. At least not now, when there’s nothing I can do.”

“What do you mean?” he asked. “You are helping people.”

“Which is all fine and good, and likely the only thing keeping me sane at this point. But it’s done nothing to help Lotte.”

Miguel hummed, nodding. “I feel like I am failing you. It has been so long, and nothing.”

I reached over and patted his arm. “You’ve been a great help, Miguel. I don’t know what we would have done without someone on our side who understands the people here, the culture. And you’ve been a very good friend.”

The past five months and three days had been the longest of my life. I was getting on by going through the motions of healing, the practical and methodical nature of it the only thing that could distract me anymore.

I barely saw Jamie, and I didn’t like thinking about what he was doing all night, every night, prowling the seedier parts of the city and coming to bed with mysterious bruises and reeking of alcohol, smoke, and cheap perfume.

Oh, I never thought Jamie was being unfaithful, but I knew the sorts of places he must be frequenting, trying to catch any clue about Lotte, and I knew them to be the sorts of places my normally honorable and quiet husband despised.

But we didn’t talk about it. We scarcely spoke about anything at all. And it was tearing at me, making me miss him in a way I might if we were hundreds of miles apart, and not just in the same room. 

Miguel had been a godsend. He was polite, respectful, and had learned to understand me enough that he knew days when he could try and converse with me, and days when it was best just to stay silent. He’d admitted that his profession wasn’t a safe one. The Maldonados controlled most of Mexico City, if not Mexico itself, and that included a large portion of the police. If Miguel tried to reach out to his brethren for help, or even made it known exactly what he was doing, he likely wouldn’t live to see the following day. And I hated it, hated endangering another person, but if it would help me bring my daughter home, then so be it.

We made our way to the café near the hotel where we normally all tried to meet for supper. Being a little late, I was surprised to see only Roger sitting there.

“I was beginning to think I was eating alone,” he said, standing and pulling out my chair. 

“Where is everyone?” I asked.

“I saw Ian not that long ago, so he and Jenny will probably be here soon. I haven’t seen Young Ian and Fergus since this morning and Jamie...well...when  _ was  _ the last time I saw Jamie?”

“He got in early this morning but left not long after,” I said. “I’m sure he’ll be here though. But I have got to have a talk with Fergus and Young Ian. I haven’t even the slightest idea what they’ve been up to.”

“Same as all of us,” Roger said. “Trying to help. Don’t worry about it, Dr. B., I can talk to them if you like.”

“Here are Ian and Jenny,” Miguel said, as he and Roger stood for Jenny.

“Where are the others?” Jenny asked, sitting down.

“We don’t know,” I said. “What about you, are you okay? You look like you have news?”

“Not about Lotte, I’m sorry,” she said quickly, but I’d had my hope dashed so many times, it struggled to get raised at all anymore. “But we do have news…”

“Sorry we’re late,” Fergus said, as he and Ian practically crashed into chairs.

“What in God’s name have you two been up to?” Jenny demanded.

I looked at Fergus, then realized with a jolt that I hadn’t  _ really  _ looked at him in some time. He looked harried and thin, and there was the beginnings of facial hair growing on his face. When had  _ that  _ happened?

“Nothing, Auntie Jenny,” Fergus said with just a touch too much innocence. I glanced at Roger, and he returned my look, telling me silently that he’d picked up on it too.

“I heard you say you have news,” Young Ian said, reaching for a tortilla. 

Jenny and Two Moons exchanged a long look, and then he took her hand before Jenny fixed her eyes on me. “I’m with child.”

“ _ What _ ?” Young Ian exclaimed. “You... _ really _ ?”

“I know it’s...unorthodox,” Two Moons said, looking at Roger. “And you may have reservations about our relationship. But it would mean a great deal to Jenny and I if you would marry us.”

Roger smiled. “It would be my honor,” he said. “When would you like the ceremony performed?”

“Sooner better than later,” Jenny said with a nervous chuckle. It was then I became aware that everyone’s gazes were flicking periodically to me, and I realized that everyone was looking for my reaction, as if needing it to model their own.

Though the pain that was living constantly in my breast worsened slightly, I also felt a genuine happiness that I hadn’t felt in a long time. 

“I’m so happy for you, Jenny. Truly. And I think there has  _ never  _ been a better time for a wedding than right now.”

There seemed to be a collective release of breath, and Jenny beamed in relief. “I hoped you’d say that. And I hope also that you’ll be my matron of honor?”

“Of course I will.”

Jenny looked over at Young Ian then. “Well, young man? You won’t mind it too terribly much, will you?”

In answer to that, Young Ian leapt out of his chair, and might have knocked Jenny over in hers with a bear hug had it not been for Two Moons holding the chair steady.

“Congratulations...Ma,” he said.

We decided to hold the ceremony in the park near the hotel. Miguel was pleased to receive an invitation, and I went with Jenny back to her room to get ready. She didn’t have a wedding gown of course, or anything resembling one, but at least she would put on her cleanest skirt and blouse, and I could do her hair. 

“I hope Jamie gets here soon,” Jenny said as I brushed her long, black hair. 

“We’ll wait for him,” I said. “How far along are you?”

“Five months?” Jenny said. “Six at the very most. That’s when Ian and I first…and, well, I’ve never had regular courses, not since I was a girl, so I didn’t notice anything was amiss. I did bleed a little last month…”

“It can happen,” I assured her. “I’ll need to examine you. And then, Jenny...I think you and Two Moons should go home.”

Jenny spun around on the stool. “What?”

I sighed and gave her a patient look. “Jenny, think about it. It won’t be long until it won’t be safe for you to travel so far. We don’t know how long we’ll be here. It could be tomorrow, it could be weeks from now. It would be much healthier for you  _ and  _ the baby to take the trip now, and give birth at home. If I’m not there, you’ll have Rachel and Louise there with you.”

“I can’t just  _ leave  _ you, Claire.”

I sat down on the corner of the bed, and took her hands in mine. “You and Two Moons dropped everything to come with us. For that alone I can never repay you.”

“You don’t  _ need  _ to repay us, Claire. You and Lotte are our family.”

“Going home doesn’t mean you’re giving up on her,” I said, determined not to cry. “You’ve put your life on hold for my child. Now it’s time for you to focus on  _ yours _ ,” I smiled. “And soon we’ll all come home, and Lotte will have a brand new cousin to love.”

Jenny leaned forward to hug me. “I’m thankful for a sister like you, Claire.”

I squeezed her back. “And I am so very grateful for you,” I leaned back, chuckling. “I suppose you won’t be needing  _ the talk  _ about your wedding night, will you?”

Jenny smiled. “Well, did you want to have a practice? I imagine you’ll be having it with Brianna, before long.”

After getting Jenny ready, I went to go freshen up in my own room, when I ran into Jamie in the hall.

I smiled tentatively in greeting, the expression feeling almost unnatural on my face after so long. “Jamie! You missed…” I trailed of then, as he stepped into the lantern light. “Jamie...dear God…”

The right side of Jamie’s face was a litany of black and blue, his eye swollen shut, and his lip split open and bleeding.

“What the hell happened?!” I exclaimed, grabbing his hand and dragging him into our room.

“It’s nothing, Sassenach, I’m fine.”

“Like hell you’re fine” I pushed him to sit on the bed, then grabbed and lit a lantern to see his face. “You were fighting. Why, Jamie?”

“I wasn’t  _ fighting _ ,” he said.

“Oh? And I suppose next you’re going to tell me you walked into a door?”

I wet a wash rag in the basin, and Jamie hissed as I dabbed his lip. “I wasn’t fighting...I was jumped.”

“Jumped? You mean attacked? By who? Where?! I’ll go get Miguel, he’ll…”

Jamie grabbed my hand, and pulled me back to him. “Let it  _ go _ , Sassenach. It’s over. They made their point, and now they’re done.”

With a frustrated growl, I threw the rag onto the bed. “ _ Who  _ made their point? Damn it, Jamie,  _ what  _ is going on?”

“She’s being protected,” Jamie said. “Maria. I don’t know what she’s told them about Charlotte, or maybe they dinna care, but some hired men were sent tae  _ send me a message _ . And I believe the message amounted to “back off.”

“Oh Jamie, I whispered, stroking the unbruised side of his face. “What are we going to do?”

“I dinna ken, Sassenach. We’ll sit down wi’ Miguel, see what he has tae say about it,” he looked up at me then, his swollen eye struggling to open. “You were going tae tell me something either. Did ye’ learn anything new?”

“No,” I said, the happiness I’d felt so briefly souring. “Not about Lotte. Jenny and Ian are getting married, Jamie. Tonight.”

Jamie blinked in confusion. “Wh...tonight? Where did this come from?”

I smiled, though it was far more strained than before. “From the fact that if they waited any longer, Jenny’s pregnant belly would be proceeding her down the aisle.”

“Preg...Jenny’s having a  _ bairn _ ?”

I nodded. “She is. Roger is going to perform the ceremony in the park. She wants you to walk her down the aisle, as it were. I promised her you would,” the last was said in a bit of a warning, daring Jamie to protest.

Jamie’s smile looked quite ghastly with the state of his face, but it was still a nice thing to see after all this time. “Aye, of course I will.”

“And after…” I continued. “I told Jenny that she should have Two Moons take her home.”

Jamie nodded. “You’re right. Before it’s too late for her tae travel.”

“It will help if you tell them, too. They’re not going to want to leave us.”

Jamie stood, then kissed my forehead. “It’s their time now. Time for them tae go start their lives. They’ll have enough trouble as it is. Now come, I need tae try and make myself presentable so I can walk my sister down th’ aisle.”

While we were getting ready, Fergus and Young Ian had employed the help of some local girls to drape flower garlands from the trees in a little corner of the park. Candles were gathered up from here and there, and placed on the ground to give the illusion of an actual “aisle.”

Jenny gave Jamie’s face an alarmed look, but a quick shake of my head told her not to bother commenting on it. 

“Something old,” he said, reaching into his pocket and revealing Sawny Snake, which he pressed into her hand. “And  _ borrowed _ , so I expect it back.”

Jenny grinned, accepting the toy and tucking it carefully into her own pocket. 

“Something new,” I said, coming up beside her and touching her stomach. “And...let’s see...oh!” I quickly pulled off the beaded bracelet I’d bought from the little girl when we first arrived in the city. “Something blue.”

“Thank you,” she said, her eyes red with tears. 

“Don’t forget these!” Young Ian exclaimed cheerfully, popping up out of seemingly nowhere to hand Jenny and I bouquets of wildflowers. “After you, Auntie.”

Giving Jenny one more grin, I held my bouquet and led the way down the aisle. When I reached Roger and Two Moons, it suddenly looked like they were trying not to laugh, so I turned around to see Fergus prancing merrily along behind me, tossing flower petals into the air with a flourish.

Everyone lost their battle against laughing, which further eased some of the tension that had been living within us for months. 

Jamie and Jenny were next, and no matter that she didn’t have a veil, or a wedding gown, or that her boots were dirty and her hair only brushed and clean, not styled. She was a glowing bride, with eyes only for her soon-to-be husband. 

“Who gives this woman to be married?” Roger asked.

“I do,” Jamie said, kissing his sister’s cheek before giving her hand to the brother of his heart.

The ceremony was short, very simple. Jamie’s gaze never left mine, remembering, no doubt, as I was, the way we felt when we were first married. 

We’d been so separate the past months, together but apart, seeing love in his one good eye was a balm to my weary soul. I hoped he could see the love in my eyes, as well.

When Roger said the words, “you may kiss the bride,” Two Moons swept Jenny into his arms and kissed her passionately while Young Ian and Fergus tossed the rest of the flowers into the air.

“I still think you should go home, too, Ian,” I said as we all escorted Jenny and Two Moons to the train station directly after the wedding and brief supper at the hotel. The next train out wouldn’t be leaving for another week, and Jamie and I managed to convince Two Moons and Jenny that they really needed to make the long journey as soon as possible. “You have your own family to think of, as well.”

“I know,” he said, looking to Two Moons. “And you will apologize to Rachel for me, won’t you, Father? And take care of her and Rain?”

“Of course we will,” Two Moons said. 

Young Ian turned back to me. “I must stay, Auntie. The Spirits do not speak to me much anymore...but if they did...I think that’s what they would say. Not just for Lotte, or for you, and for Uncle,” he walked over to Fergus and placed his hand on his shoulder. “But for my brother.”

Jamie, for his part, smiled fondly at the two young men, no doubt reminded of himself and Two Moons when they were younger.

I had my thoughts on Fergus going home as well, but that could be a fight for another day. 

“It pains me to leave you in your time of need, brother,” Two Moons said, locking his arm with Jamie’s.

“Aye, but your spirit goes with me,” Jamie said. “Take care of my sister. Mind I’ll have your hide if ye ever hurt her.”

Two Moons grinned. “Aye.”

I hugged Jenny, already missing her presence acutely. “Make sure you write to me to tell me how Murtagh reacted when you got home and told him.”

Jenny laughed. “I think I’d rather tell you in person, when you bring Lotte home. Make sure you give her a kiss from me, okay?”

I promised I would, and we hugged them both once more before they had to board the train. 

They were going home, with their child. As happy as I was for them, I was also so envious, and I prayed that my turn to do the same would come soon.

I returned with Jamie to the inn, feeling that I could actually sleep for once. I stopped short though, when Jamie looked like he was preparing to leave.

“Wh...you’re not leaving  _ again _ ?” I exclaimed.

“I’m sorry, Sassenach,” he said. “I’m expected tae be somewhere tonight, and if I’m not there, it’ll be suspicious, and we canna afford that right now.”

I shook my head. “Jamie,  _ no _ . You haven’t slept in almost twenty-four hours. I know I’m not exactly in a place to lecture right now, but you  _ have  _ to get some rest.”

“I won’t be long,” he said dismissively, pointedly not meeting my eyes. “I promise I’ll sleep when I return.”

“Jamie,” I said more softly. “Please stay. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

Jamie paused at the door, his hand lingering on the doorknob. He took a deep breath, and I thought he would turn around and take me into his arms. When he didn’t, I felt a stab go through my heart.

“I’m sorry, Claire,” he said. 

And then he was gone.

  
  


~~~

“ _ There you are, my sweet. A little treat before supper.” _

Ana stared at the plate, making no move to take a bite, even though it smelled delicious. 

_ “What’s wrong? Mango is your favorite.” _

“I want to go outside.”

“In Spanish,  _ Niña _ . You must practice.”

“ _ Fuera de _ ,” she repeated obediently. “ _ You promised we would go outside today.” _

Ms. Maria stared at her for a long moment, and Ana tried not to squirm. 

“ _ Very well. I suppose a short walk would not hurt.” _

Ana grinned in surprise, then made short work of her mango. 

Though the house she and Ms. Maria lived in with Ms. Maria’s grandfather was very big, there was no yard to play in, and Ms. Maria almost never took her outside, telling her over and over that there was plenty of room to play  _ inside _ .

But Ana couldn’t stand being inside for so long. She wanted the fresh air, to see the trees - even though there weren’t that many of them here.

She wanted to go home. She still thought about home sometimes. She still missed Mama and Da. But she’d learned a long time ago not to ask to go home anymore, or to even talk about Mama and Da. 

_ This  _ was her new home, Ms. Maria said. She said that Mama and Da had told her to live there now, and be happy.

She didn’t want to believe that was true, but the longer Mama and Da didn’t come and get her, the harder it was to believe that they ever would.

Mr. Collins had gone away. Ana didn’t know where, but she didn’t care either. Mr. Collins had  _ used  _ to be nice, but he’d gotten sour and twitchy and yelled at Ms. Maria. Now it was just her, Ms. Maria, some maids, and Ms. Maria’s grandfather. The maids were nice, but Grandfather scared her, so she did her best to stay away from him.

They left the house and walked down the street. Ana held Ms. Maria’s hand, watching the other people as they went by. In her other hand she clutched the little yarn doll named Fiona that Ms. Maria had given her. She liked Fiona, but not as much as she liked Mac the bunny. She missed Mac.

Down the street from Grandfather’s house was a little place that Ms. Maria  _ called  _ a park, but it was really just a big square of grass with two trees and some benches for sitting. It wasn’t very much fun, but sometimes after it rained, she could find worms in the dirt.

There hadn’t been any rain lately, so no worms. But maybe a beetle or two, if she was lucky. 

When they got to the little park, there was someone else there for the first time since she had been going. A nice-looking grandma lady with a girl a little younger than Ana.

Releasing Ms. Maria’s hand, Ana ran toward the park, overjoyed at the prospect of having someone to play with

“ _ Hello! _ ” Ana called once she reached the patch of grass. The other little girl looked up at her with a smile, holding up her own doll. Ana gasped in delight. “ _ Do you want to play with me?” _

The little girl nodded, but then all of a sudden, Ms. Maria was grabbing Ana’s arm.

“ _ Ana Maria! You cannot run away like that!” _

_ “I only wanted to play with the little girl!” _

But Ms. Maria didn’t listen, and started to pull Ana away. “ _ They are strangers. We do not talk to strangers, Ana Maria.” _

Digging in her heels, Ana snatched her arm away from Ms. Maria. She had been taught not to talk back to adults...but she’d also been told a long time ago that she only had to obey adults who  _ loved  _ her. She didn’t think Ms. Maria loved her very much. Someone who loved her wouldn’t want her to be so sad.

“My name is not Ana Maria!” she yelled in English, not Spanish, stamping her foot. “It’s  _ Lotte _ !”

The hand came across her face before she could blink. It didn’t really hurt, but the surprise of it stunned her. She’d been spanked before, after a long talking-to about  _ why  _ she was being spanked...but no one had  _ ever  _ hit her face.

When Ms. Maria took her hand again, she didn’t fight her anymore. But she looked back once at the grandma lady and the little girl. The grandma lady looked like she wanted to call out to her, but she didn’t.

On the walk home, she wondered if that little girl had been slapped in the face too, and if that was why she had those bruises.


	17. Fighting Against

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie struggles against his personal demons, Fergus and Ian are getting in over their heads, and Claire gets some news.

Ian and Fergus’s plans to prepare Fergus for his next job were disrupted by Jenny and Two Moons’ wedding and departure, but a few nights later, they put their (Ian’s) plan into motion.

“I don’t know about this,” Fergus hedged. 

“Just trust me,” Ian said. “You’re supposed to show up at Fernando Maldonado’s house tonight, after he’s left for his card game. We have to get your confidence up STAT, as Auntie Claire would say.”

“Please don’t mention my mother right now,” Fergus groaned.

“Where are you going?”

Fergus and Ian nearly leapt out of their skin, spinning to face Roger guiltily.

“We have a job,” Ian said.

Roger gave them a skeptical look. “Well, do you have a minute? I’ve been meaning to have a talk with you both.”

Ian grabbed Fergus’s arm, dragging him toward the door of the inn. “Sorry, Roger, no time. Later, maybe?”

Roger sighed. “I suppose so. Be careful out there, alright?”

“We will!” Fergus called, snatching his arm away from Ian once they were outside. “What’d you drag me away like that for?”

“I knew that look on your face,” Ian said. “You were about to admit everything to Roger.”

“I was not. Besides, what happened to ‘we’re not doing anything wrong’?”

Ian shrugged. “We’re not. But Roger isn’t likely to see it that way. And he’s a snitch.”

~~~

Jamie cracked the knuckles in his hands as he walked, trying to flex his arms without looking like he was in pain. 

In truth he was bone weary, in both body and mind. Weeks upon weeks of sleepless nights had taken their toll, as had countless rounds of flying fists.

He hadn’t lied to Claire about being attacked, but he hadn’t been completely forthcoming, either.

He had been cornered by some of the men who worked for the Maldonados, but it hadn’t been completely unprovoked, and it hadn’t been for the reasons he told her. 

Guilt twisted inside him for even the small lie of omission, to say nothing of the guilt he felt for not staying with her the night she’d asked him to. He’d wanted to. More than anything. He missed his wife like an ache in his very soul, but the long nights and constant state of tension had put a strange chasm between them that he didn’t know how to cross. 

It was just so difficult for him to be with her and not tell her the things he’d been doing. To not lean on her. It was only that his Sassenach had been so tired and worn thin. One morning he’d arrived back at the inn, gazed upon her beautiful, sleeping face, and noticed the new streaks of gray in her hair. The gray was bonny, but it had put a crack in his already badly damaged heart to know the reasons for it being there. She had enough to worry about without him adding to that. But still, they’d promised each other long ago to be honest and open always, and that was why he couldn’t be around her. Pure and simple shame. And cowardice.

So the night she’d asked him to stay and he’d promised to return soon, he hadn’t. He’d deliberately waited until she’d gone with Miguel the next morning before stealing into their room for some desperately needed sleep, and so had been his pattern in the nights since.

Jamie swore to himself that he’d make it up to her, somehow. Someday. Starting with returning their daughter to her arms. 

“Mac,” Jamie was greeted at the door of the cantina by Jorge, the owner. 

Jamie nodded back in turn, and entered the establishment, taking stock of the patrons as he always did.

“Cantina” was the polite word used to describe El Gallo de Oro - essentially a hall of “entertainments.” Entertainments including but not limited to gambling, prostitution...and fighting.

Maldonado’s men were there that night, the same men who didn’t take too kindly to Jamie making them lose their money and decided to gang up on him to “teach him respect.”

Jamie was glad to see them, and gladder still to make them lose their money.

It was hardly a glamourous pastime, but since becoming embroiled in this world of sin and gratification, Jamie had learned all about the inner workings of the notorious Maldonado family. 

Antonio Maldonado was everything Miguel had said he was and more. He made his fortune with extortion, thievery, and slave labor. He had family and employees everywhere, including the police. Jamie had never even seen the old man, but his presence was felt everywhere. 

Jamie knew he had a granddaughter who had recently come to live with him. 

The only thing Jamie didn’t know was exactly where Antonio lived. He apparently had multiple homes, all heavily guarded. All Jamie needed to find out though was where exactly Charlotte was being kept.

“You’re looking pretty rough,” Jorge said, slapping his back. “Sure you’re up for tonight?”

Jamie snorted, tying gauze around his knuckles. “Who am I against?”

“De le Cruz,” he said, nodding to the hulking man in the corner. “Are you sure you want to face him? They call him The Bear.”

Jamie smirked. “Where I am from, there are some who call me Bear Killer.”

Jorge chuckled. “If you say so. The Maldonados hand-picked him. They want to see you brought down.”

“They can try.”

Jamie removed his shirt, heedless of his scars. He let the men of the cantina believe he earned the marks in fighting. He let them see them as badges of honor. In a rather twisted way, this experience had made Jamie feel a strange sort of pride in them.

He entered the ring with El Oso - the ring being nothing but a circle of dirt in the middle of the cantina, where the men gathered around to gawk and cheer. A young prostitute came up and kissed Jamie’s cheek for luck, as they always did. And as he always did, Jamie ignored her, as opposed to grabbing her or stealing another kiss, as most of the other fighters did. This girl let her hand linger on his back, and he only barely managed not to visibly recoil, though she must have felt the sudden drawing of his muscles and backed off at once. There was only one person who could touch Jamie’s back without Jamie feeling discomfort, and this reminder made him miss her even more acutely.

Even though this was a disreputable pastime, one Jamie only partook in to get himself in with people with answers, he couldn’t help but find a sliver of enjoyment in it. It was a way of losing himself, to release the ever-present stress and anger that boiled within him. To be able to picture Richard Collins’ face every time he struck an opponent. He imagined it wasn’t too unlike Claire and her medicine. A way to keep living when everything in them felt like dying.

There was no sound to start the match, only a game of waiting to see who would strike first.

Jamie always waited. Bided his time. Took the measure of his opponent and detected their weaknesses.

It wasn’t due to luck that he was undefeated. 

El Oso charged with a shout, but for all he was large and likely packed a powerful punch, he was slow, and Jamie dodged him with ease. 

The onlookers laughed as Jamie avoided El Oso’s swinging fists again and again, taunting the Goliath into anger, and from there, mistake.

When he saw his opening, Jamie struck, catching El Oso in the stomach. 

He doubled over only briefly, and then he was on the warpath, managing to grab Jamie by the arm and throw him to the ground.

Jamie had the air knocked out of him, but he was still able to roll away from where El Oso brought both fists down.

Jamie sprung to his feet and struck El Oso in the jaw, and again, then again.

Two more good hits and he’d be on the ground. It was working perfectly until…

He caught sight of a familiar pair of boys, standing in the absolute last place they should be.

Fergus and Ian were watching Jamie in slack-jawed awe, and if their presence there wasn’t bad enough, the harlot draped around Fergus was.

The distraction was more than enough for El Oso to rally and catch Jamie in the side of the head. He went down, seeing stars, heard Fergus cry out for his Da. 

Being killed in these fights was an everyday occurrence. Jamie himself could never, would never deal that final blow, not except to protect his own life or the lives of others. El Oso didn’t look like he would have any qualms about it, but just before he brought his fists down on Jamie’s chest, Jamie rolled and kicked the heel of his foot into El Oso’s throat. 

El Oso collapsed, gasping for breath, and Jamie stood, giving him one swift punch to knock him unconscious, and just like that, he was declared the winner.

He expected to see the Maldonados outraged again, but when he looked over at the group, they were watching him in something like interest. 

But just at that moment, he couldn’t spare any more time on them. He had another beating to administer.

This one, to his son.

~~~

I sat in my room, staring out at the stars...what stars I could see what with all the light of the city. 

Jamie would be out late again, on into the early morning no doubt, and Roger had reported that Ian and Fergus had given him the slip. He’d offered to take me to dinner, but I had no appetite, and even less desire to pretend to be good company. Where I thought the levity of Jenny and Two Moons’ wedding might bring Jamie and I together again, instead it seemed to have divided us even more. I hadn’t seen him in days. I only knew that he returned to our room during the day because of the way he left the bed mussed. 

I toyed with the St. Anthony figure around my neck, wondering idly if Fergus had purchased a dud. He certainly didn’t seem to be doing much to help us find our lost daughter.

There was a light tap on the door, and I got up to answer it, expecting Roger there to try and bully me into eating. Honestly the man had been a dear, and since Two Moons and Jenny had left, he was really the only one making sure the rest of us didn’t completely neglect our health.

But instead it was Miguel, standing there with his hands behind his back. 

I hadn’t noticed until then, seeing him in my doorway, how tall he was. He was probably close to Jamie’s height, but Jamie’s very presence sometimes made him seem larger than life. 

“Miguel,” I said. “What are you doing here?”

Miguel smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry, I know it’s late…”

I shook my head, then pushed the door open wider to admit him. “No, I’m sorry. That came off rude. I only meant...is there something wrong? I only just saw you this afternoon.”

Miguel seemed hesitant to enter the room, but I walked over to the where a settee and table with chairs made a little sitting area, to make it seem different than leading him into a bedroom.

Appeased, he entered the room, but didn’t sit down.

“I don’t know if you could call it good news,” he said. “To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure what it means.”

“Well, now you have me very interested,” I said, crossing my arms. What’s happened?”

“Richard Collins’ body was found in the Rio Magdalena this evening.”

Miguel hurried toward me, and I didn’t know why until I belatedly felt my legs turn to liquid, but he helped me sit on the settee, then sat beside me.

“I don’t understand,” I said. “Why? What happened? What about Maria and...and…”

Miguel grabbed my hand, squeezing it. “Claire, they never approved of Maria’s marriage. This was most likely their way of...how do you say…cleaning the slate for her.”

“Do they know how long he’s been dead?”

“Several weeks, at least. Claire, listen to me, this doesn’t mean that anything has happened to Lotte.”

I got to my feet, pacing around the room helplessly. “My baby is trapped with these...these...murderers, and there isn’t a fucking thing I can do about it!”

Miguel sighed, holding his hands out pleadingly. “Please, don’t lose hope. Come...come with me. Get some fresh air.”

Fresh air sounded good. The room had suddenly become small and stifling. I longed for Jamie, but hadn’t even the slightest idea where to find him. The thought bothered me.

I followed Miguel out into the cool night air, feeling like if a feather fell on me, I would shatter into a million pieces. It wasn’t only the hopeless situation I was in that was making me angry. I was angry that Richard Collins was dead, and that I couldn’t see his face again before watching my husband end his life.

It was a strange, sick fantasy that had lived in my mind for months. One that warred furiously with my doctor’s oath.

Miguel and I walked silently for a time, until we reached the park where Jenny and Two Moons had gotten married. Had it really been only days before?

“Her birthday came and went, you know,” I said flatly as we slowed to a stop. “She’s five now, and I missed it. We usually have a birthday party for her at the cafe in town.”

“You will again,” he said. “Claire, I promise you, you will celebrate many more birthdays with your little girl.”

The tears started to come, and I had no hope of stopping them. “I want my baby. I just want my baby.”

Miguel touched my elbows with his fingers, then gently guided me into his embrace, giving me the space and ability to refuse. But just then, I felt like if something didn’t wrap around me, I’d surely fly apart, so I went willingly into his arms, my head on his shoulder.

“I will do everything I can, Claire,” he whispered. “I promise. You’ll get her back.”

I pulled back just far enough to look at him. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“Don’t underestimate me. I certainly wouldn’t underestimate you.”

When Miguel kissed me, it almost felt natural for a moment. Like it was a very obvious thing to do, to try and breathe life into someone who was drowning. 

I leaned into him without thought. His lips were warm, soft, and dry, his hands soothing where they rubbed along my back. He smelled of paper and tobacco and the peppers he must have had with dinner. Nothing at all like…

With a gasp I pushed away from him, heart thundering in my chest.

“Oh my God…what have I done?”

“I...I’m sorry, Claire...I shouldn’t…”

“No,” I snapped. “You shouldn’t have! But...Christ...neither should I. I should go.”

I turned to do just that, but Miguel reached for my hand again, dropping it immediately when I gave him a look. “Please, let me walk you back to your hotel. It isn’t safe for a woman alone at night.”

I turned away from him again, more ashamed than angry, and I saw that there was a woman just ahead, and she looked quite alone. I thought perhaps I ought to walk with her, instead.

But then I realized she was coming right for us, with a little girl in tow.

I recognized them then as little Gabriella and her grandmother.

“Hello,” I said. “You are out very late.”

The grandmother smiled, her hand on Gabriella’s shoulder. “I am taking my granddaughter to my home. Her mother is allowing her to live with me.”

Gabriella beamed at me, and it was amazing to me that I still had it in me to smile back.

“That’s wonderful,” I said. “I’m happy for you both.”

The grandmother came closer, taking my hands in hers. “I have prayed, night and day for your little one. For your Lotte. She is not in a safe place, Miss.”

“Safe…” I looked at Miguel. “What do you mean...are you saying...do you know where my daughter is?”

“I saw a child. Red hair, eyes like yours. The woman with her kept calling her by a different name, but the child said her true name. Lotte.”

“Where?!” I demanded feverishly “¿Dónde?”

The directions the old woman gave me where barely three miles from where we were. I grabbed her shoulders, kissing both her cheeks, then took off at a run.

“Claire!” Miguel called after me. “What are you doing?!”

“What do you think I’m doing?” I asked. “I’m going after my daughter!”

“W...alone?” He grabbed my arm, forcing me to stop. “Claire…”

“There’s no time,” I growled, snatching my arm away, and suddenly feeling more alive than I had in an age. “Every minute I wait is another minute she’s in that house. If you really want to help me, you’ll go find Jamie and meet me there.”

“And leave you alone? You’re insane.”

I snorted. “You wouldn’t be the first to call me that. Now either come with me, or get the hell out of my way.”

~~~

Fergus had already decided to abandon this half-brained plot of Ian’s before they even stepped foot into El Gallo de Oro. 

‘If nothing else, you’ll be a man,’ Ian had said gleefully.

The cantina was loud, and packed full of men. The only women there were the barely dressed ones flaunting their wares to interested customers.

Oh, Fergus was no stranger to this life. It was the one he was born into. In fact, it gave him a funny feeling of nostalgia to see the women flirt with the men while small boys snuck by and took what they could from unsuspecting pockets. Had he done that as a boy? Was that why thievery seemed to come so naturally to him? He couldn’t remember.

These young women were no different than the one who gave him life. How could he possibly do what Ian was suggesting?

But when the first woman gave him a sultry smile and a crook of her finger, his resolve wavered. 

“Just smile at them, brother,” Ian said, patting his back. “Charm them with that face of yours. Try to let them think you have eyes only for them.”

For one particular girl, it was easy. She was petite, with long, wavy black hair, big, soulful eyes, lips that naturally quirked up at the corners like she was forever smirking at a hidden secret. He had no trouble acting like he had eyes for only her.

“Hello,” she said sweetly, approaching them. 

Fergus gulped, his pulse rushing. Ian gave him a nudge and he almost fell into the girl, but she only giggled and touched his arm. 

“Hello,” he said, pleased when his voice didn’t crack. “What is your name?”

She giggled again. “Your accent is funny! Talk to me some more.”

Fergus glanced back at Ian, getting a congratulatory gesture with his hands. 

The shouting in the middle of the cantina was increasing. Fergus had been aware of some sort of fight happening when they first walked in, but then the girl had made him forget everything, including his intended purpose. But the shouting reached a new creciendo and his eyes were drawn that direction, only to fly open wide at what he saw.

“Uh...Ian?”

“What?” Ian hissed impatiently.

It was his father in the fighting match, facing a man almost twice his size...and winning! 

It was almost enough to distract Fergus from the girl until she put an arm around his neck and blew into his ear.

But then, Jamie chose that moment to catch sight of them.

“Fuck,” Ian and Fergus said together, wincing when Jamie came close to getting his ass handed to him before pulling through and managing to beat his opponent .

“I’m sorry,” he said to the girl, delicately removing her arm from around him. And he really was.

She huffed at him and stormed away, just as Jamie stormed toward them.

“Da…” Fergus began.

“What in God’s name are you two doing here?” Jamie demanded lowly, looking frightening and even bigger than he usually did with his shirtless torso covered in blood and bruises and his eyes glaring murderously.

“We could ask the same of you,” Ian said, crossing his arms, not looking half as intimidated Fergus felt. “Mac.”

“Why are you fighting?” Fergus asked. “Does Ma know?”

Jamie grabbed them both by the shoulders and dragged them out into the night air.

“I’m looking for answers, getting in wi’ people who ken th’ Maldonados. Now, answer my question. What are ye doing here and with a hoor curled up around ye?!”

“Same as you!” Fergus exclaimed. “Getting in with the Maldonados!”

“By hiring a strumpet?!”

“Fergus was hired to spy on Fernando Maldonado’s wife,” Ian said. “Fergus is supposed to just put on some charm, and see if he can sway the wife, while Maldonado is at a card game.”

“Where?” Jamie asked.

“Paseo de la Reforma,” Fergus said. “Da, all Ian and me were trying to do was…”

“Build up his confidence,” Ian said. “Learn to woo a lady.”

“Ye dinna learn tae woo a lady like that,” Jamie spat. “And ye were probably walking into a trap at any rate! Where is th’ card game?”

Fergus and Ian looked at each other. “The idea was to try and get that information from the wife.”

Ian shrugged. “You know, pillow talk.”

Fergus glared at his friend then turned back to his furious father. “I wasn’t going to actually bed her, Da!”

“Enough,” he said. “Take me there. I’ll go in and talk t’ th’ lass myself, see what I can get from her while she’s alone.”

Ian winced. “You look like you were just in a fight. I don’t know if that’s your best look for seduction.”

Fergus never believed that his Da would hit someone he loved. But just in that moment, as he glared at his nephew, Fergus thought he looked tempted.

  
  
  



	18. Darkest Before Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie takes uncomfortable measures to gain information on Lotte’s location, while Claire and Miguel make a discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This particular story arc is causing quite a bit of discontent! Lol. Trust me, I understand, just know we’re almost to the other side! Thanks for sticking with me this far!

Jamie was mad enough to spit. His blockhead son and nephew had gone and gotten themselves in way over their heads.

But then, he supposed he only had himself to blame. While he and Claire had been locked in their own private grief, while everyone had been working separately for the common goal, who had been paying attention to what the two young men were doing?

It was Jamie’s responsibility to look after them, protect them. The boys, Roger, Claire.

He paused at a fountain to wash the dirt and blood off his face, and luckily since he didn’t wear his shirt in fights, it was clean, plus he’d actually shaved the night before. Still, he knew he must look a fright, hardly someone to catch a young woman’s eye, but he wasn’t about to let his fifteen-year-old son walk in there, even though he agreed it was worth a try to see if she could tell them where to find the Maldonados.

“Is this it?” he asked, eyeing the house. They were in a nice part of town, where the wealthy lived. It stood to reason that Lotte was being kept nearby.

“Yeah,” Fergus said, handing him a folded up piece of paper. “You’re supposed to deliver this message to her. It says that her husband will be late getting back. You don’t really fit the bill for messenger boy, though…”

“I’ll do,” he said gruffly.

“What do we do, Uncle?” Ian asked.

“Stay outside, keep watch.”

“Um...Da?”

Jamie turned back to Fergus, raising an eyebrow.

Fergus grimaced. “Just erm...what are you going to  _ do _ ?”

“If ye’re asking if I’m going tae be unfaithful to your mother, the answer is no,” he turned to walk toward the house. “If ye’re asking if your mother would  _ approve  _ of what I’m going tae do...the answer is also, no.”

He knocked on the door, and within a moment a young maid answered. 

Jamie tipped an imaginary hat to the girl. “ _ Hello. I’ve a message for your mistress.” _

The girl narrowed eyes at him that seemed far too shrewd for her age. “ _ I can take the message to her.” _

Jamie smiled in a way he hoped was friendly. “ _ Apologies, miss. I was asked to hand-deliver it to Mrs. Maldonado herself.” _

_ “Is the message from my husband?” _

Jamie looked over the head of the maid to see a rather bonny woman, a little younger than himself, perhaps, with silk-straight black hair pulled over one shoulder, and a tight red dress that left little to the imagination. 

She gave him an appraising look, then asked her maid to let him in.

“ _ You look like you have been fighting _ ,” she said, in a manner that suggested she didn’t find that fact distasteful. 

Jamie smirked, then inadvertently switched to English. “Th’ other fellow was worse off than me, I assure ye.”

Señora Maldonado’s eyes lit up in delight. “You’re Irish!”

Jamie gave her a flat look. “Scottish, actually. Common mistake. Would ye like th’ message, then?”

Señora Maldonado sat on down on a small stool and looked up at him expectantly. “Read it to me.”

“Erm…” he unfolded the paper, but the writing was barely legible. “Dinna...read much Spanish,  _ Señora _ , but it amounts tae th’ fact that  _ Señor  _ Maldonado will be late home.”

She rolled her eyes. “When is he not? Always out gambling, running about with women. He is just like his uncle, Antonio.”

Jamie carefully schooled his features so that he didn’t look too eager. “Is that no’ th’ way of all men,  _ Señora _ ?”

“Please, call me Emiliana. Is that the way you are?…”

“Mac is th’ name,” he said, smiling, and swallowing what he  _ wanted  _ to say, which was  _ not in this life _ .

“I would’a say I’m a corouser,” he said. “But how can a man be expected tae say no tae a beautiful woman?”

Emiliana stood up and stepped close to him...too close for his comfort. Seemed  _ Señor  _ Maldonado was right about his wife. But then, it also seemed that the husband was no better, if not worse.

“Will ye have me deliver a message back tae your husband?” he asked.  _ Tell me where to find them! _

She hummed. “No, I think not. Would you stay and have a drink with me,  _ Señor  _ Mac?”

Jamie resisted the urge to grimace, run the other direction, or both. “Aye, I would.”

~~~

“Please, Claire, reconsider…” Miguel said for the hundredth time. “At least wait until your husband returns, and we can come up with some plan!”

“We have no idea when that could be,” I said. “He wouldn’t  _ want  _ me to wait.”

Miguel ran around me, blocking my path. “And you’ll run in there with empty hands?! You don’t even have a weapon!”

“ _ You  _ do,” I reminded him, nodding toward his pistol. “And I don’t intend on charging in. I’m going to look first, try and determine if she’s even in there. I’m not a  _ fool _ .”

Miguel sighed, his expression clearly stating that whether or not I was a fool was in some debate, but he stood aside to let me pass.

The house Gabriella’s grandmother directed us to was the largest on the street, with a tall iron fence surrounding it like it was some sort of fortress.

“I’m surprised there’s no moat,” I muttered, looking for a way through.

It was too tall to climb, and anyway the sharp spires at the tops would have made that difficult at any rate, and there would be no way of cutting or bending the rods.

“I’ll go back to the  _ delegación _ , I’ll get help,” Miguel tried again.

I glared at him. “You said yourself you don’t  _ trust  _ all of the other officers, that you have no way of knowing who might be in Maldonado’s pocket.”

“But this is suicide!”

“Then  _ leave _ .”

For a moment, it looked as though he would. And really, it would probably be better that way. 

I  _ knew  _ I was being reckless, even foolish. But from the moment that woman told me that she’d seen Lotte, I’d been seized with the overwhelming panic that if I waited even for a moment, even to get help and develop a plan, that she would be ripped away again, gone from our lives forever. If I did nothing tonight but see with my own eyes that she was alive and well, it would be enough, for now.

I continued walking, and Miguel followed, heaving another resigned sigh. 

Though regret and disgust still boiled in my gut below my current urgency over what had happened between me and Miguel, I was still glad he was with me if Jamie couldn’t be. 

“Look,” he said, pointing to an area of the fence partially blocked by hedges. “It looks like a dog or something has dug there. You might be able to make it under.”

I moved aside the hedges, and sure enough, there was a sizable gap between the ground and the bottom of the fence. I didn’t hesitate to lower myself to my stomach, and slid through. “Can you make it?” I asked in a whisper.

Though it wasn’t as easy, and far less dignified in practice, Miguel managed to squeeze through, then we both hurried toward the house, keeping to shadows.

The windows were mostly dark, but there was one on the south facing side that was lit.

I peeked inside, my eyes quickly scanning for Lotte, but all I could see was an old man, sitting at a desk.

“Is that Antonio?” I whispered.

“I’ve never actually seen the man’s face,” Miguel whispered back, staring darkly at the man. “But it has to be.”

Antonio didn’t look all that threatening. He looked like a simple, elderly man, hunched over his work. But I knew also that he’d done terrible things, and probably wouldn’t hesitate to do them again.

“No Lotte,” I said.

“Maybe up there,” he pointed up toward the second story window, which also cast a warm glow.

I looked around for a way to reach the window, and saw a tree not too far away, that partially hung over the roof. If I could reach the roof, I could probably climb down to the narrow edge beside the window.

“Stay here and keep watch,” I said as I shamelessly hiked up my skirt, tied it into a knot at my hip, then pulled myself up onto the first branch.

It was higher than it’d looked from the ground, and the tree was treacherously thin near the top. Twice I felt and heard the bark groan and crack, and both times I paused and squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the bow to break and sending me crashing down...cradle and all.

But the branches held strong, and I made it to the roof. I glanced around, making sure there was no one on the grounds who might see me, but everything seemed quiet.

Getting down to the ledge was not going to be as easy as climbing the tree, but I took a deep breath, and gritted my teeth. 

Turning around, I lowered myself to my stomach, letting my legs dangle over the edge. I couldn’t reach, so I slowly lowered myself more and more, nudging with the tips of my toes to find purchase.

My arms screamed, unused to the holding my own weight that way, but I gritted my teeth harder, and finally I could feel the edge.

I very almost fell back when I let go, but I plastered myself to the wall, wincing when it made a dull slapping noise.

Freezing, I waited for a call of alarm, but when nothing happened, I slid my feet along the ledge, gradually scooting toward the window. 

Leaning down, I looked into the room, finding what looked like a nursery. There was an enormous dollhouse, a chest overflowing with toys, a rocking horse, a stuffed bear as big as me, and a child-sized bed with a white ruffled bedspread. 

And there...nestled in the covers...sleeping peacefully…was Lotte.

My heart leapt into my throat, and I have to cover my mouth to stifle a sob. 

She was there, just on the other side of a window, safe and sound and whole. 

And she was alone. All I had to do was get through the window, and she would be in my arms.

I tried the window quietly, unsurprised but frustrated to find it locked. Looking down for Miguel, I could just barely see him watching me from the bushed. I pointed at the window, trying to convey that I’d found her.

“Come down!” he said up in as loud of a whisper as he could. “We know where she is, we can come back with help!”

I shook my head. There was no way in  _ hell  _ I was walking away without her.

I had absolutely no qualm about smashing my fist through the window, but it would only draw attention. So instead, I lightly tapped on it, praying to God that she wasn’t too sound asleep.

It took three tries, but finally a pair of precious blue eyes fluttered open and she looked at the window curiously.

I tapped again, and she got out of bed and padded over, a little doll tucked into the crook of her arm, staring out at me like she didn’t know who I was.

But surely she could see me? 

“Lotte,” I said, taking a risk on being heard. “Lotte, baby, it’s Mama. Open the window.”

“Mama?” I saw her lips form the word, but so quietly I couldn’t hear her.

“Yes, please, sweetheart. Open the window for Mama. Hurry.”

“Fuck...Claire!”

The frenzied whisper-shout caught my attention, and I looked down just as a pair of men appeared, apprehending Miguel with guns to his back.

And then it was just a flurry of chaos. Miguel fought against his captors, an alarm went up and more men appeared, shouting in Spanish. 

I reached back, preparing to smash my fist through the window after all, when Lotte turned to look behind her. 

The bedroom door opened, and there was Maria, staring out at me with horrified eyes. Lotte began to cry as Maria rushed inside and grabbed her by the arm. 

“Charlotte!” I screamed. 

Something whizzed by my head...a bullet? And I felt myself start to lose balance. I tried in vain to hold on, but there was nothing to grab, and I braced myself for the inevitable.

The fall felt both instantaneous and forever, all at once. The air was forced out of me the moment of impact, and I lay for a moment in the grass so thick and soft it was likely the only reason my back didn’t shatter, senseless of what was happening around me, and unable to breathe.

A face hovered over mine for a moment, and then something struck my head, and all was black.

~~~

“Can you see what’s happening?”

“Nothing, really, they’re just sitting there.”

Fergus had found an empty clay pot and was using it to stand on to look through the window into Señora Maldonado’s lounge where his father was currently having a drink, smiling with her as if he was having a grand old time.

It was making Fergus vaguely ill.

“Auntie would have a fit if she knew,” Ian said, keeping watch.

“If she’s able to actually tell Da anything useful, Ma  _ might _ forgive him.  _ Might _ . Oh...wait...she’s getting up.”

Now Da  _ did  _ look uncomfortable as Señora Maldonado stood and crossed the room to where he was seated on a chaise lounge. She sat close to him with her body angled toward him, a hand resting intimately on his thigh.

Just  _ how far  _ was Da planning on taking this? Surely he hadn’t taken what Ian had said about  _ pillow talk  _ to heart? 

“Someone is coming,” Ian murmured lowly.

Fergus jumped down from the window and they hurried to the side of the road, making themselves look like they’d been there all along. 

A lone man was hurrying up the road, looking all around, and Fergus watched him, wondering what he was about until suddenly he recognized him. “Roger!”

Roger’s head snapped up, and he sagged in relief. “Oh thank God,” he sighed, trotting over to them. “Have you two seen Jamie?”

Fergus and Ian glanced behind them at the house. 

“Uncle Jamie is a wee bit...preoccupied,” Ian hedged. 

“Claire is gone,” Roger blurted. “I can’t find her anywhere.”

Fergus grabbed Roger’s sleeve, dragging him into the shadows between houses. “ _ What _ ? What do you mean? Where did she go this late?”

“I don’t know! I saw her walk out of the hotel with Miguel a couple of hours ago. I noticed she looked upset so I waited for her, and she never came back.”

Fergus frowned. “Why would Ma have gone off with Miguel in the middle of the night?” He wondered, getting an uncomfortable feeling. Fergus liked Miguel fine, but he wasn’t blind to the way he looked at Claire. It was only that it wasn’t  _ unusual. _ Claire garnered looks like that from just about every man she encountered, she just never noticed.

“I don’t know. But I  _ do  _ know there was some kind of commotion down the street a while ago. Shouting and guns fired. I have a bad feeling.”

Fergus did too. In fact, his  _ wame,  _ as Da called it, or his gut as Murtagh called it, was suddenly tied in a knot. “We need to get to Da,” he said to Ian. “But how?”

Ian shrugged. “Through the front door, I suppose.”

Fergus, Ian, and Roger ran back to the house and directly inside, ignoring the outraged maid. 

“Da!” Fergus called.

“God almighty…” Roger blasphemed at the sight that met them in the lounge.

Señora Maldonado had Jamie pressed back on the lounge, and had been in the process of half-crawling on top of him while his hands fidgeted limply at his sides.

“Fergus,” he said, sounding grateful for the interruption as he unceremoniously removed the woman from his lap and stood.

“ _ What is the meaning of this?!” _ she exclaimed.

“Ma is missing,” Fergus said without preamble. “Roger said she left a few hours ago with Miguel, and that he heard guns fired from somewhere else in the neighborhood.”

Something flashed behind Jamie’s eyes, and he whirled on Señora Maldonado, yanking her to her feet and then backing her up against the wall. For just a moment, Fergus thought she looked disturbingly excited about it, but then Jamie’s hand was around her neck, and fear replaced arousal. 

“Ye ken where Maria Collins is,” he growled in her face. “She wi’ th’ wee red-haired lass.”

“ _ No entiendo _ ,” she rasped.

Jamie shook her slightly, hitting her lightly against the wall. It wasn’t nearly enough to hurt her, but Fergus had  _ never  _ seen Jamie use any sort of violence against a woman, and it was disturbing to see.

“ _ Let me be understood,”  _ he said, switching to Spanish. “ _ You will tell me where my daughter is. Is she with Antonio? Where does he live? You will tell me right now, or I will burn this house to the ground, along with everything in it.” _

Señora Maldonado spat out an address, and Jamie looked over his shoulder at Roger.

“I know where that is,” Roger said. “It’s not far.”

Jamie released the woman and stalked away toward the door. Fergus took one glance back at her, at the way she rubbed her neck, and was  _ very  _ unnerved by the besotted smile on her face.

~~~

  
  


Jamie ran, badly missing Gideon’s speed and Rollo’s reassuring presence at his side.

He didn’t know what his Sassenach had done, but the twisting feeling inside him that he’d had all night had nearly doubled him over when Fergus told him that they didn’t know where Claire was, and that trouble was brewing down the street.

Naturally, the two occurrences could have nothing to do with one another, but he knew Claire, he knew the trouble that followed her (or she followed  _ it)  _ like a loyal pup and he somehow just knew that whatever they were running headlong into, she’d be in the thick of it.

The house  _ Señora  _ Maldonado had told them to go to was a sprawling fortress. While it had lavish gardens, trailing vines, and ornate architecture, it lacked the cheer and beauty that most of the other homes boasted. 

Unsurprisingly, there were two men posted at the fence gate, and then at least three more could be seen at the door, though there were likely others slinking around the shadows.

“What d’they think this is, Fort William?” Jamie muttered.

“All this added protection makes me think they  _ are  _ hiding something in there,” Roger said. “But how can we know if it’s Claire?”

Jamie couldn’t have explained it, nor did he want to even try, but he  _ knew,  _ somehow, that Claire was inside that house, without a shadow of a doubt. And if Claire was in there for whatever reason, he believed it was because so was Lotte.

“She’s there,” was all Jamie said, and Roger nodded, accepting it as fact.

“What do we do, Da?” Fergus asked.

Jamie looked at him. It was his first instinct to send Fergus and Ian back to the hotel, where they would be safe. But the two boys beside him now were not boys at all, but men, ready and willing to do what it took, and Jamie needed them.

“Ye said ye’ve been working as messengers?” 

Fergus exchanged a glance with Ian before looking back at him guiltily. “Among other things…”

Jamie arched a brow at him. “Out wi’it, lad. We dinna have time for lengthy excuses, or beating around th’ bush. I surmise your work th’ past months hasn’a been strictly legal.”

Fergus shook his head. “We’ve been hired to steal and spy for the rich men in town, including the Maldonados.”

“Then they’ll ken ye. D’ye think ye can go up to the guards and be let in?”

They looked at one another again.

“See…” began Ian. “They’re more used to my face. I usually talk to the muscle, and Fergus...well, he’s really quite good at thievery…”

Jamie chuckled, imagining the gloriously furious tirade Claire was going to go on when she learned of all this later. After everyone was safe. “Good. Ian, go tae the guards, distract them. Fergus, see if ye canna find your way intae th’ house and let Roger and I in through th’ veranda yon. And whatever ye do, do  _ not  _ get yourselves killed.”

Looking glad for the opportunity to do something, Fergus and Ian nodded shortly and disappeared into the dark.

“How do we get over the fence?” Roger asked, eyeing its pointed top skeptically.

“Verra carefully,” Jamie said. “Alright, Wakefield, lad, climb on my shoulders, and be damned quick about it.”

  
  
  



	19. Blood and Carnations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie, Fergus, Ian, and Roger storm the Maldonado house where Claire is has been captured after trying to reach Lotte.

“ _A message for Mr. Maldonado,”_ Fergus heard Ian saying to the guards in nearly flawless Spanish, but he couldn’t see them, already having found a slightly larger gap between the bars of the fence from the rest of it. He only narrowly made it through, thinking that if he hadn’t been skipping meals lately he probably wouldn’t have fit.

The guards were arguing with Ian, apparently not inclined to let even a well-known messenger past the gate. So they were on edge...that wasn’t good. Or was it?

Fergus slipped through the shadows, even avoiding the spots where the moon filtered in through the trees. The sun would be rising in just a couple of hours, so whatever was going to happen, needed to happen soon.

There were lights lit in the back of the house, but the top floor was dark. He found a trellis that he was able to climb to a balcony, and after peering inside to make sure no one was sleeping within, he used his knife to pry open the lock.

Once inside the house, he crept carefully through the darkened room, cautious of furniture and loose floorboards. But as he’d discovered a natural talent for thievery, so had he learned that he could be as silent as the dead when need be.

He ran through the general layout of the house in his head, as seen from the outside, and the typical way most of the houses in the city were arranged. The veranda Da had pointed out was in the street-facing side of the house, which made it tricky, but it was well-sheltered outside by trees and bushes, making it better for Da and Roger to sneak to.

The hall was empty when he peeked out into it, but also completely bare of anything he could hide behind, so there was little he could do except walk quietly and plan to pretend to be a new servant if he was discovered.

He found a servants’ stair, half-hidden by a pillar, and so he went down it, hoping against hope that the actual servants were still in their beds. 

When he reached the first floor, he could hear voices, and he was just about go the opposite direction when he stopped cold at the sound of his mother’s voice.

He couldn’t quite understand what she was saying. The walls were thick, or perhaps they had her muffled somehow, but she sounded furious and Fergus breathed a slight sigh of relief. Fury was better than fear. A furious Claire Fraser was a force to be reckoned with.

By some miracle, he made it to the veranda without being spotted, and he cracked open the glass door and hissed through it.

Jamie, Roger, and Ian all popped out from behind potted ferns and slide into the house.

“Ma’s here,” Fergus whispered, and pointed in the direction he’d heard her voice coming from.

~~~

My head pounded as I awoke, nausea rolling through me.

I was lying on a chaise lounge in a lavishly decorated sitting room, and a grandfather clock was striking three in the morning. 

Sitting across from me, was Maria Collins, looking pale, and beside her was the older man who I assumed was Antonio Maldonado. He was sipping tea as if we were gathered for a nice chat, like he didn’t have a care in the world.

I launched into a sitting position, ignoring my roiling stomach and bruised body to look for Lotte, but she was nowhere to be seen. What I could see was Miguel, lying unconscious or dead on the floor, and two large, armed men standing on either side of me.

“Where is my daughter?” I demanded.

“She is safe,” Maria said. “She is happy here.”

“Bullshit,” I hissed, gripping the edges of the chaise to prevent myself from lunging at her. “No matter how many fancy toys you give her, it will never make you her mother.”

“Children have the remarkable ability to adapt, _doctor_ Fraser,” said the old man. “Apologies, my granddaughter seems to have forgotten her manners. I am _Don_ Antonio.”

I shook my head. “Why are you doing this? We have done nothing to you.”

Antonio narrowed shrewd eyes at me. “When my granddaughter came back to me on her knees, with that gringo husband of hers, I did not care about the _bastarda_ she brought along. But then you and _your_ husband and that…” he snorted in the direction of Miguel. “ _Pendejo_ have decided to meddle in my business. That cannot be tolerated.”

“I don’t give a _fuck_ about your _business_!” I exclaimed. “All I want is my child!”

“You are a rather foul-mouthed woman, are you not?”

“Oh, I haven’t even started, you decrepit piece of shit.”

Antonio narrowed his beady eyes at me, but instead of insulted he looked almost fascinated, as if I were a monkey who had learned how to play piano.

“It is a shame, really,” he said in a bored tone of voice. “If only my granddaughter had half of your spirit.”

~~~

Jamie led the way, creeping through the dark halls, an even darker feeling brewing within him.

“Just give me my daughter and you’ll never have to see any of us again,” he heard Claire seethe, his heart leaping into his throat at the sound. Hearing the anger and frustration in her voice was reassuring, because she didn’t sound hurt.

“She’s _my_ daughter,” that was Maria Collins, sounding like she was crying. “You have other children. You could give birth to even more!”

“Well how nice for you,” Claire spat sarcastically. “That you can so easily replace your dead child with someone else’s, but _my_ child is not replaceable, and I’m not leaving here without her!”

A man spoke next, and Jamie held up a hand for the others to be at the ready. “You _are_ leaving,” he said calmly. “One way or another…”

Jamie heard the cock of a gun, and hesitated not a moment more. 

Throwing the door open, he found Antonio Maldonado, or who he assumed to be the old man, at once and aimed his pistol at his head.

Claire’s arms were being held between two men, and she cried his name at the sight of him. He kept a tight hold on his temper, not wanting to lose his head and risk her safety, but he was seething as he saw the dark bruise on her temple.

“Ye _will_ be releasing my wife,” he said with a calmness he didn’t feel, leveling his pistol at Antonio. He wasn’t the one with a gun, but he didn’t dare aim for the men holding Claire. “Now, if ye dinna mind.”

Antonio snorted. “You must be the one who keeps making me lose money,” he said, seemingly completely unfazed with the gun pointed at his head. “I rather expected you would show up. You and your family have been causing me a great deal of trouble, and I do not take kindly to it.”

“Easy enough tae remedy,” Jamie said. He could feel Roger, Ian, and Fergus at his sides, and from the corner of his eye he could see Claire, glaring daggers across the room at Maria, but Jamie kept his focus on the old man, refusing to underestimate him. “Just give us our daughter, and ye’ll never have tae see our faces again.”

Antonio folded his hands neatly in front of him. It was difficult to guess his age; he looked like he had to be at least seventy but had a bright, shrewd look to his eyes that made him appear younger. He wasn’t tall, but carried himself like a man who held considerable power, and knew it.

“The problem with that, _Señor_ , is my dearest granddaughter says the child is _hers_. And who am I to doubt the word of my own blood?”

Jamie gave a snort of his own. This old coot knew damn well Lotte wasn’t Maria’s.

“Then why dinna we call th’ lass in and ask her, aye?”

“We will not be disturbing the child,” Antonio said with a narrowing of his eyes. “It would only confuse, and upset her. She has settled in just fine here, and if it is any comfort, know she will be well provided for.”

Jamie looked away briefly, to see how Claire was faring. There was a small trickle of blood coming from her temple that made his anger rise, but she kept glancing away, to a side door, and Jamie wondered if that was where Lotte was. 

Behind Claire and her captors, he could just make out a pair of legs belonging to a man lying on the floor. Miguel? Jamie couldn’t tell if he was dead, or not.

~~~

The guards grabbed me the moment I leapt to my feet, their fingers digging painfully into my arms, a pair of guns aimed at either side of my head.

I sighed in relief when Jamie, Roger, Fergus, and Ian all came crashing in, having feared that they wouldn’t know where to look for me until it was too late. While Jamie and Antonio talked circles around each other, I tried to figure out a way to get away and get to Lotte. 

Maria was beside herself. Despite my better judgement, I almost felt sorry for the woman. She’d lost considerable weight, to the point where she was no more than a wraith, and her hair had started to go gray and fall out despite her only being in her twenties. There was clearly something psychologically wrong with her, whether it had always been there, or was the result of repeated trauma. First her children, and now it seemed that her own family had murdered her husband. No matter the cause, she was dangerously unhinged, and now appeared to genuinely believe that Lotte was her own daughter, named Ana. 

But regardless of my sympathies, all I really cared about in that moment was getting my child away from these lunatics and back home, where she belonged. 

“Fine!” Maria exclaimed suddenly. “You want to see her?! You want to see that she is _my_ daughter?”

Antonio looked highly skeptical and a little annoyed as Maria disappeared through the side door and reappeared a few moments later with Lotte’s hand in hers. 

I heard a sharp intake of breath from Jamie, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of her, all but daring Maria to make one wrong move. 

Lotte was still dressed in a ruffled nightgown, her doll tucked tightly to her chest and bare feet peeking from beneath the long hem. It was a small relief that while Maria looked horrid and sickly, Lotte was clean, rosy cheeked, and the very picture of health. If they had done nothing else, they had at least fed and cared for her properly.

“Tell them!” Maria said, shaking Lotte roughly by the hand, making me start to truly see red. “Tell them who you are!”

Lotte stared wide-eyed at everyone in the room, but then her gaze landed on Antonio, and she shrank back in fear. “Ana Maria,” she said quietly. 

“Lotte, it’s alright,” I said, quick to assure her that I wasn’t cross with her about the lie. “Don’t worry, darling, we’re going to get you out of here.”

“Shut up!” Maria screamed. “You heard her! She is mine!”

Jamie cocked his pistol, still aimed at Antonio, but then I heard the cock of another gun, and felt cold metal against my temple. 

“Go ahead,” Antonio said. “Shoot me. Then my men will shoot your beautiful wife, and then the rest of your friends here, and you, right in front of the child. But, rest assured, little Ana Maria will be just fine. I would prefer to do this peacefully, away from her eyes, but know this; you will not be leaving this house.”

I saw a hint of motion from the corner of my eye. Jamie saw it too, I could tell by the sudden flex of his arm.

All at once was a sudden explosion of activity. A body hit mine with crushing force, pulling me from my captors’ hold as multiple gunshots rang out. 

I became aware that Miguel was on top of me at the same time I became aware that Maria had picked up Lotte and was carrying her out of the room, with Fergus right behind them.

I squirmed out from under Miguel as the room was flooded by more mercenaries, and there was yet more shooting, but I left it all behind, my sole focus being on my children.

~~~

Jamie’s first sight of Lotte in over five months had knocked the air right out of him. She was taller, her hair longer and a little darker. But she was still his wee girl, and his arms ached to hold her. 

But while Maria tried to prove to Claire that Lotte’s mind had been turned, Jamie had surreptitiously watched Miguel begin to stir. 

He could see, even from the very corner of his eye, Miguel make a split decision between lunging at Antonio, or reaching for Claire. Jamie could see the moment the decision was made, and was ready the very second that Miguel launched himself bodily at Claire, removing her from the line of fire so that Jamie and Ian could shoot the two guards immediately in the head. 

It was pandemonium after that, as more of Maldonado’s men arrived. 

Jamie made a beeline for Claire first, but she was already weaseling out from underneath a barely-conscious Miguel and taking off after Maria and Lotte.

Leaving his Sassenach to it, Jamie turned his attention to where Antonio’s men were trying to get him away.

Jamie had no desire to kill an elderly man. Normally, no matter their crimes, an old man could be confined to prison where he would await his eternal reward for his sins. 

But this man has willfully kept his daughter from him.

He had captured and hurt his wife.

He had spent a lifetime raping, murdering, and ruining the lives of so many.

And the final drop in the bucket; he had denied Jamie his revenge against Richard Collins.

Jamie swiftly shot and killed the guards fleeing with Antonio before stopping to stand before him.

But Antonio only stood there and closed his eyes. And he would never open them again.

~~~

I found them out on a wide balcony, and Maria was standing on a table holding Lotte, both of them leaning precariously close to the railing.

“Please let my sister go,” Fergus was saying, his hands shaking violently around his pistol. 

“She’s mine!” Maria shrieked. “Mine!”

“Mama!” Lotte cried as I came up behind Fergus, gently taking the gun from him.

I aimed the gun carefully at Maria’s head, my own hand steady as stone.

“Don’t make me kill you in front of her,” I said levelly. “Let her go, and no one will hurt you.”

It went against everything I believed in to kill a human being. The oath I’d taken as a doctor, to do no harm, was one I held to strongly. And yet, there on that balcony, I hadn’t the slightest doubt in my mind that I would shoot Maria Collins in the head, and feel not an ounce of remorse. The only thing staying my hand right then, was that if Maria fell, she would take my daughter with her.

Maria was crying and shaking as I slowly approached them, lowering the gun. Once I was close enough, I snatched out and got a handful of Lotte’s nightgown and held on for dear life, prepared to shoot Maria after all if it made her go.

Agonizingly slowly, Maria released Lotte and stumbled off the table before curling into a ball on the floor.

“Mama,” Lotte said as I wrapped my arms tightly around her, sobbing in relief, feeling like I could breathe again after weeks of suffocation, and those first lifesaving breaths smelled like my baby’s hair.

“It’s alright, Lotte Love,” I whispered. “Mama’s here. I’m here. Don’t cry, my darling.”

Fergus’s thin arms came around us both, and he cried into my shoulder.

“CLAIRE?!” Jamie called, nearly crashing through the glass door to get to the balcony. 

I looked up to see him pause, then his face crumble in exhausted relief as he sank to his knees beside us.

“Da!” Lotte shrieked, and though it was a struggle for me to release her, I unwound one arm to make room for Jamie, and he gathered us all up into his strong embrace, his body quaking as he wept brokenly. 

“ _Mo chaileag ghràdhach. Tapadh le Dia.”_

“Where’s Antonio?” I asked.

Jamie cast a quick glance at Lotte, but I pressed one of her ears to my breast while covering the other. There was no telling what she’d seen and heard over the past two months, but we wouldn’t be adding to it if we could help it.

“Dead,” Jamie said simply, offering no elaboration for the moment. “Th’ other lad are alright, _mo ghràidh,_ except for Miguel. He needs your tending.”

I nodded, swiping my wrist beneath my nose before kissing Lotte’s head and murmuring for her to go to Da, able only to relinquish my hold on her as long as she remained in the safety of her father’s arms. Jamie took her gratefully, making her giggle by pressing a wet smooch to her cheek. 

“What about her?” Fergus asked, nodding to where Maria sat against the railing of the balcony, rocking back and forth, seemingly no longer aware of the goings on around her. Jamie tensed beside me, one hand going to the pistol on his hip, and I rather thought the only reason he didn’t simply shoot her was the same reason I hadn’t; because of Lotte.

“Leave her,” I said with a sigh. “There’s nothing we can do to help her.”

“ _Help_ her?” Jamie asked. “After everything she’s done? She deserves tae be punished.”

“ _Look_ at her Jamie,” I said, waiting until he did so. “She’s already being punished. Let’s just go home.”

I took one last look at the once beautiful, but wretched young woman, wondering if I could have ended up like her had my life held such trauma. When I turned to go, I could hear her humming under her breath.

It sounded like a lullaby.

When Jamie gave Lotte to Fergus and asked him to wait in the hall, I understood the moment I entered the parlor. 

Seven men lay sprawled across the furniture and floor, blood splattered over nearly every surface. 

I glanced up at Roger and Ian, the former of who looked like he was in mild shock, and the latter was as covered in blood as the room. My concern for him evaporated when I saw the antique Mayan spear in his hand that had previously been mounted on the wall, and I realized that not all of the men had died of gunshot.

A low moan finally shook me out of my trance and I knelt beside Miguel, who was bleeding freely from a bullet wound in his side, and more sluggishly from the one in his chest that he sustained while I was unconscious.

“I don’t have my medical bag,” I hissed in frustration, ripping his shirt open to better survey the damage.

“You cannot stay here,” Miguel rasped, grabbing my hand. “Someone will have heard the commotion, or a servant will have gone for help. They will come in hordes.”

“Servant,” I muttered, ignoring the rest of his comment. “Roger! Go see if you can find a maid, and get her to bring any sort of medicine they may have. Ian, go with him and find clean cloth, water...you know what I need.”

“Aye, Auntie,” Ian said, hurrying away with Roger a little more slowly behind him.

Miguel shook his head. “No, you cannot waste time on me. Fraser, tell her.”

“I would,” Jamie said. “But I ken my wife, _Señor_ , and she’ll no’ leave ye. But…” he knelt down beside me, speaking more quietly. “Can we no’ move him, Sassenach? Take him back tae th’ hotel? He’s right, more Maldonados could be here any moment.”

“We can’t move him like this,” I said. “He’s losing too much blood. I’ll get him stable, and then we can go. Tell Fergus to take Lotte and go back to the hotel.”

Jamie nodded and stood, but I could feel him still standing beside me as Miguel grabbed my hand again, his eyes wide and pleading. “Please, _mi alma_ , you must go.”

I wasn’t sure what Miguel had called me, but judging by Jamie’s suddenly rigid stance, I thought he did.

“I will go,” I said at last, squeezing his hand. “Once you’re steady.”

“The maids have fled,” Roger said as he and Ian returned. “But we have cloth, tequila, a sewing kit, and some boiled water.”

“And these,” Ian added, showing me the assortment of knives and cooking forceps that he’d managed to find.

“I’m not sure this is necessary,” Miguel said nervously.

“If you want to live,” I said, motioning for Ian to clean the tools in the tequila. “Then this bullet needs to be removed. The one in your shoulder went straight through, and you’re very lucky for it.”

I gave Miguel several healthy sips of the tequila, and went straight to work removing the bullet after directing Jamie and Roger to hold him down, while Ian stayed near the window to keep watch. 

“Bite down on this, man,” Jamie said, offering Miguel a strip of cloth.

Miguel screwed his eyes shut tight, but didn’t scream as I removed the bullet, even though I knew my rush job had to have been causing immense pain. 

“Ian, is anyone coming?” Jamie asked, sweat breaking out on his forehead as he struggled to keep Miguel from flinching, the other man being nearly as strong as Jamie himself.

“Nothing yet,” Ian said. “Not even any neighbors have come ‘round.”

“Probably used to unsavory goings-on in this house,” Roger pointed out, keeping his eyes carefully averted from what I was doing. “But those maids are going to get word to someone, if no one else does. We need to hurry.

“I’m hurrying as fast as I can,” I hissed. “The bullet is embedded in his damn muscle.”

I could see the glint of metal in between mounds of red flesh, but the blood kept obscuring my view, and I regretted not having my suction tube. 

Miguel had lost consciousness, which was a blessing, because the relaxation of his body allowed for me to get a grip on the bullet and pull it out. The rest was a quick and artless stitch-up, and I declared him relatively fit enough to be moved.

Jamie and Roger broke the legs off a low table and used it to carry Miguel. We slid out of the back of the house and into the night, just as some men appeared in the street, carrying lanterns and guns. I glanced once up at the balcony where Maria had been, but I didn’t see her. I didn’t know if she’d gone inside or…

I looked at the ground, at the dark shape laying there, and in a way I was glad that Maria Collins’ suffering was over.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	20. The Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire, Jamie, and the others flee Mexico City with Lotte.

We all crowded into Jamie and my room at the hotel. Thankfully the external doors meant we were able to get Miguel’s prone form inside without having to answer any uncomfortable questions.

Inside, Fergus was sitting up on the bed, with Lotte sleeping peacefully beside him.

“She was out like a light as soon as we got back,” he said.

I went to her, gathering her up in my arms as Jamie, Roger, and Ian got Miguel onto the bed. Roger and Ian quickly left again to keep an eye out for trouble.

“Mama?” Lotte murmured, opening her eyes just a crack. 

“I’m right here, Lotte Love,” I said. “And I’m never gonna let you go again, hear? Now go back to sleep, you’re safe.”

Lotte’s eyes drifted shut and she snuggled against my chest.

I sat down on a chair with her curled in my lap, realizing now that the greatest urgency was done, how much she’d grown. Her birthday had come and gone, and my now five-year-old was sprouting long and lean arms and legs where only chubby little limbs were before. Some of the roundness of her face had narrowed into the promise of her father’s strong jawline, while the harsh Mexico sun had given her the same display of freckles that now dotted my own face. 

I tried not to disturb her as I cried, the weight of everything finally beginning to fall upon me as well as complete physical and mental exhaustion. I gently pried the little yarn doll out of her hand and tossed it into the corner of the room, replacing it with Mac the rabbit. Even in slumber, Lotte latched onto Mac firmly, rubbing her nose into the toy’s soft, worn fur.

Jamie’s hand smoothed up and down my back, and I wished everyone else would leave so I could just curl up in bed with my daughter and my husband. 

“I want nothing more than for ye tae have some rest, Sassenach,” he said gently. “But we need tae put as much distance between us and this place as we can. We need to go home.”

I looked back over at the bed. “We can’t just leave Miguel like this.”

“Ye’ve done all ye can for him, but there are doctors here who can tend him as well.”

I shook my head. “The Maldonados control the police, Miguel has said so. Leaving him here, injured, will be like leaving him to the wolves. After everything he’s done for us…”

Jamie inhaled deeply through his nose. “I  _ ken  _ we owe him our daughter’s life, and yours as well. And I ken…” his expression grew grim as he met my eyes. “I ken ye care for him. Don’t…” he held up a hand to stop me when I opened my mouth to respond. “I doesn’a matter. But Claire, we  _ have  _ tae think of Charlotte, and Fergus, Ian, and Roger. Th’ ones waiting for us at home.”

I knew Jamie was right, and I agreed. But it went against everything I believed in to leave an injured man...an injured  _ friend  _ behind to very likely be killed. But if we didn’t get out of town fast, we stood a good chance of being killed ourselves.

I looked down at my sleeping baby, and realized then that the mother in me would win over the doctor this time. Every time.

I stood, gently passing Lotte to Jamie. “Let me at least check him again, see if the stitches held the trip here.”

“Couldn’t we just try to take him with us?” Fergus asked. “We could steal...erm, I mean  _ buy  _ a wagon.”

I smoothed back Miguel’s hair after checking his wound, and his eyes fluttered open.

“You’re at the hotel,” I told him. “But we have to leave, soon. We could try to take you with us, though I have to be honest, I don’t know if you’ll survive the trip. But if you stay…”

Miguel smiled. “I will stay, and answer for what I have done. Antonio is dead. Perhaps not by my own hand, but it is enough.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“My daughter was killed because of Antonio,” Miguel said laboriously. “We weren’t involved with them. We had done nothing. I was nothing but a baker. My daughter was merely playing in front of our house, standing too near a man who Antonio Maldonado wanted dead. She died because of him, and now he is gone, and without him, his precious family will fall apart. If I die today, I will die...if not happy, at least at peace.”

“You deserve to be happy,” I informed him.

He gave me a long look, then smiled. “Not everyone gets what they deserve, or want..”

“Jamie, Claire,” Roger said urgently, as he and Ian entered the room. “There are police downstairs. They’re asking the owner about  _ you _ .”

“Time to go,” Jamie said, shifting Lotte to rest on his shoulder as he grabbed his bag with his free hand. “Claire…”

I grabbed Miguel’s hand, and he squeezed it weakly before raising it and kissing my fingers. “Go,” he said. “I will be fine. You’ll see.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, touching his brow. “For everything.”

As I turned to quickly gather my things, I saw Jamie rest his hand on Miguel’s good shoulder, then nod. He then turned and grabbed my arm, and when I looked back once more, Miguel smiled and waved.

We took the long way around the building, toward the stables. Inside were several horses, but only three already saddled, so Jamie took one with a newly wakened and confused Lotte before him, while Ian and Fergus took another and I swung up behind Roger. 

Just as we rode out of the stable, there was a shout of “ _ Detener!” _ And the police had mounted their own horses and were after us.

Wishing I had the reins, I was left with nothing to do but hold on tight as we wound and wove through the busy streets, Jamie shouting for passerby to get out of the way.

Something whizzed by my ear a split second before I heard the crack of a gun.

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ,” I muttered. “Are they not even concerned with hitting civilians?”

Another bullet flew by, missing Ian and Fergus’s horse by inches. 

“Apparently not,” Roger said. 

I grabbed Roger’s gun out of its holster and twisted my body as best I could while still keeping a tight grip on his shirt.

I was much more concerned with hitting innocents than the police were, but people were rushing into their homes as we rode past. I aimed high, hoping to make them dodge and lose speed as opposed to trying to actually hit them.

These men were well trained, however, and barely flinched as I returned fire, though the horse we rode threw back her head in fear.

“This way!” Jamie called, turning his horse to go sharply left, down a back alley. 

It was narrow enough we were forced to go through single file, with Roger and I bringing up the rear. The alley was littered with rubbage, and I began to fear one of the horses turning a leg. 

The police were close behind, screaming orders to stop, resuming their attempts to shoot us. 

I leaned around Roger, spotting a cart loaded high with barrels of beer. Knowing I’d have one chance, I cocked my pistol and took aim, waiting until Roger and I just passed the cart before firing. When the shot went totally wild, I growled in frustration and released Roger, swinging my leg around and bringing myself to face the back while Roger cried out in alarm and attempted to hold onto me, getting a handful of my skirt.

I fired again, and this time hit one of the barrels on the side, causing first a fountain of beer, which the pressure of disturbed the rest of the stack and sent the entire pile rolling to the ground. 

The avalanche struck the legs of the first two police officers’ horses, and the rest were forced into a very sudden stop.

“Ha!” I exclaimed in victory, turning myself back around to face Roger.

“That was a reckless thing to do,” he said.

“Better reckless than dead,” I reasoned. 

We rode out of the city but didn’t slow, not until we were miles away and the horses all stumbled to a stop, having nearly been ridden to death.

“Now what?” Fergus asked, stroking the exhausted mare’s nose.

“We let th’ horses rest, then continue north,” Jamie said. “Cover our tracks, so they canna follow. Th’ train left early this morning, so word about us won’t have reached them yet. I think if we cross th’ river here, and go over those hills, we might be able to catch th’ train as it comes ‘round th’ mountain.”

“And then what?” Ian asked.

“We get tae th’ border as fast as we can.”

We continued on foot for a time, leading the horses, to give them more time to recuperate, except for Lotte, who rode the mare that Roger and I had been riding.

I watched her covertly, not liking how quiet she’d been ever since we found her. I hoped it was just tiredness and uncertainty about the whole situation, and that once we had her home, she would go back to her normal, happy self.

“I hear a train,” she said suddenly, sitting up straighter in the saddle.

“Aye, good ear,  _ a leannan _ ,” Jamie praised. “Here it comes.”

“Jamie, how are we supposed to stop the train?” I asked.

“We’re not,” he said. 

“Then how...oh, lord…”

“We’re gonna jump it while it’s moving?” Fergus asked incredulously. “Does nobody remember what happened to Bobby Smith?”

“It isn’a moving that fast,” Jamie said. “Th’ box cars are wide open. I’ve done it more’n once in my younger years.”

“In your  _ younger years _ ,” I emphasized. “And not with a five year old in tow!”

Jamie gave me a flat look. “It’ll take us days just tae reach th’ next town on horseback, Sassenach, through unfamiliar lands, and by then the Maldonados will likely have people looking for us, we canna risk it. We have tae at least try and stay a step ahead. I’ll carry Lotte. Roger…”

“Yes?” Roger said, eyeing the train dubiously as drew nearer.

“I need ye tae make sure my wife gets aboard. Can I trust ye wi’ that, man?”

Roger snapped out of his reverie and looked first to me, then Jamie. It was clear that he understood what it meant for Jamie to ask such a thing of him. “Yes, you can.”

We mounted the horses again, and Jamie pointed to where the ground sloped downward, toward the base of the mountain. “When it makes that turn there, it’ll slow. I’ll hail th’ conductor, and he might send a man tae th’ box car tae help. We’ll have one chance tae get this right.”

“Da,” Fergus said urgently. “Look!”

Several men on horseback were heading in our direction, and I caught the glint of gun barrels. 

“It’s them,” Jamie said. “Come on!”

We spurred the horses down the mountain, and they slid and skidded on the loose gravel. I held my breath, waiting for one of them to fall, but all three horses remained steady as we made a break for the train.

‘ _ Slow’ _ must have been a relative term, because even once it approached the bend, the train still looked like it was going  _ awfully  _ fast.

The crack of gunshot was almost drowned out by the roar of the train, and I didn’t even look back, too frightened of what lay before us to worry about what was behind.

“Fergus! You first!” Jamie yelled.

Ian steered the horse as close to the nearest boxcar as it would go, and my heart lodged in my throat as I watched Fergus swing his leg over, then push off to land in a heap on the floor of the car.

It was trickier for Ian, having to keep control of the horse and prepare to jump at the same time, but with his natural agility, he made it almost look easy.

Both boys held their hands out for Lotte, but she was clinging fearfully to Jamie’s neck. The train was starting to pick up speed again, and though I wanted to look away, I forced myself to watch and pray as Jamie jumped into the car with Lotte in his arms, quickly grabbed by Fergus and Ian.

Seeing my husband and children safe bolstered my courage somewhat, but a shout and the  _ ping  _ of a ricochet reminded me we were still being pursued. 

“They’re right behind us,” Roger said. “Get ready to jump!”

Jamie was leaning almost entirely out of the car, one hand held out for me while Ian held his other. I tried to rise up in the saddle, straining for his hand.

I was never sure what happened exactly, whether the horse stumbled, or was grazed by a bullet, but suddenly it was stopping on a dime, rearing back, and I was falling, tumbling head over heels down a hill, thankfully  _ away  _ from the train. 

I heard a chorus of my name being screamed, but once I stopped rolling, I forced myself back to my feet, deciding to wait until  _ after _ I was safe to determine just how badly I was hurt.

I could see Jamie still in the car, being roughly held back from jumping by Ian and Fergus, but for a moment, I didn’t see Roger at all. 

_ “¡Ahì!”  _

I whirled around, then immediately ducked when one Maldonado’s men fired, hitting the ground beside me. 

“Claire!”

“Roger!” I cried, and he rode back down the hill, firing back at the men before he slowed beside me and waited while I swung myself up in the saddle behind him.

He spurred the horse on again at a punishing speed, trying desperately to catch back up to the train. We would be able to cut it off at another bend, but it wouldn’t be slowing again, and I chose that moment to remember what Bobby Smith’s leg had looked like after the train wheels ripped it off when he tried to hop a train back when Brianna was a teenager. I cursed Fergus for having to remind me of that.

“Claire!” I heard Jamie scream in terror.

“There!” I cried, pointing at the caboose, and the ladder that hung off the back.

“Come on, girl,” I heard Roger mutter as he urged the horse on. “Claire, try and grab it!”

I pushed up on Roger’s shoulders, trying to get my hand on the metal bar, worried my sweat-soaked skin would slide right off, but I managed to get a grip on it, and kicked my legs off the horse, hooking them through the bars of the ladder instead.

I cried Roger’s name, reaching a hand back for him. I latched onto his wrist in the exact moment a gunshot rung out, and the horse beneath Roger faltered. Had I not had hold of his arm, Roger would have gone tumbling down the track.

I kept my grip on him by sheer will, a sudden searing pain lancing up my arm and across my shoulders as something snapped. 

Roger managed to get his feet on the ladder himself, and released me, and I had to just hold still a moment, cringing in pain.

“Get inside!” Roger snapped, and I realized the men were still firing, though they were gradually getting left behind.

“Claire, damn you!” Jamie appeared outside of the caboose, hauling me over the railing and dragging me into the car.

“Is Lotte alright?” I demanded at once.

“I’m fine, Mama,” Lotte said, safe and sound in Fergus’s arms.

A fifth man was there as well, and I thought I recognized him as the same conductor who was there when Jenny and Two Moons went home.

“This is  _ Señor Perez _ ,” Ian said. 

“ _ I saw what happened, Miss, _ ” he said in Spanish. “ _ You are very brave for a woman. _ ”

I chuckled, cradling my arm. “So I’ve heard,” I looked at Jamie. “Is he alright with us riding along? Did you tell him we can pay?”

Jamie scowled at me. “I was a  _ wee  _ bit concerned wi’  _ my wife  _ nearly getting kill’t just now!”

“ _ I know who those men were,”  _ Perez said, making his exit.  _ “They’re Maldonado’s men. You’ll find no love for them here. You’re welcome, friends.” _

“Thank ye,” Jamie said, though he still hadn’t taken his eyes off me. “Sassenach, are ye hurt?”

As much as I wanted to say ‘no’ out of fear of just how badly I  _ was  _ hurt, I knew lying to Jamie would get us nowhere. 

“Yes,” I admitted. “I think I dislocated something when I grabbed hold of Roger.”

Jamie and Ian gently helped me to sit up against the wall of the car, and Jamie started to unbutton my blouse. “Her medical kit is in my pack, Ian. Fetch it, please.”

“Are  _ you  _ alright, Roger?” I asked, thinking he’d been awfully quiet.

“I don’t think I  _ ever  _ want to ride a train after today, but I’m fine,” he said.

Jamie turned to look at him. “I owe ye my wife’s life. Thank ye, Roger.”

Roger smiled tiredly as Ian returned with my medical kit, and Fergus took Lotte to the other side of the car to try and distract her by pointing at things through the window.

I bit my lower lip to try not to cry out as Jamie carefully pushed my blouse off my shoulders. That he didn’t take care with my modesty in front of Roger and Ian told me how rattled he was, not that I was in any position to worry about it myself.

“I dinna need tae be a doctor tae ken your shoulder is dislocated, Sassenach,” Jamie said, his face grim in sympathy. “Badly.”

“It’ll need to be set,” I said. “I’ll never be able to stand the pain if you don’t.”

_ “Me _ ?” Jamie asked incredulously. 

I gave him an impatient look. “You’ve seen me do it before, Jamie. I’ve done it to  _ you _ for God’s sake.”

“That was  _ verra  _ different,” he said. “And all I remember of  _ that  _ is how it hurt like th’ devil.”

“I’ve seen Rachel do it,” Ian said. “I know that if you don’t do it just right, you could tear ligaments, or break her arm.”

Jamie blanched, and then even more when I nodded in confirmation. 

“Ian, do you think you know how?” I asked him.

Ian gulped, but nodded. “Can you get behind her and hold her, Uncle Jamie?”

Jamie hurried to do as asked, and I could practically feel the relief rolling off of him that it wasn’t  _ he  _ who would be forced to do the job. I managed a weak smile at him as he positioned himself behind me, his legs bracketing mine and his arms around my middle.

“Not quite like the last time we were in a train caboose together,” I quipped.

Jamie huffed out an almost laugh in response, but was otherwise clearly unable to play along. The poor darling looked almost worse than I felt, and that was saying something.

“Shouldn’t I give you something? Laudanum?” Ian asked.

I shook my head. “I don’t want a foggy mind right now. No, the worst of it will be over once it’s done.”

“Here,” Roger said, appearing at my side, and holding a strip of rawhide to my mouth. 

“Mama?” Lotte said in concern, angling her head around when Fergus tried to turn her away.

“I’m alright, Lotte Love,” I said. “Mama’s just a bit hurt, but I’ll be fine.”

“Like when I got a burn?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Roger said, moving closer to her to block her view. “And remember how when Mama put the medicine on, it hurt at first, and then it felt better? It’s like that.”

I nodded at Roger in thanks, then bit down on the rawhide, and gave Ian a nod that I was ready.

Jamie tightened his hold on me as Ian carefully positioned my arm up. It wasn’t quite right, so I spit out the rawhide and made a noise for him to stop. “It has to be higher,” I said, sweat pouring into and stinging my eyes. “So the joint is…” I hissed in pain. “...level. See?”

Ian nodded, brow furrowing in concentration, then pulled my arm up to the right place. When I nodded, Jamie replaced the rawhide back between my teeth, and I sucked in deep breath through my nose.

I wanted to be able to not cry out for Lotte’s sake, but the pain was so great, there was no way I could stop it. Ian underestimated the amount of strength necessary to pop the joint back into place - a common mistake the first time one performs the procedure - which served to prolong the agony until finally... _ finally _ , I felt the joint pop into place, and my body slumped back against Jamie’s in relief.

I could feel Jamie shaking behind me, his grip on my middle almost too tight.

“I’m alright,” I said, stroking his hand to encourage him to loosen his hold. “Well done, Ian.”

Ian looked a bit shaky himself, but smiled.

Fergus came to my side with Lotte, who was whimpering in fear, but she calmed at once when I gathered her against me. I didn’t immediately pull my blouse back on over my chemise, wanting the feel of Lotte against my skin the way I did when she was a baby. Jamie wrapped his arms around us both, sighing into my hair, then after a moment, he held one arm out, and Fergus hesitated only briefly before allowing himself to be pulled into a hug with the rest of us.

“Can we go home, now?” Lotte asked.

“Aye,  _ a leannan _ ,” Jamie said. “We can go home.”

  
  



End file.
